itch.io

I'm glad you find it useful. This pack is indeed geared towards people with minimal to no coding experience. While Renpy itself is fairly easy to learn, let's face it, GUI customization is a whole another thing than implementing dialogues or moving sprites around.

In my experience, many artists or writers are interested to start their little projects, but hesitant because coding is a new realm for them. I aim to fill that gap a little here ^^

I'm definitely going to recommend something more advanced for people who are familiar with programming. But for an introduction, I hope this pack will give a better experience.

Great story and presentation. While the ending is not completely conclusive, the plot is covering just enough to deliver the theme. I can't really pinpoint the issue, but I do think there's something missing before curtain call, making it just a little bit unsatisfying.

The visuals and audio are amazing, I just wish the sister could have more screen time. Also, I totally love the JVN vibe of the UI. Only problem for me is the text on the middle of the screen could be difficult to read sometimes. Perhaps darkening the screen would increase the contrast and fix the issue.

Awesome work ^^

Let me start by saying this:  congratulations! There's a definite leap of quality from your previous work!

The story is pretty interesting and it's clear that the it was written thoughtfully. The overall project is executed nicely, presenting a coherent visual and good experience.

That being said, there are still some places that can be improved. Firstly, the characters speech. I think it's partly because of the theme, but I do feel like they can have more organic conversation without delving too much into details and too "explanatory" (for lack of a better word). It will also be great if more of the development is narrated through the character's inner thoughts and feelings rather than outright spoken out loud. It's what makes characters more humane after all. Some parts were a bit draggy, but the interactive part elevated the issue. The rest are just a matter of more polishing.

Great work ^^

5/5
It's bold, loud, and tasteful. The team knew what they wanted and made the most out of it within a month. One could argue some routes got more care than others, but everything is just well put together nicely.

Definitely worth a read, and I'll be looking forward to your next project!

For the very little content there is, the rest of the elements are neatly put together, including the definitely-not-an-attempt-to-bloat-the-word-count part. Coherent visual direction, well-utilized audio. The grunts took me out by surprise though (I want more).

First of all, congrats on creating your first build! It's clear from the get-go that you have a pretty ambitious project and I can say the premise is quite exciting!

Good news, even though it's still a prototype that might see a lot of changes, the plot points we got here are interesting. The visuals are just stunning and sell the mood and vibe of the story. The sprite work is pretty well-done too! Assuming this is the direction you're going after, both in the story and the presentation, it's gonna be an interesting VN to keep under the radar.

Before moving on to the not-so-good news, please keep in mind these criticisms are not meant to tear the project down. Instead, keep it as a suggestion so the problems can be addressed way earlier in the development phase.

Also worth noting is the time limit effect (from the game jam), plus the fact that this is your first attempt, which contributes to these issues.

_____

First one is the UI. Despite the gorgeous artwork put into the build, the UI definitely needs some rework. Some text on the game menu is really straining the eyes to look at due to the color choice. The contrast of the dialogue text with the text box, for me personally, needs more tweaking. It's a visual novel after all, so it's mandatory to keep the readers comfortable going through the game.

Secondly, and this is the most important part, the writing needs major editing. I don't know how much language barrier / translation issues contribute to the problem, but a big chunk of the prose felt dry, in contrast to what I assume was your goal, a more poetic or flowery narration. The conversation between characters felt... unnatural... stiff, almost mechanical and in a way more of a "telling" than actually a "talk between two individuals". Maybe it's because of the MC's "personality", but I don't think that's the case if the three characters got same tendency.

Speaking of "telling", the part where we switch into the NVL mode felt weird at first because I couldn't tell "why is it in NVL now?" Later on, I would assume the decision was because the story switched to telling some sort of history or factual things happening, hence the more loredump-ing vibe. I think it needs some touch to make the transition less jarring.

And in the matter of "jarring", the first time MC's name was displayed my reaction was pretty much "Huh? Is this some kind of bug?" (evidently, that's not the case). It would help greatly if you can address the naming, as simple as giving a line like "Twenty-one. It's the peculiar name that he goes by. The name she chose for this damned yet blessed soul." or something along that line.

