Very interesting idea and even the style. I like te idea to write things and to build the story on something that has been written. I like that everything happens in a city, and I would suggest to avoid any idea correlated with open spaces, woods, mountains and other natural environments.
I like very much the suggestions about personas and lugares; you could include more suggestions: objects, sentiments...
On the contrary, the rules about biforcation, the management of the story, how the role of master is changed, what exactly people can or cannot do, are still not very clear, and probably you are working on that. As MrValis I am not sure what you mean when yous say "the chapter may preserve the unity of space or time, but not both"
Probably the game does not deserve to be played in more than one day.
Finally, the end of the game seems a little "soft"; but again, I think you wanted to do so