It's cool how well the backgrounds fit your character art despite the difference in styles. There's just a nice visual dynamic between the portraits, the backgrounds and the text that I really like.
You've definitely got your own writing style, it's descriptive, a bit goofy, but dead serious and even somber all at the same time. Since the story seems to continue from an earlier game, I got a bit lost in the relations and terminology. I'm guessing that you don't want any story branches, but as an alternative, you can try offering choices that don't influence the narrative but maybe temporarily shift the reader's point of view.
I enjoyed how well the music complements the rest of the game, very well picked. There's definitely a good sense of unity between all of the game's elements working together.