_____

Again, please don't let this comment, or any other one, discourage you. It's a natural part of the learning process.

Wishing you good luck on this project ^^

It's a fun read from the beginning to the end. Compared to the previous work, the devs definitely took a big step forward in the production value, mainly in the visual department.  Despite leaning more on the silly premise (which is not a bad thing at all), the structure is pretty good and well-thought-out. The sprites are just as charming, with improved detail changes over the story's progression. The custom art / CG presentation, especially on the smut part, is a delightful touch. And speaking about the smut... y'all definitely know what you like and it was great.

I might be a little picky, but I think the relationship between MC and Haruo could be fleshed out better. It felt a little rushed; the budding connection between the two was given less spotlight in favor of telling about Kaiju tidbits and advancing the plot. Ultimately, the payoff was more of a "oh... nice..." than a "yes, finally!", for lack of a better word. The background in Haruo's room could also benefit from more touch-ups to help sell his passion for the subject.

At the end of the day, it's an enjoyable read. We need more cute big furry men, thank you for your service o7

Hi, I need more details before deciding. You're welcome to reach out in Discord.

Nope, they are all intentional by design. It's part of the storytelling. You did nothing wrong ^

It's Worthwhile by Christopher Galovan on Uppbeat ^^

Let's start with the bright side. The presentation is really slick and anyone can tell there is a lot of research dedicated to this project. The whole idea is probably the most unique among the jam entries. While the concept is intriguing, sadly it's not my cup of tea. I can't understand all those... words... and the history/political side is just not something I can get through. I'm just too puppy-brained >.<

I think Hetalia works because we are a bit familiar with the stereotypes of world countries, but here, I feel like a complete stranger. And My Municipality tries to thread the lines between something entertaining and serious, while the other is mostly outrageously hilarious.

That being said, the "story" did leave some emotional sadness, anger, and disappointment (?) at the conclusion of the story. A relationship broken over... nothing. Ooofff.

Overall it sure is an interesting read. Not my cup of tea, but it could be yours!

OH MY GOD!? This story is perfectly up my alley and I just love it! The characters are well-defined with strong personalities and their banters are good. SFXs are used really well to sell the tension. The Lovecraftian tidbits here are very intriguing. It would absolutely be an amazing VN if things were more refined.

That being said, I do have some gripes. While I really think that the SFXs dramatically improved the scenes, the absence of audio became more apparent and deducted the overall experience. More ambiance sounds would be nice. I'm also not a fan of floating sprites. You've done a great job at emoting and manipulating the sprites, but for me personally, seeing them just float on the screen just felt off. I think some earlier scenes would even work better without Roan's sprite on screen. Lastly, I felt sometimes the lovey-dovey moments were not... appropriately placed? They lessen the built-up tension of some of the serious scenes, and honestly, those unsettling tensions are the best part of the story.

A very entertaining story, especially if you love the genre. The ending line gave me freaking chills. I can't wait for more!

Now you got me curious about Burning Man. Too bad I probably won't ever join one...

The story is good and the comedy is definitely gold. I think it has just enough to be told to get us intrigued in the setting. I must say I'm not a big SoL fan and the thought of having to go through 9 days worth of SoL was too much, especially with minimum conflicts, but I'm glad it was wrapped the way it was. The pacing is still enjoyable for me, and the ending left a good note. Impressively entertaining!

Not a fan of second-person POV story, but it just works here. The occasional fourth wall break also serves as good comedy. The... "three visits" format and the writing are well done but I have to admit the lack of audio and inconsistent-sized, blurry BGs take a lot of the enjoyment.

I understand that time constraint might be the biggest problem. I wish to experience the game again when (if) it's in a better-polished state. Still a good read though!

It's shorter than I thought, but it's a solid one nonetheless. I want more!

I'm probably biased bcs I enjoy SnK a lot, all the tidbits just clicked in my mind right away. I wonder what people who have never read or watched the anime think about it though. I imagine it's a bit harder for them to conceptualize the action scene.

My one biggest disappointment is the fact there is no Sasageyo Sasageyo blasting on the main menu after finishing the story. Otherwise, it's a pretty fun read!

