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It's Worthwhile by Christopher Galovan on Uppbeat ^^

Let's start with the bright side. The presentation is really slick and anyone can tell there is a lot of research dedicated to this project. The whole idea is probably the most unique among the jam entries. While the concept is intriguing, sadly it's not my cup of tea. I can't understand all those... words... and the history/political side is just not something I can get through. I'm just too puppy-brained >.<

I think Hetalia works because we are a bit familiar with the stereotypes of world countries, but here, I feel like a complete stranger. And My Municipality tries to thread the lines between something entertaining and serious, while the other is mostly outrageously hilarious.

That being said, the "story" did leave some emotional sadness, anger, and disappointment (?) at the conclusion of the story. A relationship broken over... nothing. Ooofff.

Overall it sure is an interesting read. Not my cup of tea, but it could be yours!

OH MY GOD!? This story is perfectly up my alley and I just love it! The characters are well-defined with strong personalities and their banters are good. SFXs are used really well to sell the tension. The Lovecraftian tidbits here are very intriguing. It would absolutely be an amazing VN if things were more refined.

That being said, I do have some gripes. While I really think that the SFXs dramatically improved the scenes, the absence of audio became more apparent and deducted the overall experience. More ambiance sounds would be nice. I'm also not a fan of floating sprites. You've done a great job at emoting and manipulating the sprites, but for me personally, seeing them just float on the screen just felt off. I think some earlier scenes would even work better without Roan's sprite on screen. Lastly, I felt sometimes the lovey-dovey moments were not... appropriately placed? They lessen the built-up tension of some of the serious scenes, and honestly, those unsettling tensions are the best part of the story.

A very entertaining story, especially if you love the genre. The ending line gave me freaking chills. I can't wait for more!

Now you got me curious about Burning Man. Too bad I probably won't ever join one...

The story is good and the comedy is definitely gold. I think it has just enough to be told to get us intrigued in the setting. I must say I'm not a big SoL fan and the thought of having to go through 9 days worth of SoL was too much, especially with minimum conflicts, but I'm glad it was wrapped the way it was. The pacing is still enjoyable for me, and the ending left a good note. Impressively entertaining!

Not a fan of second-person POV story, but it just works here. The occasional fourth wall break also serves as good comedy. The... "three visits" format and the writing are well done but I have to admit the lack of audio and inconsistent-sized, blurry BGs take a lot of the enjoyment.

I understand that time constraint might be the biggest problem. I wish to experience the game again when (if) it's in a better-polished state. Still a good read though!

It's shorter than I thought, but it's a solid one nonetheless. I want more!

I'm probably biased bcs I enjoy SnK a lot, all the tidbits just clicked in my mind right away. I wonder what people who have never read or watched the anime think about it though. I imagine it's a bit harder for them to conceptualize the action scene.

My one biggest disappointment is the fact there is no Sasageyo Sasageyo blasting on the main menu after finishing the story. Otherwise, it's a pretty fun read!

Ok, this one is a fun read. The writing is pretty good. Sure it's not flashy and all, but I also don't really have anything bad caught in my eyes. Well, maybe just one. I'm not a fan of floating sprites, but given the fact that it's a game jam entry, it's pretty understandable.

Alright, the final one I read from the three entries. I'm gonna go with The Awakened first and conclude with a comparison of all three.

THE AWAKENED

You must be tired of hearing people commenting on the no narration part. But here's what I thought caused the issue: the conversations are a bit artificial. Telling the story fully in first person perspective can work (heck I did that too), but it's tricky because you leave the burden of world-building through the lens of the MC.

The problem here in The Awekened is... you try to tell a lot through the conversation. I'm not saying you cannot slip in real issues like the healthcare system into the story. It's just that the delivery of the conversation is not natural. Instead of going "damn, that sucks, poor folks", I felt like it's not "the characters" who speak, but it's the writer instead; sometimes to the point I felt the topic of convo was a lecture instead. Consequentially, there was not enough breathing room for the characters to truly embrace their emotions and let the readers soak them in, resulting in the pacing to suffer. We need time to build relationships with the characters, and when they act unnatural, it's a bit difficult to establish it. My suggestion is to imagine the scenes like they are for movies. If you're upset the characters in the movies not speaking humanely enough, then you know there are issues.

