I really enjoyed this one, and I think it's a very solid entry that's very well organized with a strong sense of pacing and tension. I will second the "different title would have been better" comments (though it didn't affect my rating), though, and I was really hoping for a bit more at the end - I think there's a lot of explanation and setting up front that could have been trimmed and rephrased to keep what's important while freeing you up enough words to really add a more definite ending (and maybe more paragraph breaks, to aid in readability).
Viewing post in The Vampire Police Arrested Me for Tax Evasion jam comments
Thank you! Good call about the paragraph breaks; I realize I've been using those very sparingly. Concerning the ending though, I'm honestly not sure if I would've gone further into it even if I'd had the space. Like, the development that the story focuses on is complete at that point, and I don't know if following that up with an explicit description of a vampire getting his head bitten off would've added much to the narrative as a whole. Still, I appreciate the feedback :D