Ok, this one is a fun read. The writing is pretty good. Sure it's not flashy and all, but I also don't really have anything bad caught in my eyes. Well, maybe just one. I'm not a fan of floating sprites, but given the fact that it's a game jam entry, it's pretty understandable.

Alright, the final one I read from the three entries. I'm gonna go with The Awakened first and conclude with a comparison of all three.

THE AWAKENED

You must be tired of hearing people commenting on the no narration part. But here's what I thought caused the issue: the conversations are a bit artificial. Telling the story fully in first person perspective can work (heck I did that too), but it's tricky because you leave the burden of world-building through the lens of the MC.

The problem here in The Awekened is... you try to tell a lot through the conversation. I'm not saying you cannot slip in real issues like the healthcare system into the story. It's just that the delivery of the conversation is not natural. Instead of going "damn, that sucks, poor folks", I felt like it's not "the characters" who speak, but it's the writer instead; sometimes to the point I felt the topic of convo was a lecture instead. Consequentially, there was not enough breathing room for the characters to truly embrace their emotions and let the readers soak them in, resulting in the pacing to suffer. We need time to build relationships with the characters, and when they act unnatural, it's a bit difficult to establish it. My suggestion is to imagine the scenes like they are for movies. If you're upset the characters in the movies not speaking humanely enough, then you know there are issues.

Another gripe I have is the choice of music. Sure the presence of audio can enhance the experience, but for me personally, the music used did not help to build up what was going on in the story.

OVERALL

Out of all 3 entries, I have to say the best one is Replay Video. It's a bit ironic since that's the last one that came into your mind and you had a couple of days to wrap it, but it's the best one. The reason is, the story is solid. You know exactly how the story starts, how it ends, and what you want to tell behind it. Perhaps it's somewhat affected by the fact that the concept of Replay Video was visualized in your dream. As a result, all of the presentations were purposeful. There were not many bloated or unnecessary lines, except for the scene with the dragon. I felt like you felt the pressure to explain everything through that scene to make things as logical as possible for the readers, going as far into the little details. Other than that scene, everything was good. The MC's inner dilemma is well delivered (albeit rushed at the end), and I could sympathize with him well. Some lines felt wooden but it's not that noticeable.

The second favorite is Worth More Than Words. Again, what makes it great is I can tell that you know well what story you want to tell. Most of the problems come from the execution but they are not that big of a deal. Lastly, The Awakened. I can't help but feel that the whole idea/concept of the story is a bit too big and you were too excited to produce the project, resulting in the issues I have mentioned earlier.

I have to say that you're doing a spectacular job in submitting three different entries all on your own! I hope this game jam can serve as a good experience, because I'm pretty sure the quality of your work improves as time goes by ^^

I had to play it again outside the stream to make my own opinion and...

I LOVE the presentation. It's minimalistic but purposeful, and makes the whole package unique. The writing is excellent. The trope of machine/alien learning to become human never bores me. The "rebound" being a bit literal is a pleasant surprise. Also +1 point for having a tentacle monster facefucking the MC.

I won't repeat all the others have said but I do have some gripes of my own. I feel like, for some reason, given how the overall story is designed, I couldn't find it to be personal enough. Sure there are good moments of character development, but I couldn't relate or empathize enough with the characters on an emotional level. On the other hand, I also think it's not sci-fi enough? Maybe that's just my personal preference with this kind of story.

Overall it's a solid one!

Cute woof, I thought it was a mermaid from the cover lol. The writing is simple and nice. It's just that I'm not sure...  should we read the main entry of the series first?  I ended up with so many questions. The mystery part was there, but I felt like it was not emphasized enough? Instead, half of the story focused on MC fixating on the wolf in an almost unnatural way.

I'm curious what will the story tell us if given more context to everything.

Finally, a human-isekai'ed-to-furry-world, but the MC is the evil. It's a refreshing premise and the audio direction helps to build the feel. Unfortunately, though, the pacing is off. It felt like I was presented with plot point after plot point without the time to get immersed in the story. I couldn't connect to any character on an emotional level.

The potential of the story is there. I think if the writing is further refined, it'll make a much more interesting story.

