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(+2)

Now this is my kind of weird. The whole thing really gives the sense that I've been thrown into something much larger than me that I barely understand, and I'm expected to just roll with it. It was disorienting, bizarre, and awesome. I really loved the ending where you made peace.

Obviously the whole thing could use a bit more polish, especially to make it stand out from other Twine games. I imagine time played a role in not doing more there, especially since it seems like you really focused on doing quite a bit of writing instead of changing up styles. 

And sometimes the large blocks of text were off-putting. If planning on continuing work on this, maybe break them up with some other choices, even something simple like a "Go on" would help. A big bunch of text can be scary, even to the most avid reader!

Overall though, I freaking love this. Super weird.

(1 edit) (+2)

Hi, thank you for the great feedback!

You’re very right about the time thing. This is my first time using Twine and I spent the first few days of the game jam learning it. Inexperience plus the time limitation made it difficult for me to add anything other than text, so elements that could enhance the experience like audio and styles I had to ignore if I want to get the game somewhat finished. The writing itself is weak; I focused exclusively on the dialogues and descriptions for the environment and characters are sorely lacking.

Good point also on the block of text. While writing, I was actually worried that I’m going to forget what the dialogue is going to be, so I just dumped everything when inspiration striked and didn’t consider the how the text would appear to the readers. It’s all on me and I want to improve upon them if I write anything again in the future. Also, good point on adding more variety of choices.

Anyhow, again, I greatly appreciate your feedback. I’ll do my best to improve what I can.