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Thank you for valid criticisms! Hope you have a good day :) 

See this is why john must die. He gave us a shitty shitty game, and he deserves an execution because of it. Find him, and kill him. That is your one true goal. Do not falter to the distractions the game deceives you with, as it is all a ploy for John to escape. You still have time left to end him. Hurry, before its too late and he invades this years jam too

Ima be honest, half of your review is just bitching about the game being too hard, then the other half is you saying that you were malding so bad that your dad won't let you walk your dog??? The game isn't that hard, I've never playing ultrakill or related games, and I'm not a "master" by any means and I was more then able to play this game. The game is fairly generous with health pickups and I was able to reach close to the end in one life. You can't blame the devs if your just bad at the game and raged