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I'm disappointed in this one, not because it's bad per se, but because I really think it could have been so much better.

Plot-wise it's fairly boiler-plate fantasy, but there's nothing wrong with that. The visuals are where it shines: there has clearly been a lot of effort and love put into it. Seriously, even the UI looks clean and polished, and that is something I really appreciate as a marker of quality. The music and the sound add to the atmosphere well too.

But the writing is weak. None of the characters or their voices are distinct, and for me the dialogue comes across cringy and forced. I find the inner thoughts of the character to be even worse and very juvenile. It's all modern in a way that doesn't fit the setting or characters, but more than that it's awkward.

As an example, here some of the first few lines of the game:

(Oh pew... T'was only a nightmare... Every night the same dream...)

Good morning sunshine, what is all the ruckus about?

Whhaa? Your Grace, what are you do-

Come on, chop-chop, don't miss our breakfast!

(I kind of vaguely question why the Queen would be waking the Prince if the servant is right there...? Or at all? Part of what I mean by being modern in a way that doesn't fit the setting, but that's mostly beside the point.)

My thoughts on this example:

It starts out with what I think is a typo - pew instead of phew? I'm not even sure. Then it jumps to ye old "T'was" before immediately abandoning it for modern speech and a sentence with a comma splice. I've seen far worse attempts, but in all honesty I tap out when I do. It's not a great start for either the grammar or its content.

Stylistically it overuses a few things -- ellipses can be seen in the example above. There is also a pattern of a lot of onomatopoeic words like "haha", but they are often stretched out or emphasized, as are some other words to show length. Like "MmmmmmmuuhhahaHAHAHAHA", real example. These are techniques that are meant to be used sparingly, and they aren't.

Most stories would drop the attempt to represent a sound, and instead describe it. It is the reason why we don't have all dialogue written phonetically to show accent, for example: because it is harder to read and quickly becomes annoying.

Here is another example:

"Eeeee... The tournament!!! How exciting!!! Hey, how did you get in here?"

First: whiplash on the last line, which should probably have been split into another (my opinion, anyway). But more importantly, the punctuation again, this time in exclamation points. You might (might!) see three exclamation points in a written work. But you'd never see it in two sentences next to each other like that. Also, question marks should likewise not be repeated, but if you must the pattern again tends to be in threes.

I would suggest picking up a book and comparing the structure of the dialogue. I think you will quickly spot a lot of ways in which the writing deviates from convention, and I don't think it's in a good way.

I hope I am not being nit-picky in an unwelcome way, because I really do mean this as genuine constructive criticism, and I really do hope it helps. Because there is potential here... but I think it needs a good editing. I hope you can get it to the point where the game does justice to your ideas - I do like them - but right now I don't think it's there.

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Thanks for your interest and feedback,

Moreover, it seems you commented only on the first few minutes of the game, rather then the full 2 episodes. 

The purpose of the first episode (prologue) is to introduce a confused, bratty, frightened, kid, that has a lot of growing up to do. SO if you think the characters - especially the main one is juvenile - then I hit the spot, as slowly during the adventure he will grow up and improve - its his character arc. 
In the next version I've removed all the "older" dialogue to make it more flowing, Its a choice to make the story more relatable to modern audience. 

The queen has a special role in the story, and it's on purpose that she pays more attention to you now, but it will be revealed later on. 

Also the phonetic longer stretched words are on purpose as they illustrate natural dialogue which is very different then books, 
If anything you should compare it to dialogue in movies or even better anime. 

The main part of the early releases prior to releasing on steam is to get this feedback - so the harsher and more blunt the better.
But the best - is more examples with screenshots. And the outmost best - is joining discord and chatting about your ideas, if they are good they will be taking into consideration. 

Look, I've been writing movies, TV, and games for many years now, so most of the choices here are on purpose - and I've taken into consideration it will rub the "grammar freaks" a bit wrong, but they also cringe on GoT or any other high quality show, movie or game, the idea is usually to hit the 99% that can have suspension of disbelieve in order to enjoy good entertainment, and let these type of "on purpose mistakes" slide to get a better feel for the characters and story. 

Prologue is just to give a glimpse into the world prior to the story, and to reveal the plot - that's it, so even the intro to some of the main characters is very limited. 
as the story starts after the cabin in the woods scene - we'll get to meet the characters personally, and get to know them real well.

I wonder what you thought about Episode 2, where he shows little signs of growth, if you still feel that "juvenile" tone you mentioned. 
If you didn't download version 0.1.5, and give it a go.

Hope to see you on Discord

Thanks again for your feedback, I've written these points and will take a look during the next polish round. 

I did actually play through to the end of it, though admittedly I did skip through some parts (precisely because I wanted to see how it developed later on). I did not notice a substantial change in style. The reason I chose to use that specific section as an example was actually because it was right at the beginning: they're usually the most important lines to set tone and hook in the player, but also anyone who read my comment would be able to see that section immediately and understand its context without accidentally spoiling anything later.

I will admit I am one of those "grammar freaks", so it bothers me more than some other people. But to me, with the way it's written, these "on purpose mistakes" look more like - well, mistakes. Make those choices if you want to, certainly, and more power to you if that's your vision. But you could try checking out a style guide specifically for fiction or something like that? Maybe it won't help, but I don't see how it could hurt.

But you take feedback well, even if it's not super positive, and that's promising, so I wish you all the best for your project either way.

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I wonder how movies by Taika Waititi rub on you, 
Matrix 4, Thor Love and Thunder, or even Jojo Rabbit, 
he also makes tons of "mistakes" on purpose, with "juvenile" characters, 
Do they also bother you?

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You shouldn't compare your new game, to a Director who has been making movies for 20 years... there's absolutely no comparison whatsoever, you're not Taiga Waititi...

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Apples and oranges, there's no comparison at all, you're missing the point.

He's using the same technique, of making mistakes, and using super juvenile characters  on purpose, and either letting them grow, or be the butt of a joke.
I was just wondering how you feel about those? Unrelated to my game.

Do they bother you as well?

I think I'll just say this: brother, I write long winded and rambling reviews of "adult" games under the name joe ligma. There's a pretty strong chance I actually am some sort of cartoon or parody character myself.