Another gripe I have is the choice of music. Sure the presence of audio can enhance the experience, but for me personally, the music used did not help to build up what was going on in the story.

OVERALL

Out of all 3 entries, I have to say the best one is Replay Video. It's a bit ironic since that's the last one that came into your mind and you had a couple of days to wrap it, but it's the best one. The reason is, the story is solid. You know exactly how the story starts, how it ends, and what you want to tell behind it. Perhaps it's somewhat affected by the fact that the concept of Replay Video was visualized in your dream. As a result, all of the presentations were purposeful. There were not many bloated or unnecessary lines, except for the scene with the dragon. I felt like you felt the pressure to explain everything through that scene to make things as logical as possible for the readers, going as far into the little details. Other than that scene, everything was good. The MC's inner dilemma is well delivered (albeit rushed at the end), and I could sympathize with him well. Some lines felt wooden but it's not that noticeable.

The second favorite is Worth More Than Words. Again, what makes it great is I can tell that you know well what story you want to tell. Most of the problems come from the execution but they are not that big of a deal. Lastly, The Awakened. I can't help but feel that the whole idea/concept of the story is a bit too big and you were too excited to produce the project, resulting in the issues I have mentioned earlier.

I have to say that you're doing a spectacular job in submitting three different entries all on your own! I hope this game jam can serve as a good experience, because I'm pretty sure the quality of your work improves as time goes by ^^

I had to play it again outside the stream to make my own opinion and...

I LOVE the presentation. It's minimalistic but purposeful, and makes the whole package unique. The writing is excellent. The trope of machine/alien learning to become human never bores me. The "rebound" being a bit literal is a pleasant surprise. Also +1 point for having a tentacle monster facefucking the MC.

I won't repeat all the others have said but I do have some gripes of my own. I feel like, for some reason, given how the overall story is designed, I couldn't find it to be personal enough. Sure there are good moments of character development, but I couldn't relate or empathize enough with the characters on an emotional level. On the other hand, I also think it's not sci-fi enough? Maybe that's just my personal preference with this kind of story.

Overall it's a solid one!

Cute woof, I thought it was a mermaid from the cover lol. The writing is simple and nice. It's just that I'm not sure...  should we read the main entry of the series first?  I ended up with so many questions. The mystery part was there, but I felt like it was not emphasized enough? Instead, half of the story focused on MC fixating on the wolf in an almost unnatural way.

I'm curious what will the story tell us if given more context to everything.

Finally, a human-isekai'ed-to-furry-world, but the MC is the evil. It's a refreshing premise and the audio direction helps to build the feel. Unfortunately, though, the pacing is off. It felt like I was presented with plot point after plot point without the time to get immersed in the story. I couldn't connect to any character on an emotional level.

The potential of the story is there. I think if the writing is further refined, it'll make a much more interesting story.

Thanks for your kind words! I'm still experimenting on stuff to find out what works well and what doesn't. I'll take into consideration all the input from this game jam to move forward ^^

I really appreciate all the custom sprites, BGs, everything. Even the music too! Though it didn't make it into the game, it's a pretty good piece. It's unfortunate how you stumble upon the... technical difficulties, but I guess that's part of the learning curve of VN development, eh?

The plot itself is fun, but I can see why some people yawn while reading it. Audio is a pretty important piece for a VN. Right, I'm not gonna dig further into things that are possibly unintentional mistakes because of the... circumstances. On another note, the "pool" scene was a bit difficult to digest. Not that you didn't describe the scene enough. In fact, it's the exact opposite. You went into details but it felt like something that's written for a novel. It could work better for a text-only medium, but in a visual novel, the readers would instinctively carve for supporting visuals for scenes that involve meticulous details.

