Skip to main content

Indie game storeFree gamesFun gamesHorror games
Game developmentAssetsComics
SalesBundles
Jobs
TagsGame Engines

I liked the story here - the desperation of struggling to escape pressures imposed by family and culture is a very relatable, universal subject and you addressed it unflinchingly. The story does use some modern language - e.g., Adelaide thinking that her relationship with Damon could easily become "abusive" or referring to another character's relationship as an "ex" - and you'd make your writing more immersive if your characters' thoughts and dialogue stayed rooted in their time and culture. (Of course, this is a fantasy story, but the Vinci culture is heavily based on historical Renaissance Italy.) 

The language and pacing was excellent overall - the dry summation of Damon's character as

"he thought of the town as “ quaint ” and “ simple ”, and not as a compliment" was beautiful and gave me a perfect mental image of him - and I can definitely see how you've been growing as a writer looking back on your work from previous jams.