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DeputyB18

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A member registered Jul 11, 2023 · View creator page →

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Thank you for reading.

I would like to go back and revise the script. Reading back on it I realize that there's not much going on in the story. Nothing of value really happens. I had plans to do more, but I didn't have enough time. I would have liked to have more scenes of the main character and the wolf not getting along. At least there would have been character development.  I have to concur with everyone's feedback that there is more to be desired. I just hope I can deliver once the game jam is over. 

Thanks for reading! I had a fun time writing the characters. I'm happy to know that it was a pleasant read!
I'm hoping to revise the script in some important parts so that it feels like more happens in the story. I feel like friendship is not as common when it comes to visual novels, and it's something that I'd like to see more of.

Thank you for reading with us, and thank you for your thoughts.

I'm happy to know that you enjoyed the writing! I feel like I'm a bit rusty but I'm delighted to know that it is solid. I wanted to have the characters emote as much as possible. I'm glad that Sikyu drew many emotions for me to utilize for the characters and their writing. I wanted to convey tone and emotion as much as possible.

I do agree that the story dragged on a bit, especially for the talk about the video games. If there was less of it, and more time for developing characters, I think that the story's impact would be more meaningful, especially Callum's character as well. He needed more development so his growth could feel meaningful as well.

I'm pleased to know that you liked this story. I feel like slice of life stories are sometimes hard to do, so some of them end up feeling mundane. I wanted my story to not feel boring or mundane, but I think there should be more to it. A part of me feels like it's still missing something. I think for a future product, I should try another genre instead. 

Thank you for reading!

Thank you! 

Thank you for your thoughts! I agree that there wasn't many stakes or a hook. It's one of the biggest problems I've had with the story looking back. I wish I had more scenes of the wolf and the main character not getting along at first. That would be the first thing I'd like to change once I get the opportunity to change the script. 
I'm happy to know that you enjoyed the writing as well as the character writing. My writing has been quite since rusty, since I haven't written in years. I'll keep your review in mind for the future.

Thank you for the review! I'm pleased to know that you liked the atmosphere!

I will have to say I did get carried away with having the characters talk about the video games. I wanted the characters to have a common hobby, but I didn't give much thought into how it could potentially be alienating to some readers. I wish I had more time to write more scenes, especially scenes with conflict or some kind of adversity between the main character and the wolf. He does start off as prickly, but there's not enough time to see him that way, so his growth doesn't feel as genuine to me. It's one of my biggest gripes, if I am to be honest. I'd like to revise the script and make some scenes longer, like the nature walk, the game store, and the concert. Especially the nature walk. It seems rushed. I was writing that point and beyond with about 4 days left before the deadline.

Looking back on it, I agree that it seems confusing on whether or not it was friendship or romance, but I really wanted it to turn out as a friendship, since jumping into a relationship so quickly wouldn't fit for the characters. I'll also keep this in mind for the future. 

Thank you for your input! I will have to agree that there isn't a lot of impact in the story. If I had more time, I would have liked to flesh out the characters. Looking back on it, there's not enough scenes of the wolf being mean/antisocial towards the main character for his growth to feel natural or earned. That is one thing I want to change once I have the opportunity.  To be honest, this too is my biggest issue with the story. I didn't have enough time to plan and my writing was quite aimless at some points. 

I will admit I did get carried away having the characters talk about their interests more than themselves, and that is something else I would like to work on. Hobbies are OK, but they're not typically indicative of a person or their life. I will keep this in mind when I have a chance to revise the script. 
The story has potential to me, and while it is a "finished product", I don't truly consider it finished. When I finish anything I create, I have to have a feeling of "this is a job well done," but I don't feel it with this VN. It's passable but it does not meet the standard I hold myself to.

Thank you! I'm happy to know that you liked the atmosphere of the VN. I wanted it to be a bit more realistic and grounded since it takes place in a modern setting. At least for me, everyday life has that kind of vibe when there's moments of calm and I'm among friends.

I had to wonder if the characters are distinct enough. I feel like one of my greatest challenges with dialogue is to make characters have a unique voice, so I'm glad that they did.

I will have to say, the ice skating scene was one of my favorite things to review. This is my first time programming a video game, and before this project, I have not had much programming experience. I learned a bit in high school but struggled with C++, and I tried a bit of Java and Visual Studio Code. I find that Ren'py was the easiest to learn so far and I'll be happy to return to it in the future. Getting the sprites to move around was exciting, and I'll always feel a bit proud about that.