My main gripe is the MC. I don't know if it's intentional, but damn, he's really helpless. I lost my mind when he barraged Colton with questions instead of getting a grip on the situation. Even after the pursuit, he kept doing this. Of course, it's very normal for someone to have lots of questions given the situation, but the way the conversation flowed wasn't fluid. If I were the wolf, I'd just ditch him. Call it a personal preference, but god knows we've had enough of helpless main characters in FVN space.

This VN has a lot of potential, I'm looking forward to seeing the project after the patch-up.

I'm so glad I came to this VN expecting comedy, and boy it delivered. I laughed, and cringed, and laughed the entire playthrough. Does RIP Harmony have some deep meaningful narration? Not really, but I don't care. I don't care the last scene doesn't really make sense either. Heck, most of the story is filled with borderline nonsensical humor. This is comedy gold among the entries and I love it!

Gotta say the whole solar punk theme and premise are thought-provoking, but I genuinely think that the story is floating in the work-of-literature realm rather than that of a game, especially a visual novel.

Don't get me wrong though, the visuals in ParaBEN are great. I'd argue the sprites and the main menu are some of the best art among all the entries. They communicate the vibe very well and it's present throughout the gameplay. 

It's just that I'll probably enjoy the story better if it's packaged in a written, sci-fi novel. I couldn't connect to the characters on an emotional level. Perhaps it's because there stakes are not high enough. Perhaps it's because I found the... concept (?), idea (?), I don't know how to say it, but I found that part more interesting than the actual characters. Maybe it's a mix of everything.

Regardless of all that, ParaBEN is an enjoyable read and it's probably one of the boldest entry on this jam.

I didn't expect to enjoy it sooooo much. I love how you give subtle hints from the beginning of the story all the way up to the reveal. It's super fun to pick up the small details, and it's even more fun to see other people lose their minds lol.

My only gripe is... that one CG was really sick, I expected the story to wrap up there (*cue title card drop: Blazing Passion). Instead, we got one more scene that was supposed to juxtapose MC's failure with the wolf's and dig a bit deeper into MC's big regret. But, for some reason, I found the ending less satisfying.

Despite everything, Blazing Passion is an unhinged fun read that puts me on the edge of my seat, a very recommended game! 

First of all, congratulations on making the VN! I can see you put a lot of effort into it and they are amazing, from the custom sprites, GUI, music, all of 'em. I had to play the game on my own outside of the stream to form an opinion. I do think the overall game is great, so I'll be focusing on some things that I think can be improved, so here we go...

SPOILERS ALERT

You have an interesting premise here. Combined with the game title, you grabbed the readers' interest from the get-go. We would instinctively be questioning "ok what's up with this town?" Unfortunately, I think you didn't lean on it hard enough, and that's probably why some people think the shift to the second half of the story is a bit jarring. There's a potential to dig at it a bit further, and I think this is the "missing link" (?). When Walt said something about his friends, Asher could probably tell a bit more about the town's myth or other oddities. That would ease up the shift more toward the mystery part and make the relationship more dynamic. I'm fairly neutral about the voices, but I can see why it's a bit random for some people.

Lastly, about the design of the route split. From reading your notes, apparently, it's kinda spur of the moment decision (?). While I wholeheartedly enjoy the content of all three routes, the design of how a player can access a route is... not so much. I assume you wanted each of those three different paths to tell different sides of the story, so the readers can get the whole picture only by playing through all of them? (I love that system rather than route split that only gives minor flavor text differences or just the ending without affecting the big picture). If that's the plan, I think you should make the route split not very vaguely specific and have some degree of tolerance. In your case, the good ending can only be accessed through an exact series of choices. It won't be too much of an issue if the players can directly see the implication of each choice, but one of the branches used here is Walt's question to Asher whether they had sex the night before or not. From a reader's perspective, the "choices with weight" were the "Yes" or "No", which is very natural to think of. Instead, the "correct" choice here to get into the good ending is to pick the unsure/neutral one. You have 5 branches that determine the ending, and the reader has to make exactly 5 correct choices to get the good ending (and all 5 wrongs for the bad end). This will likely cause some readers to miss the ending, and they might spend too much time figuring things out without the help of your guide. I personally believe if you have to rely on a guide to access a route, especially not a "super secret" route, then something is wrong with the design. I know it's a bunch of rambles, but I hope you get what I'm saying here. One solution that could help this is to make the one choice weighs more than the other, and give some tolerance when evaluating them to decide which branch the readers end up in.

