I really enjoyed the opening to this story - you have a good hook and I found myself hoping for more of the interactions between Blackvayne, Tilda, and Narial. I would have loved to see you cut down some of the post-bite word count (I'm thinking specifically of the description of his bite and its symptoms, you could lower the word count with some rephrasing and still keep the details and narrative weight IMO) to explore those relationships more, both pre- and post-bite. This story is a great improvement on your OPRWJ#8 entry in terms of clarity, flow, and character- I can't wait to see what your entry in the next jam looks like!