Thanks for your kind words! I'm still experimenting on stuff to find out what works well and what doesn't. I'll take into consideration all the input from this game jam to move forward ^^

I really appreciate all the custom sprites, BGs, everything. Even the music too! Though it didn't make it into the game, it's a pretty good piece. It's unfortunate how you stumble upon the... technical difficulties, but I guess that's part of the learning curve of VN development, eh?

The plot itself is fun, but I can see why some people yawn while reading it. Audio is a pretty important piece for a VN. Right, I'm not gonna dig further into things that are possibly unintentional mistakes because of the... circumstances. On another note, the "pool" scene was a bit difficult to digest. Not that you didn't describe the scene enough. In fact, it's the exact opposite. You went into details but it felt like something that's written for a novel. It could work better for a text-only medium, but in a visual novel, the readers would instinctively carve for supporting visuals for scenes that involve meticulous details.

My main gripe is the MC. I don't know if it's intentional, but damn, he's really helpless. I lost my mind when he barraged Colton with questions instead of getting a grip on the situation. Even after the pursuit, he kept doing this. Of course, it's very normal for someone to have lots of questions given the situation, but the way the conversation flowed wasn't fluid. If I were the wolf, I'd just ditch him. Call it a personal preference, but god knows we've had enough of helpless main characters in FVN space.

This VN has a lot of potential, I'm looking forward to seeing the project after the patch-up.

I'm so glad I came to this VN expecting comedy, and boy it delivered. I laughed, and cringed, and laughed the entire playthrough. Does RIP Harmony have some deep meaningful narration? Not really, but I don't care. I don't care the last scene doesn't really make sense either. Heck, most of the story is filled with borderline nonsensical humor. This is comedy gold among the entries and I love it!

Gotta say the whole solar punk theme and premise are thought-provoking, but I genuinely think that the story is floating in the work-of-literature realm rather than that of a game, especially a visual novel.

Don't get me wrong though, the visuals in ParaBEN are great. I'd argue the sprites and the main menu are some of the best art among all the entries. They communicate the vibe very well and it's present throughout the gameplay. 

It's just that I'll probably enjoy the story better if it's packaged in a written, sci-fi novel. I couldn't connect to the characters on an emotional level. Perhaps it's because there stakes are not high enough. Perhaps it's because I found the... concept (?), idea (?), I don't know how to say it, but I found that part more interesting than the actual characters. Maybe it's a mix of everything.

Regardless of all that, ParaBEN is an enjoyable read and it's probably one of the boldest entry on this jam.

I didn't expect to enjoy it sooooo much. I love how you give subtle hints from the beginning of the story all the way up to the reveal. It's super fun to pick up the small details, and it's even more fun to see other people lose their minds lol.

My only gripe is... that one CG was really sick, I expected the story to wrap up there (*cue title card drop: Blazing Passion). Instead, we got one more scene that was supposed to juxtapose MC's failure with the wolf's and dig a bit deeper into MC's big regret. But, for some reason, I found the ending less satisfying.

Despite everything, Blazing Passion is an unhinged fun read that puts me on the edge of my seat, a very recommended game! 

First of all, congratulations on making the VN! I can see you put a lot of effort into it and they are amazing, from the custom sprites, GUI, music, all of 'em. I had to play the game on my own outside of the stream to form an opinion. I do think the overall game is great, so I'll be focusing on some things that I think can be improved, so here we go...

SPOILERS ALERT

You have an interesting premise here. Combined with the game title, you grabbed the readers' interest from the get-go. We would instinctively be questioning "ok what's up with this town?" Unfortunately, I think you didn't lean on it hard enough, and that's probably why some people think the shift to the second half of the story is a bit jarring. There's a potential to dig at it a bit further, and I think this is the "missing link" (?). When Walt said something about his friends, Asher could probably tell a bit more about the town's myth or other oddities. That would ease up the shift more toward the mystery part and make the relationship more dynamic. I'm fairly neutral about the voices, but I can see why it's a bit random for some people.