All these things aside, I thoroughly enjoyed the game. I could see the effort and passion poured into it and I think you've done an amazing job. I'll be looking forward to your next project! ^^

Oh, so my guess was right. That's a clever game mechanic! If you plan to make another project, I definitely suggest using more non-writing elements to tell the story like that affinity points. That's a nice balance with your writing style to keep the reader's attention.

If you're planning to make something bigger (heh) as a team, I'll definitely suggest investing more time in learning the coding side. Renpy is good for basic things but beyond very basic customization, it can get frustrating real quick. Having the artist know bits and pieces about it is also helpful since they will know exactly what kind of asset is required.

It's getting very technical here, but for example, I can see you have the whole JJ's full body sprites variants, and then there are resized versions. You can simplify things by using layered images. Your workflow will be more streamlined.

The theme I was aiming more was the expanding web of fates, which was hinted at by the butterfly and spiderweb. Admittedly, I could not tell the message more explicitly because I lacked the time to do one important animation: the zoomed-out spiderweb showing more butterflies caught within. Oh, well, I've done what I could. 

I find it interesting how some people like the melancholy of the first part better, while some prefer the American Gods-filled plot of the last half. I'm just happy that they can serve as something that can capture people's interest, one way or another.

Gotta say that writing is not my best skill, so I compensate for it with visual cues. I'm glad I could pull it off pretty well to tell the story.

Regarding the theme, this year it's more into the word "expanding" rather than just the My Wolf trope. The jam doesn't even require you to have the wolf as a love interest, just being a major character is enough. Admittedly, I couldn't put a punching emphasis that the story I wanted to tell was expanding the web of fates, but still, I'm glad to know lots of people like the game as a whole.

Thanks for the kind words. That part was the core of the story, so I'm glad I've done it justice ^^

Thanks for playing! The time constraint for the game jam was definitely the biggest hurdle that led to the small mistakes. The most critical part of the story was the tone shift. It's understandable if people were caught off guard (because that was the intention), so I'm glad you like it!

I might have some announcements about the continuation of the project by the end of the month, so stay tuned ^^

I'm just surprised I got this report so late after the app upload. I know it's technically my mistake. Maybe people just went and played the web version instead? Idk. Web browser play now has 3x the number of total downloads from all platforms.

Thanks for playing! I have to admit that around +60% of the script was written directly in Visual Studio and I had no time to do a proper check. The shift could be better if the pacing was not that different. There are some scenes in mind that could serve as the braking pedal for a while but ultimately didn't make it into the game.

Most of my time went to figuring out how to code stuff, especially the animations plus making assets, which was a nightmare. It's also the reason why I used some backgrounds with clear humans. I wanted to edit them, but I knew I would go into a rabbit hole trying to make them perfect. Now that I have figured out how to do all the technical stuff used here, things should get more manageable for me to handle.

I forgot that you can actually {nw=time}, and by the time I realized it, I was already too deep and the clock was ticking aloud. Same thing with the pauses. Some scenes are put in sequential, delayed show statements, so there are only 2 alternatives: rely on the readers to not mess up the animations by clicking too quickly, or force the pause. Admittedly, I saw the latter option as better but didn't execute it gracefully. But now that I know how to pull things off, it should be easily fixed and avoided next time.

