In terms of the technical aspects of the work, I think this piece would flow better if its paragraphs were tugged apart some. The actual story itself... well, I always appreciate when a writer takes the ideas and images that OPR has inherited from the legacy setting, and does something new and different with them. This, while well-executed, is almost point for point what happens when the Salamanders or the Space Wolves run up against the Inquisition in 40K. Keep working on the technical aspects, and I'd love to read a story from you that explores a unique angle, or captures some aspect of the Sirius sector!
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I appreciate the feedback! I plan to, I am not too familiar with the novels of the legacy setting but I'm not surprised to hear the Salamanders would react in this way, which is just another reason for me to like them! I have plans for these guys, and I hope to one up this for when their story continues! Thank you again!