Good characters and setting, I really felt the victorian vibes. I do have to ask, is this part of a larger story? It seemed to not fit the theme very well, despite being well written. It's paced like it should be 5,000 words instead of 1,000. Just asking because if I could read the 5,000 word version, I would. Sorry in advance if that sounded harsh. I do really like your writing.
Play book
All That Glitters's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Flow & Clarity | #24 | 3.500 | 3.500 |
| Concepts & Originality | #46 | 3.227 | 3.227 |
| Overall | #48 | 2.803 | 2.803 |
| Adherence to Theme | #53 | 1.682 | 1.682 |
Ranked from 22 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Comments
I appreciate the honest opinion and am glad you liked it overall. I have an overarching them in mind and plan to continue to write towards it in coming jams. Jam #8 started the Blackvayne saga and #9 was a prequel so they are essentially out of order. I am thinking #10 will be in the same saga but something different than what I've done thus far. People will love it or hate it and that's okay by me.
Dunno how this fit the theme at all, but a good tale of vampiric fall from grace... Assuming this Count ever had any to begin with. Leaving so as not to harm his family was a (temporarily?) redeeming touch though.
Submitted
Bitter Rain - OPR Story Jam #9I really enjoyed the opening to this story - you have a good hook and I found myself hoping for more of the interactions between Blackvayne, Tilda, and Narial. I would have loved to see you cut down some of the post-bite word count (I'm thinking specifically of the description of his bite and its symptoms, you could lower the word count with some rephrasing and still keep the details and narrative weight IMO) to explore those relationships more, both pre- and post-bite. This story is a great improvement on your OPRWJ#8 entry in terms of clarity, flow, and character- I can't wait to see what your entry in the next jam looks like!
I am intrigued of how the story continues. I got victorian-era vibes mixed with vinci tech and i think it checks out well.
I couldn't quite clearly see the "Unlikely Allies" part of the jam. Maybe the mistress who consorts with a vampire?
Edit: I have read your answer to the other comments.
Submitted
SnowdropI'm assuming the unlikely alliance part is someone from Duchies of Vinci becoming a Vampire?
Submitted
A Deal With The DevilThere's an interesting start to a (much longer) story here, but it seems almost completely unrelated to the writing prompt. Assuming there is a longer story that you're working on, I'm interested in seeing where this goes.
Submitted
Memory of StoneI try to follow the writing prompts, but I try to put a twist on them. Most people think of unlikely allies as two individuals from rival factions joining forces for good. In this one, the protagonist is opposed by the mysterious union of two unrelated forces. This story serves as the prequel to my entry in the last jam titled, Lord Blackvayne's Dilemma, if you are interested in checking that out to see where this is going. Thanks for reading.
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