Lastly, about the design of the route split. From reading your notes, apparently, it's kinda spur of the moment decision (?). While I wholeheartedly enjoy the content of all three routes, the design of how a player can access a route is... not so much. I assume you wanted each of those three different paths to tell different sides of the story, so the readers can get the whole picture only by playing through all of them? (I love that system rather than route split that only gives minor flavor text differences or just the ending without affecting the big picture). If that's the plan, I think you should make the route split not very vaguely specific and have some degree of tolerance. In your case, the good ending can only be accessed through an exact series of choices. It won't be too much of an issue if the players can directly see the implication of each choice, but one of the branches used here is Walt's question to Asher whether they had sex the night before or not. From a reader's perspective, the "choices with weight" were the "Yes" or "No", which is very natural to think of. Instead, the "correct" choice here to get into the good ending is to pick the unsure/neutral one. You have 5 branches that determine the ending, and the reader has to make exactly 5 correct choices to get the good ending (and all 5 wrongs for the bad end). This will likely cause some readers to miss the ending, and they might spend too much time figuring things out without the help of your guide. I personally believe if you have to rely on a guide to access a route, especially not a "super secret" route, then something is wrong with the design. I know it's a bunch of rambles, but I hope you get what I'm saying here. One solution that could help this is to make the one choice weighs more than the other, and give some tolerance when evaluating them to decide which branch the readers end up in.

All these things aside, I thoroughly enjoyed the game. I could see the effort and passion poured into it and I think you've done an amazing job. I'll be looking forward to your next project! ^^

Oh, so my guess was right. That's a clever game mechanic! If you plan to make another project, I definitely suggest using more non-writing elements to tell the story like that affinity points. That's a nice balance with your writing style to keep the reader's attention.

If you're planning to make something bigger (heh) as a team, I'll definitely suggest investing more time in learning the coding side. Renpy is good for basic things but beyond very basic customization, it can get frustrating real quick. Having the artist know bits and pieces about it is also helpful since they will know exactly what kind of asset is required.

It's getting very technical here, but for example, I can see you have the whole JJ's full body sprites variants, and then there are resized versions. You can simplify things by using layered images. Your workflow will be more streamlined.

The theme I was aiming more was the expanding web of fates, which was hinted at by the butterfly and spiderweb. Admittedly, I could not tell the message more explicitly because I lacked the time to do one important animation: the zoomed-out spiderweb showing more butterflies caught within. Oh, well, I've done what I could. 

I find it interesting how some people like the melancholy of the first part better, while some prefer the American Gods-filled plot of the last half. I'm just happy that they can serve as something that can capture people's interest, one way or another.

Gotta say that writing is not my best skill, so I compensate for it with visual cues. I'm glad I could pull it off pretty well to tell the story.

Regarding the theme, this year it's more into the word "expanding" rather than just the My Wolf trope. The jam doesn't even require you to have the wolf as a love interest, just being a major character is enough. Admittedly, I couldn't put a punching emphasis that the story I wanted to tell was expanding the web of fates, but still, I'm glad to know lots of people like the game as a whole.

Thanks for the kind words. That part was the core of the story, so I'm glad I've done it justice ^^

Thanks for playing! The time constraint for the game jam was definitely the biggest hurdle that led to the small mistakes. The most critical part of the story was the tone shift. It's understandable if people were caught off guard (because that was the intention), so I'm glad you like it!

I might have some announcements about the continuation of the project by the end of the month, so stay tuned ^^

I'm just surprised I got this report so late after the app upload. I know it's technically my mistake. Maybe people just went and played the web version instead? Idk. Web browser play now has 3x the number of total downloads from all platforms.

Thanks for playing! I have to admit that around +60% of the script was written directly in Visual Studio and I had no time to do a proper check. The shift could be better if the pacing was not that different. There are some scenes in mind that could serve as the braking pedal for a while but ultimately didn't make it into the game.

Most of my time went to figuring out how to code stuff, especially the animations plus making assets, which was a nightmare. It's also the reason why I used some backgrounds with clear humans. I wanted to edit them, but I knew I would go into a rabbit hole trying to make them perfect. Now that I have figured out how to do all the technical stuff used here, things should get more manageable for me to handle.

