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(1 edit) (+2)

Thanks for your interest and feedback,

Moreover, it seems you commented only on the first few minutes of the game, rather then the full 2 episodes. 

The purpose of the first episode (prologue) is to introduce a confused, bratty, frightened, kid, that has a lot of growing up to do. SO if you think the characters - especially the main one is juvenile - then I hit the spot, as slowly during the adventure he will grow up and improve - its his character arc. 
In the next version I've removed all the "older" dialogue to make it more flowing, Its a choice to make the story more relatable to modern audience. 

The queen has a special role in the story, and it's on purpose that she pays more attention to you now, but it will be revealed later on. 

Also the phonetic longer stretched words are on purpose as they illustrate natural dialogue which is very different then books, 
If anything you should compare it to dialogue in movies or even better anime. 

The main part of the early releases prior to releasing on steam is to get this feedback - so the harsher and more blunt the better.
But the best - is more examples with screenshots. And the outmost best - is joining discord and chatting about your ideas, if they are good they will be taking into consideration. 

Look, I've been writing movies, TV, and games for many years now, so most of the choices here are on purpose - and I've taken into consideration it will rub the "grammar freaks" a bit wrong, but they also cringe on GoT or any other high quality show, movie or game, the idea is usually to hit the 99% that can have suspension of disbelieve in order to enjoy good entertainment, and let these type of "on purpose mistakes" slide to get a better feel for the characters and story. 

Prologue is just to give a glimpse into the world prior to the story, and to reveal the plot - that's it, so even the intro to some of the main characters is very limited. 
as the story starts after the cabin in the woods scene - we'll get to meet the characters personally, and get to know them real well.

I wonder what you thought about Episode 2, where he shows little signs of growth, if you still feel that "juvenile" tone you mentioned. 
If you didn't download version 0.1.5, and give it a go.

Hope to see you on Discord

Thanks again for your feedback, I've written these points and will take a look during the next polish round. 

I did actually play through to the end of it, though admittedly I did skip through some parts (precisely because I wanted to see how it developed later on). I did not notice a substantial change in style. The reason I chose to use that specific section as an example was actually because it was right at the beginning: they're usually the most important lines to set tone and hook in the player, but also anyone who read my comment would be able to see that section immediately and understand its context without accidentally spoiling anything later.

I will admit I am one of those "grammar freaks", so it bothers me more than some other people. But to me, with the way it's written, these "on purpose mistakes" look more like - well, mistakes. Make those choices if you want to, certainly, and more power to you if that's your vision. But you could try checking out a style guide specifically for fiction or something like that? Maybe it won't help, but I don't see how it could hurt.

But you take feedback well, even if it's not super positive, and that's promising, so I wish you all the best for your project either way.

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I wonder how movies by Taika Waititi rub on you, 
Matrix 4, Thor Love and Thunder, or even Jojo Rabbit, 
he also makes tons of "mistakes" on purpose, with "juvenile" characters, 
Do they also bother you?

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You shouldn't compare your new game, to a Director who has been making movies for 20 years... there's absolutely no comparison whatsoever, you're not Taiga Waititi...

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Apples and oranges, there's no comparison at all, you're missing the point.

He's using the same technique, of making mistakes, and using super juvenile characters  on purpose, and either letting them grow, or be the butt of a joke.
I was just wondering how you feel about those? Unrelated to my game.

Do they bother you as well?

I think I'll just say this: brother, I write long winded and rambling reviews of "adult" games under the name joe ligma. There's a pretty strong chance I actually am some sort of cartoon or parody character myself.