MAY WOLF 2024: (More Wolves) MY WOLF Furry Visual Novel Jam (18+)

Hosted by WagleUnagi, BrickZed · #MYWOLFJAM2024

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A jam submission

Beginning Anew with YouView game page

May Wolf 2024 Submission

Submitted by DeputyB18 — 1 day, 18 hours before the deadline

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Beginning Anew with You's itch.io page

Results

Criteria	Rank	Score*	Raw Score
Implementation of Theme	#16	3.210	3.367
Presentation	#17	3.401	3.567
Story	#22	3.146	3.300
Creativity	#37	2.543	2.667

Ranked from 30 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

Team Members
DeputyB18

Name of Wolf/Wolves
Callum

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Comments

WagleUnagiHostSubmitted57 days ago

I AM RATING THESE ALL THESE JAM SUBMISSIONS RELATIVE TO ONE ANOTHER. THERE ARE HIGH HIGHS AND LOW LOWS BUT PLEASE DON’T TAKE THIS TOO PERSONALLY, AFTERALL, WE ALL ONLY HAD A MONTH.

Implementation of Theme (2):

I gave this a two at the time for “expanding friendship” but now that I’ve had more time to think about it, I would give it a one since it was such an easy was out.

Story (2):

As someone that reads a lot of Slice-Of-Life, I wasn’t that bogged down by all of the small talk. I do think there should have been more friction between the MC and the tsundere MY WOLF to make the story feel more satisfying. When Callum talks about his video game, I think I found is more entertaining than most people because of all of the connections I was making to Fire Emblem.

Presentation (2):

After our lesson about Creative-Commons/Royalty-Free, I do think that a lot of the choices you made in terms of that were appropriate. I was surprised by the ending CG considering that the only piece on Non-Pre-Sprite art that was used for promotional purposes is the thumbnail.

Creativity (1):

There’s no much I can really say for creativity. The unique species that you chose for the MC was surprising considering even I never heard of it before. There has to be an alternative universe somewhere where my Fursona is part that instead of a Greater Grison. The second to last in this category can unfortunately be easily felt.

Total (7):

I hope that Beginning Anew With You is not the end of your career because that would be an ironic tragedy. I’ve been saving this line in my mind for months.

Submitted

LoudoSubmitted241 days ago(+1)

I came away from this with one strong impression: this felt a lot like playing Small Talk: The VN. I don't feel like this is necessarily to be attributed to the game belonging to the Slice of Life genre. Usually in SoL the game at least focuses on the lives of the characters. The uniqueness of Beginning Anew with You is that all the talk is pretty weightless: there is a lot of talk about videogames, pets, music, etc.

It is pretty well written though! I kind of like the beginning of the story, where the small talk fills the function of depicting the MC approaching the wolf and breaking the ice with him. I just wish something a bit more substantive had followed these initial interactions.

The elements are all there though: the writing and the presentation were effective, I just wasn't a big fan of the story.

Submitted

Ugolino in the Tower

DeputyB18Developer241 days ago(+1)

Thank you for reading.

I would like to go back and revise the script. Reading back on it I realize that there's not much going on in the story. Nothing of value really happens. I had plans to do more, but I didn't have enough time. I would have liked to have more scenes of the main character and the wolf not getting along. At least there would have been character development. I have to concur with everyone's feedback that there is more to be desired. I just hope I can deliver once the game jam is over.

bored_kittySubmitted247 days ago(+2)

aaaa this was so sweet and wholesome! it was an overall pleasant read, even if it's mostly small talk and nothing actually happens. still, lots of good fun bits. the whole group is just very cute. i also love seeing vns focus on friendship.

Submitted

DeputyB18Developer246 days ago(+1)

Thanks for reading! I had a fun time writing the characters. I'm happy to know that it was a pleasant read!
I'm hoping to revise the script in some important parts so that it feels like more happens in the story. I feel like friendship is not as common when it comes to visual novels, and it's something that I'd like to see more of.

KraajSubmitted249 days ago(+1)

That was good!