I forgot that you can actually {nw=time}, and by the time I realized it, I was already too deep and the clock was ticking aloud. Same thing with the pauses. Some scenes are put in sequential, delayed show statements, so there are only 2 alternatives: rely on the readers to not mess up the animations by clicking too quickly, or force the pause. Admittedly, I saw the latter option as better but didn't execute it gracefully. But now that I know how to pull things off, it should be easily fixed and avoided next time.

After reading the reviews, I think the biggest flaw is that after the PoV switch, literally everything is action and lore, full American Gods mode, which is strikingly different from the first part of the story. I did have some plans to add more narrative, but, again, time was the problem. One of the scrapped bits, which I hinted at very subtly, was Mycroft's unintentional involvement in making Cal get some extra money from race betting, and in turn pushed Cal to visit Mikkel at the climax of the first part. Obviously, though, almost nobody noticed that.

It's just so tricky to weave the plot because the idea is that the whole butterfly effect was purely by chance / not intentional. Mycroft was just in the right place and time to notice Mikkel, take pity, and make a simple kind gesture, no ulterior motive, But he was at the horribly worst time when his adversaries noticed that someone was trampling with death's schedule.

And when you said everything felt a bit impersonal, you're right. In fact, I think it should be like that because part one is basically a film roll of what Mycroft saw from Mikkel's thoughts and his possible fate after the meeting. That's one of the reasons why the intro has "Narrator" explicitly tagged as a character.

Could I put some hints before the shift? Maybe. Ultimately I'm just a single person and for now writing is just not my forte, especially a third-person PoV. Maybe if I have a co-writer or something...

Thanks for playing! I might have some announcement to make by the end of the month about the continuation of the project, so stay tuned ^^

I'm not cultured enough (yet), but I will put better, relevant references in the future. Maybe in the less serious part of the story, but that totally depends on whether someone dared me again or not lol.

Absolutely charming short story, got me all giddy throughout the read. The audio-visual direction is top-notch, just a little minus from some of the murky BGs, but that's no big deal. I do feel the ending is not... conclusive somehow? Some potential subplots were hinted at, but the curtain was already called. Regardless, INtSDL,bIWO is just amazing and lovely.

The only thing I regret is the short screen time of Kirari. She's the queen, the girlboss, the mother... and she allowed the principal to continue the assembly.

Ethereally beautiful. Out of all the entries, Astrophobia has the art direction I adore the most. The visual art style and music just blend perfectly to form that eerie yet beautiful atmosphere. The writing threads somewhere in between the poetry line, but still captures the anger and desperation of the characters realistically well. Oh, and I LOVE how you reinforce the storytelling through the changes in the background. And the final scene? Simply amazing.

The only grip I have is the dialogue box issue (which is apparently a bug), and maybe Al's default expression looks like he's staring at the void instead of you. Nothing too serious. Kudos to you for making a fantastic VN!

Warm and cozy. The writing, the cute CGs, and the music choice create a nice atmosphere. I'm not a big fan of SoL but I enjoyed the read. The characters have distinct voices and dynamics, making the conversations flow smoothly.

I do have a few things in mind but I guess they are nothing too serious. Firstly, I relate so much with Paola. I'm glad the boys were excited about the video games talks but I just couldn't really catch the talk rofl. Perhaps that's only a me thing, idk.

But I do think that, with your descriptive writing style, some people are bound to lose attention easier. Maybe putting in little conflicts will help OR make use of the "VN aspects" more, like when you let readers choose questions and the ice skating scene.  The latter part is memorable, although now that I think about it, almost everything went too smoothly. The nature walk, however, while the CG was cute and looked great, I  expected the scene to last longer. Lastly, I got the faint feeling you were not sure whether you wanted it to be pure about friendship or lean toward romance a bit (?)

Despite all of these, the story felt natural, and as I mentioned in the beginning, it's warm and cozy. Evoking such an atmosphere is a job well done itself, but maintaining it throughout the story is a great feat. I think this one quality is what makes BAwY stand out from the other entries (for me personally). Not everyone can direct and execute things correctly to get a specific vibe. I'm sure given more time, you'll go way way further, so kudos to you.