After reading the reviews, I think the biggest flaw is that after the PoV switch, literally everything is action and lore, full American Gods mode, which is strikingly different from the first part of the story. I did have some plans to add more narrative, but, again, time was the problem. One of the scrapped bits, which I hinted at very subtly, was Mycroft's unintentional involvement in making Cal get some extra money from race betting, and in turn pushed Cal to visit Mikkel at the climax of the first part. Obviously, though, almost nobody noticed that.

It's just so tricky to weave the plot because the idea is that the whole butterfly effect was purely by chance / not intentional. Mycroft was just in the right place and time to notice Mikkel, take pity, and make a simple kind gesture, no ulterior motive, But he was at the horribly worst time when his adversaries noticed that someone was trampling with death's schedule.

And when you said everything felt a bit impersonal, you're right. In fact, I think it should be like that because part one is basically a film roll of what Mycroft saw from Mikkel's thoughts and his possible fate after the meeting. That's one of the reasons why the intro has "Narrator" explicitly tagged as a character.

Could I put some hints before the shift? Maybe. Ultimately I'm just a single person and for now writing is just not my forte, especially a third-person PoV. Maybe if I have a co-writer or something...

Thanks for playing! I might have some announcement to make by the end of the month about the continuation of the project, so stay tuned ^^

I'm not cultured enough (yet), but I will put better, relevant references in the future. Maybe in the less serious part of the story, but that totally depends on whether someone dared me again or not lol.

Absolutely charming short story, got me all giddy throughout the read. The audio-visual direction is top-notch, just a little minus from some of the murky BGs, but that's no big deal. I do feel the ending is not... conclusive somehow? Some potential subplots were hinted at, but the curtain was already called. Regardless, INtSDL,bIWO is just amazing and lovely.

The only thing I regret is the short screen time of Kirari. She's the queen, the girlboss, the mother... and she allowed the principal to continue the assembly.

Ethereally beautiful. Out of all the entries, Astrophobia has the art direction I adore the most. The visual art style and music just blend perfectly to form that eerie yet beautiful atmosphere. The writing threads somewhere in between the poetry line, but still captures the anger and desperation of the characters realistically well. Oh, and I LOVE how you reinforce the storytelling through the changes in the background. And the final scene? Simply amazing.

The only grip I have is the dialogue box issue (which is apparently a bug), and maybe Al's default expression looks like he's staring at the void instead of you. Nothing too serious. Kudos to you for making a fantastic VN!

Warm and cozy. The writing, the cute CGs, and the music choice create a nice atmosphere. I'm not a big fan of SoL but I enjoyed the read. The characters have distinct voices and dynamics, making the conversations flow smoothly.

I do have a few things in mind but I guess they are nothing too serious. Firstly, I relate so much with Paola. I'm glad the boys were excited about the video games talks but I just couldn't really catch the talk rofl. Perhaps that's only a me thing, idk.

But I do think that, with your descriptive writing style, some people are bound to lose attention easier. Maybe putting in little conflicts will help OR make use of the "VN aspects" more, like when you let readers choose questions and the ice skating scene.  The latter part is memorable, although now that I think about it, almost everything went too smoothly. The nature walk, however, while the CG was cute and looked great, I  expected the scene to last longer. Lastly, I got the faint feeling you were not sure whether you wanted it to be pure about friendship or lean toward romance a bit (?)

Despite all of these, the story felt natural, and as I mentioned in the beginning, it's warm and cozy. Evoking such an atmosphere is a job well done itself, but maintaining it throughout the story is a great feat. I think this one quality is what makes BAwY stand out from the other entries (for me personally). Not everyone can direct and execute things correctly to get a specific vibe. I'm sure given more time, you'll go way way further, so kudos to you.

"It is, therefore it is."

Gotta be my favorite line from all entries, I'm sobbing rofl

Thank you for your input and for bringing the Android UI problem to my attention. I can't believe I overlooked that part. ISTG Ren'py screen language is just unnecessarily complicated. I will ask the organizers if I can upload a fix since it's just UI & porting to Android problem.

