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Hobby Fuzion

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A member registered May 08, 2020 · View creator page →

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it does so thank you for the added insight, and  truly from  the implication of the defenders actions it was clear it was of some import, it was just the way I read the phrasing I think that made me wonder why the character expressed it in that manner.

Many thanks to you for your time reading and commenting!, From the various comment's too much exposition for the format is  something I have to work on (which is a good thing), but the idea itself seems reasonably received which I take as not bad at all for such a quick turn around. 

not at all, the length parameters are definitely limiting (in a good way) and your comments are both appreciated and valid - I would only hope that with more time/editing and space it could be polished to be more enjoyable, so the critique is very welcome

Fun read, but this confused me a bit:

“Negative, Sigmund. If we fall back they get into the vault. Under no circumstance can that happen. I don't know why they want in there, but their folly could threaten this system! Hold your ground.”

Why is there a concern about the legions getting into the bunker/vault if they (humans) don't know what's in it? Yet are concerned the whole system may be at risk if they fail to defend it? It seems like there was a thought that might not have made it into the word count or got edited away?

Thanks for the feedback, I can think of now tightening it up in a few ways to lower the exposition level for sure.

I keep thinking he still got off better than the Space King boys (search You Tube if needing reference)

I've heard of League of Legends, but never played so had to look your reference up, but gotta say the title Void Reaver has a nice sound to it :)

This worked rather well, and while the story focus wasn't on the objective character, I can see where you went about prey trying to slip away and still getting caught. Nice!

Really well polished piece, had some Aliens vibe as well which might be from GW and new Alien trailer spot I just saw :)

thank you for your kind words, these are factions I hadn’t used before so wasn’t sure quite how to approach them in a fun way

Nice action and different use of personalization for the main character you don’t see often!

Always look into your food's ingredients!

This is a solid mcguffin tale gone wrong concept mixed with the Battle of Five Armies level of involvement which is super hard to pull off in the limited word count, but if you had more space I think this could be really developed further (maybe in a sequel/prequel for next jam if the themes line up?)

great start for her story, hopefully you will write more with her in the future!

Nice write-up and take on marauders that I haven't read before on these jams!

I think there are some really good elements here that would be suited for a longer format, just not enough word space to get into the details fully I think, but worth taking the time to expand for sure.

nice adherence to low/no gravity concerns, very much enjoyed this outing, well done!

Nice call back to the old ER'We Go Ork books on lifecycle (or at least it looked like it), good read!

"And let me tell you, there’s no bond stronger than a lie needs takes two lips. " this was very nicely written

nicely done, It's really impressive to try such a hard format in such a short timeframe!

Nicely written and very enjoyable, and not meaning to nitpick but if the torpedos were that close and expected to destroy the ship and the boarding team didn't teleport/transport in/out not sure they could get out and clear from the vessel anyway?

Getting a quarantine warning from the website when trying to open the document? Anyone eles getting that?

Heh, actually reminds me of a story my Dad told me when he was at the National War College in the early 1980s doing Cold War scenarios, but he had done the one he was assigned to previously and told the instructors that. They said to just do the scenario rather than recuse him, so on the first opening turn he nuked the Soviet troop assembly areas making it impossible for the OPFOR to meet objectives so the instructors threw him out of the room :)

Very hard to pull off a "talking heads" approach, but you did it very well, nicely done!

Agree and appreciate the solid critique as well, thanks for taking the time to assess! 

Thanks so much for your comments, this one was both rushed due to my own time constraints (totally on me) and a bit different since I wanted to use factions I had not before and clearly do not have a handle on yet LOL, I guess its reality imitating art :) 

I haven't got her to write for GDF yet, but I will let her know the encouragement for his future legend :)

Elves are definitely on the suffering track this jam! Nicely written, was the Stinger Armour analog to the Striking Scorpion or Eldar Ranger?

Really enjoyed the use of terms from the POV of the main character, nicely executed

clearly and tightly written and shot was on theme, nice!

solidly written and quit evocative, nice submission that suggests a greater story, I hope you get a chance to add to it in the future!

nicely written, tight set piece. I thought you were going for daemon possession at the end when the Inquisitor came in rather than recruitment, but sounds like this would make a great opening chapter for  a Grimdark Detective story.

Slinky Vamp!

nice use of color to break up the writing (just consider that some folks might be color blind in your choices - not me but I work with a lot of them)

This was a new take and playful with the interaction of the various races on a common problem (maybe a little Grimdark Trek initially), enjoyed it.

This was a good story that really helps with flavor world-building as a whole (not just being bias as it meshes with mine by happenstance)

She will be happy to hear your comments, as she was trying to do a prequel to one of the previous Jam entries to link the stories directly. Greatly appreciate your time reading and commenting!

Your art? Very nice addition to the story.

the tyranny of circumstances, nice story