Your presentation was the star of your game. Your tricks with the shaking car, the twinkling stars, the undoing text for the angry work emails? Chefkiss. That's not even talking about the animations, the use of palette for the background to signify the sort of moods. For someone new to renpy(I believe? may be wrong (shrug)), that didn't hinder you from picking up a ton of tricks and making it a visual treat.
Narratively I think we're by some more shaky ground, starting with the most trivial of details in the two character's names -- Ray and Ryan are visually similar. Generally as a rule you want to avoid having characters with very similar names. The prolonged coffee visit could be enough to pull people away from the work, given the duration after traffic. Like you bring in a good verisimilitude in your details to show your subject matter knowledge, but I think we spent a bit too long in the weeds. We were ready to move on a bit quicker.
However, you also did some good elements that blossom with the knowledge of the end. You set up elements that aren't quite foreshadowing, but are given context with the ending. You had some smooth lines, well crafted in their poetry. The structure of the choices are well thought out.
Prose and structure aside, you did a fantastic job and captured the spirit of the tale you wanted to tell cleanly. You showed the transformation you were intending to capture in the characters in tandem with the dates you cleanly used to set the duration of the narrative. Well done! People will surely make note of you for your next project.