Thanks for the thorough review and very kind words.

Yup, those little oversights are part of the time pressure effect. There were so many things I had to do, and with how much I wanted to put on the table, I'm sure you could understand that the project was quite complex. I even had to write more than half of the story directly on Visual Studio, so... :DaveSwt:

By the 2-hour mark from the deadline, I was too burnt out to fix the little things.

Glad to hear that the first part of the story is your favorite. But, as a storyteller, I don't want to be stuck only in writing sobfest depressing story. I know it's a total 180, but I want something that gives The Punisher theme vibes in FVN space lol. Welp, only time will tell.

Sorry for the late response, as I have to gather my thoughts (and life's been a bit too busy). Thanks for the input!

It seems most of the feedback I've received has a pattern, and I might address them in more detail in a post. Hmmm where do I go first...

SPOILERS ALERT

Let's start with the background. The bedroom one is the only one I drew bcs I knew from the beginning how I wanted that scene to unfold. It's just impossible to use stock images. I needed to visually tell the numbness and signs of depression in Mikkel's state of mind. For the one with humans... welp, I packed everything after the scene in the dock just within 5 days, at that point I just had to prioritize other things, including writing. Yes, I wrote a large chunk of the lines directly in Visual Studio... Sure I could add ears to make them less human, but there was just no time to do that without me getting upset trying to make things look perfect lol. The degree of blurriness, though, was intentional, as it reflected how the POV looked at the world.

Next about the genre / POV shift. The true main MC of the story beyond One More Light has always been Mycroft. His gifts are not something flashy, but I want to put into perspective just how ridiculous he can affect someone's course of life. Hence the butterfly and spiderweb metaphor, with the butterfly finally free at the end. That's why I didn't explore the first act too much.

Besides, it has to do with Mikkel's problem. I wanted to portray the depression part as grounded as possible, and isolation was one of its progression. He always saw himself as a burden. There were plans to get Cal more involved in the story but alas the lack of time forced me to scrap it. And about the random bits part in the bedroom. Well, that's the thing about being depressed. You become so numb, you want to feel just a little bit of entertainment, but then the sadness comes in waves out of the tiniest thing (Mikkel reading something about drowning).

Speaking of randomness, Mycroft appearing out of nowhere was the thematic thing I base the story on, "life is random". The whole story started simply because of a last-minute, kind gesture by Mycroft who took pity upon a random stranger. That, and his hatred of how the world seemed unfair in his eyes. But, unknown even to himself, the antagonist was coincidently nearby when Mycroft used his gift. Admittedly, I might have a critical mistake by not putting more emphasis that Mycroft not only has precognition, but also retrocognition, hence his "playing god" attitude.

Maybe I could make everything more smooth, but yeah, time got in the way. And writing is my weakest skill. For a project that started and wrapped in just one month, with ~10k words, and developed solo, I'm quite happy that I managed tell this much of a story. But for the next one? I'll definitely take notes from all the input I get.

Congrats on making your very first VN! I had a blast playing Donut Holes!

The pacing was great. Every dialogue felt like flowing flawlessly with zero moments wasted. The smut was well-placed and served as a good conclusion to the story. Everything felt natural.

The art style gives the project a distinct personality. The best part is you managed to use the visual elements to reinforce the storytelling (the truck and the belly!). That's pretty rare to see among all the entries I have read so far. The UI could do some improvement, but the state of the game as it is, is already satisfactory.

Overall it's a good read. 10/10 would date JJ.

Solid simple premise delivered beautifully. The story feels a little close to home. My grandma is a lovely woman who came from a very poor family. She likes to tell me how her childhood used to be. How she and her siblings had to work hard, eat whatever they had on the table, etc. Always feels like a lecture session, but it never bores me because she's always so passionate about telling me her stories. And that's what I like about WMTW. The father lecturing his son all the way felt grounded and authentic, making the scene very sentimental. But, this is a visual novel. I'm afraid that scene was "too much telling, less showing." The scene between the siblings (albeit short) was sweet, arguably the most visually appealing part, I wish there were more like this part.

