I have shared your comments with my daughter and she greatly appreciates the kind words and constructive input! It was very good practice for her in prep for school start (writing to a deadline with constraints), and your comments made her appreciate more how much this sort of writing is not a singular struggle, but one that everyone participating had to deal with.
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I'm very glad my comments were appreciated! I think it's really cool that your kids are participating in these jams as young writers, and I hope their overall experiences have and continue to be positive. (I'm reviewing stories in a random order, so I will get to the other Hobby Fuzion Jr. submission at some point.)