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Loyalty No More's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Adherence to the Theme | #15 | 3.783 | 3.783 |
| Flow & Clarity | #30 | 3.043 | 3.043 |
| Overall | #31 | 3.232 | 3.232 |
| Concept & Originality | #36 | 2.870 | 2.870 |
Ranked from 23 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
In terms of the technical aspects of the work, I think this piece would flow better if its paragraphs were tugged apart some. The actual story itself... well, I always appreciate when a writer takes the ideas and images that OPR has inherited from the legacy setting, and does something new and different with them. This, while well-executed, is almost point for point what happens when the Salamanders or the Space Wolves run up against the Inquisition in 40K. Keep working on the technical aspects, and I'd love to read a story from you that explores a unique angle, or captures some aspect of the Sirius sector!
I appreciate the feedback! I plan to, I am not too familiar with the novels of the legacy setting but I'm not surprised to hear the Salamanders would react in this way, which is just another reason for me to like them! I have plans for these guys, and I hope to one up this for when their story continues! Thank you again!
They do, more than once I think, and the Space Wolves as well, although 40K lore isn't my major :) In any case, I'll for sure read that continuation when it happens.
I did enjoy the moment of vindication when the enforcers were blown to smithereens (the dialogue there could have been a little clearer though). I also loved that these Brothers, unlike many of their peers, have a conscience and perhaps even a disdain for their master?
They don't want to believe that he was who ordered this massacre, but should it be confirmed, their disdain will indeed grow..
Love the commitment to exploring the theme, and find myself intrigued by the conflict at the core of the story, but had to come back a few times to actually piece the prose together for myself.
Thank you for the feedback, will work on formatting for future tales!
This story does make me wonder about the Salamanders place in the 40k universe, considering their peers more indifferent attitude to the mere mortals they share it with. Why do they put up with that?
Tis the question I saught to try answering, and plan on continuing in later jams should the inspiration strike