I really wanted the CGs to fit in, even if it didn't match Sikyu's style. I tried to depict the personalities I made of the characters instead, so it seemed natural for them to be in those scenes. Especially the one with the hug at the end. Making the wolf not particularly photogenic seemed indicative of his personality. 

As for the music, I wanted to get the most I could out of 13 compositions. At first I thought I picked too much, but I managed to fit all of them in the VN and have them work for the scenes, which is great! I feel like music is an important part of storytelling. Some of the most memorable moments in media and stories are accompanied by wonderful music, so I had to keep that in mind as I was choosing which compositions should play when.

Thank you! I wanted to make the relationship's pacing seem more realistic... If I could revise the script, I would like to make it more of a slow development, but I did what I could within ~11,000 words and limited time.
Looking back on it, I do think the genres of the music were too different, but it was intentional. I wanted the band to have a range of Jazz-like music.
I'm happy you enjoy my writing style and my art! I have a few more ideas that I would love to turn into a VN.

I will have to say, I noticed all the signs for the twist, but it still surprised me! I would have liked for the main character to spend more time getting to know the wolf, but I can understand the pacing given the short amount of time to write the VN for the jam. Well done!

Thank you for reading! It warms my heart to know that the CGs were charming. My art is something I take a lot of pride in, so I work hard to make sure that it looks great. I'm also happy to know that the characters were likeable! While developing the story, I was worried that I didn't make the personalities interesting or distinct, or if the main character and the wolf's relationship felt natural. I  appreciate your input!

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Thank you for your thoughts! Once I finished writing, I had a lot of grievances to as how this turned out. There was a lack of planning beforehand, which is an error on my part. I also started writing the novel on the 18th of May, since I didn't think I'd have enough time to start at the beginning of the month. Life got busy for me. I wish that there was more I could have accomplished. 

I wish I had more time to flesh out the characters, and have it more apparent that Callum expanded his horizons. The brief time that this story had taken place was not enough to develop the characters in something that seemed meaningful, at least to me. I will have to admit, however, I was unaware of the theme at first when I started to write, so I hastily tried to weave in the idea of "expanding horizons." Which, is also an error on my part. I feel like I should have had more scenes of Callum not being interested, and pushing the main character away, so then the character development would be more impactful. As I think back on the story, I feel as though it was rushed, and that does not sit well with me. The growth does not feel gradual, nor organic.

I would like to revise the script and take more time on making the story work in a way that isn't as confusing. I will have to agree that the relationship between the main character and the wolf does seem confusing, on the basis of whether or not they'd be friends or lovers. Ultimately, I would like friendship to be the first step, since it would be more baffling to quickly enter a romantic relationship in such a small amount of time.

About the ages of the characters, I also felt like I didn't have an idea of how old they should be, and the ages were made up spontaneously. If I gave it any more thought, I should have left it at pre-college or perhaps, during. At this time of my life where I am almost in my mid-20s, I find myself in the same position, as well as some friends, so I think I wanted to make the characters feel a bit more relatable. I don't think most people would find themselves in that situation at this age, so if there are revisions in the future, I will keep that in mind.

The erzatses of the story could have been toned down a bit in retrospect. I get a bit carried away with coming up with concepts and ideas, so I did have the characters refer back to many non-existent video games in their universe. I didn't put into consideration how it could make the reader feel lost, so thank you again for your input. I felt that if the characters had a pre-existing shared interest, it would have been easier to connect. I often make friends when there's something that we have in common, but I do think that sharing interests with another is also a good way to make friends.

As for the topic of the pet cat, and "pet animals" in general, I like to think in any furry universe I've written, that real animals still exist. I think while I was writing, I had the intention that Callum took some offense to being compared to a cat simply because he doesn't like them. It may have not been communicated effectively.  The existence of real animals, referred to as quadrupeds, in this universe works a lot like how humans and apes exist. The anthropomorphic animals and quadrupeds in universe may have shared a common ancestor and evolved in different ways over many many years. At some point, humans may have existed in this universe, or still do. Right now, that's a mystery to me, but I would like to think on that concept more.

Again, thank you for putting in the time into reading my story and leaving some constructive criticism. Initially I was afraid of what others thought, but I am quite relieved to get feedback at all.  There are many things I would like to change and expand on, but I suppose what exists now isn't too bad.

I enjoyed the story. So much was communicated in a short read. Well done!