I'm familiar with coding but I'm a complete stranger to Renpy. Honestly, my main goal in entering the jam is to force myself to learn how to make some cool stuff work in Renpy, like wagging tail animation or beaming lights. So, I started to get a bit serious to learn in mid-May. Turns out I had too much fun trying things and the writing suffered as a result.
That being said, I'm glad the story still came up okay-ish (?). Writing is not my strongest suit as I barely even write anything lol. I intended to make the MC as smug as possible with the coffee part. I guess it kinda worked but, as you said (and what I saw from the stream), that part was too long and bored people out. I also didn't calculate the cultural differences, things that are normal here around me are probably bizarre concepts for the other part of the world. There are also parts I wanted to explore more but couldn't because of the deadline.
It's great to hear lots of criticisms from different points of view and I'm thankful for that! I can now better understand what I should do to improve things. I consider myself lucky because all the visual tricks I've done pulled the weight this time. I'll do my best to not repeat the same mistake in my future project!