First off, 0:0-0:23 make the main tune fade in and the rest of the instruments fade in after like the original and when the last few notes of that tune plays, have the music go from 80% to 100% volume but still try to keep it natural. 0:46-0:56 at the last note where it plays a C#, make the note stop when the last drum sfx plays just like the airplane version. At 2:04, make a lower pitch version of 0:46-0:56 where the first note for that part (0:46-0:56) matches with the note played at 2:04. At 3:47, add a note at the background that starts extremely low and slowly increases pitch (and increases in volume a little bit) for the duration G# is played. Around the 4:00 mark where it does the second to last repeat, cut off a part of the 2nd to last repeat and blend it in with the last repeat (In other words, take a good part to cut off (not a random portion) and set the volume to the same volume as the last repeat.). At the last note of the track, instead of doing one note, let the last repeat finish fully (include the part where it sounds like 0:10) and then while the repeat is finishing, have an octave fade in and at the part that sounds like 0:10, have both the octave and the normal pitch go from 80% to 100% volume for the last 6 notes (Make it sound natural: don't make it sound like you put your speaker volume from 5% to 100% volume.). Also, make the track sound more like the airplane version (Link in next message) and don't repeat the same tune over and over.
I know this may be a long text and hopefully it's not burning you out. Overall, 8.5/10.