On the technical side, I love how you contrast the art style between the past and the present. However, I personally like your 2D style better. The 3D style felt a bit off, perhaps because my brain expects 3D objects to interact with each other, having depth of field and lighting interactions between them. But this is a purely subjective preference.

The animation for the main menu looks appealing and communicates well what the readers could expect from the story. A little tip: Ren'py can do frame-by-frame animation just fine, you don't need additional video editing tools at all.

Lastly, this is perhaps my biggest grip. I feel strongly conflicted about the NSFW part of the story. I don't think that part adds significant value to the storytelling. Instead, it retracts the mood that has been slowly built up. Perhaps you felt the urge to include it because you wanted to make the project fit within the boundary of the theme with that one line. Perhaps it's purely to showcase your main project.

Regardless, WMTM is a pleasing short read that hits its mark.

Just finished both routes and boy it's great. Slick UI, gorgeous sprites, 10/10 would date Felix. The writing department of Tuning Out is strong, perhaps one of the best among the jam entries I have read so far. You can tell the dev put extra effort into refining the style of descriptive storytelling.

SPOILER WARNING, you have been warned.

I like how wildly different the two routes were yet they both captured the character growth of Holden in equally meaningful ways. One is through an even messed up, toxic situation, one is through a better newfound companionship. While Felix's route was a sweet read, I think I like Roy's route better because the portrayal of the MC being helplessly indecisive, self-loathing, etc. was well captured. The way Roy treated Holden made me very uncomfortable, it was a refreshing breath of air to be able to tell him to fuck off at the end. Props to you for evoking such emotions for the readers to swallow.

Moving on to the point systems. At first, I completely disliked it, especially in Roy's route: "Why do I get a minus for Roy?" "Wait now Holden too?" "What is the right choice???". And then jumping into Felix's route, everything was much more simple. I don't know if it was the intention, but at the end of gameplay, I found the juxtaposition kinda fits and reflected Holden's state of mind.

On the more technical aspects, one of the weaknesses of a long descriptive narrative is that you have to keep the interest of readers. Personally, I think there were some scenes where the lack of audio made the silence deafening (like in the abandoned warehouse). Another thing to note is pauses between scenes. It's simple, but transitioning from one scene to another that's supposed to have a big time gap without a proper pause in between felt a bit off. Speaking of transition, a simple dissolve (or any other transition) between backgrounds would make the presentation more seamless.

On yet another more technical aspect (this is me being really nitpicky), I think the text did not contrast very well with some backgrounds. I would consider raising the opacity of the dialogue box just a bit. One of the backgrounds of the city was a picture of nighttime, making me "Wait it's night already? Oh no it's still the afternoon."

Also, I think it's a mistake that slipped through. Just before the first choice, while Holden was talking with Roy, there was suddenly a line of dialogue spoken by Abby (?)

Overall Tuning Out is a well-crafted story about getting out of a toxic relationship and growing past it. Beautifully done!

Thanks for playing ^^

I have a bit of an advantage in this jam, in that I joined last year's jam, so I knew the scope of things I have to deal with in developing the idea I have in mind solo. One More Light is kinda like a proof-of-concept for some of the art direction and mechanics I want to use for future projects. I'm not sure if it's going to be under the same title though, only time will tell.

Interesting premise and take for the concept of personal purgatory. I'm not gonna comment too much on the technical aspects because it's a two-days work so I can understand why some parts are a bit rough around the edges. But the fact that you use custom backgrounds, albeit simple, is already great. You have two more entries I have yet to read, which (I believe) are a better reflection of yours, I might go deeper into those.

My only grip, is that Al spoke too coherently for someone who was in an extreme emotional state (anger and sorrow). If you're distressed, you would most likely speak a bit incoherently/with a bit of stutter. That's it!

Replay Video is an impressive and enjoyable product of a project, especially considering everything was put together within only two days!