Very nice work with this game!
The pixel art is really good, and is very RPG maker-like, with the high amount of detail in the smaller assets. The addition of multiple solutions and ways to progress is a good touch, it adds a sense of variety and player freedom (though it could be portrayed better). It seems to be solid and decently written, with a fun mystery element and themes of technology and dystopia. The story, characters, and themes seem to have a more serious tone to them... I'm interested in how you may use these distinct themes to drive home some kind of message, or something the player can take away from the game once they finish?
My biggest recommendation: Add a quest log for clearer story progression (optional toggle on/off). I can't figure out what to do after I get the lady to open the door. Merc mentioned a ladder but I don't know what he's talking about...
From what I've seen, a hooking narrative will have things that appeal to the player's expectations and emotions. Make the characters relatable, maybe some a little edgy, maybe some a little sad. Put them in tense situations, funny ones, tragic ones, mysterious situations that keep the player guessing. Oh, and make a character that the player wants to beat the hell out of. That's just my way of doing it :)
The biggest problem with this game in my opinion is its lacking in ability to engage the player. It appears to be similar to a fetch quest walking sim, with little input from the player to progress the story forward. Now, I don't have a problem with fetch quest walking sims; I actually think it's fun and somewhat entertaining to, for example, get this guy some noodles so he'll let you through. But once you do that, you move on with the story and... I don't know, I'm just not really engaged.
Engagement usually comes with an abundance of solid gameplay and core mechanics that flesh out a game's story, its characters, and world... But a game like yours doesn't need solid gameplay to be great. It needs to compensate for the lack of it with a really engaging story, characters, and world, which I'm sure you're working very hard on!
Please feel free to give my game some feedback as well, I could really use it! https://wasabiiii.itch.io/grass-elemental-demo-demo
I hope this post helps you out, I really would like to be more engaged with Sapphire City!