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Hi!!!!! New “BonBon” player here. I found this game from Jacob Geller’s new YouTube video. Came across all of these issues you’re facing as well! I also came across these issues in a game I played a while ago called “Perfect Vermin”. After doing some research on that game, I found that turning off your Wi-Fi, will fix the problem! Not quite sure why, but I turned it off and… what do you know, a working game! This popped into my mind while furiously restarting “Bonbon” for the 19th time, so I went ahead and tried it.

TURNING OFF YOUR WI-FI WILL MOST LIKELY BONBON MAKE WORK ON YOUR PC!!!! (WE USED THE ITCHIO DOWNLOAD, NOT STEAM IF THAT MAKES A DIFFERENCE FYI)

Hi Basil! That's amazing, thank you so much.
This has been destroying my brain for some time, and now I have a work-around to tell people.

(I guess the issue is with the Unreal 4 crash-reporting tool, which usually wants firewall permissions even if there's no crash and it does literally nothing. Disconnecting from the internet would disable the crash-reporting tool. Stoopid Unreal.)