A good, solid exploration of the given theme. I liked the descriptions and imagery, and the characterizations were solid and relatable. The language used was heavy on "legacy" terms and imagery, (e.g. 'damage-litanies', 'compliance', and the style of the military transmission) and, considering that this is not the Imperium of Mankind, my personal preference is to try and re-imagine new terminology and ways of doing things for the Sirius sector. Also I felt that right at the end, when Imja steps into the street to signal the other walker, her new companions should have had some sort of reaction. Was it a wordcount issue? In any case, a well-done story.
Viewing post in Knight Errant - OPR Writing Jam #6 Submission jam comments
Yeah, it was a wordcount issue :/ I think in hindsight it might have been better to drop the report at the end and use that space to flesh out the Ram-Headed Son encounter a little more. I had to drop like thirty or forty words from the completed story just to get it to format right without "GLORY TO THE GOD-KING" dropping onto a new page. It's frustrating because my Writing Jam #5 submission was nearly 1100 words and still had space on the page for ~2 more paragraphs.