Although you said you hadn't written in years, the prose was solid. The custom assets and images were awesome, and I appreciate all of the spritework you did to make the characters emote. On the surface, there isn't anything bad here.

I do think it tended to drag a bit for reasons that other commenters have already covered so I won't repeat those.

I'm not a fan of slice of life, but I will say that this was a pleasant surprise. Good job!

Submitted

A Rebound From MARS!

DeputyB18Developer249 days ago(+1)

Thank you for reading with us, and thank you for your thoughts.

I'm happy to know that you enjoyed the writing! I feel like I'm a bit rusty but I'm delighted to know that it is solid. I wanted to have the characters emote as much as possible. I'm glad that Sikyu drew many emotions for me to utilize for the characters and their writing. I wanted to convey tone and emotion as much as possible.

I do agree that the story dragged on a bit, especially for the talk about the video games. If there was less of it, and more time for developing characters, I think that the story's impact would be more meaningful, especially Callum's character as well. He needed more development so his growth could feel meaningful as well.

I'm pleased to know that you liked this story. I feel like slice of life stories are sometimes hard to do, so some of them end up feeling mundane. I wanted my story to not feel boring or mundane, but I think there should be more to it. A part of me feels like it's still missing something. I think for a future product, I should try another genre instead.

KarlSmithSubmitted250 days ago(+1)

20th VN I read and rated of this jam. Soon I might be coming back with a review comment. It was conventional but goodly executed. A pleasant enough read.

Submitted

New World Symphony

DeputyB18Developer250 days ago(+1)

Thank you for reading!

KarlSmithSubmitted250 days ago(+1)

You are welcome (also, thanks for the furry coati representation. There are many of those in South America).

DanaSubmitted256 days ago(+1)

I like it when writers manage to set their ambiance well !

There's a lot of potential with your writing, the characters feel alive and the discussions are well-written. But the story would benefit by being more tight and structured. If you want your readers to be hooked, a few stakes could amplify your story and we never like characters as much as when we feel for them and see them struggle and fight.

I know it's a slice of life, but events and high and down would help your story by adding beats to it.

I liked it still, you have something with the way you're writing characters.

Submitted

DeputyB18Developer255 days ago(+1)

Thank you for your thoughts! I agree that there wasn't many stakes or a hook. It's one of the biggest problems I've had with the story looking back. I wish I had more scenes of the wolf and the main character not getting along at first. That would be the first thing I'd like to change once I get the opportunity to change the script.
I'm happy to know that you enjoyed the writing as well as the character writing. My writing has been quite since rusty, since I haven't written in years. I'll keep your review in mind for the future.

ErebusWulfeSubmitted261 days ago(+1)

Warm and cozy. The writing, the cute CGs, and the music choice create a nice atmosphere. I'm not a big fan of SoL but I enjoyed the read. The characters have distinct voices and dynamics, making the conversations flow smoothly.

I do have a few things in mind but I guess they are nothing too serious. Firstly, I relate so much with Paola. I'm glad the boys were excited about the video games talks but I just couldn't really catch the talk rofl. Perhaps that's only a me thing, idk.

But I do think that, with your descriptive writing style, some people are bound to lose attention easier. Maybe putting in little conflicts will help OR make use of the "VN aspects" more, like when you let readers choose questions and the ice skating scene. The latter part is memorable, although now that I think about it, almost everything went too smoothly. The nature walk, however, while the CG was cute and looked great, I expected the scene to last longer. Lastly, I got the faint feeling you were not sure whether you wanted it to be pure about friendship or lean toward romance a bit (?)

Despite all of these, the story felt natural, and as I mentioned in the beginning, it's warm and cozy. Evoking such an atmosphere is a job well done itself, but maintaining it throughout the story is a great feat. I think this one quality is what makes BAwY stand out from the other entries (for me personally). Not everyone can direct and execute things correctly to get a specific vibe. I'm sure given more time, you'll go way way further, so kudos to you.

Submitted

One More Light VN

DeputyB18Developer261 days ago(+1)

Thank you for the review! I'm pleased to know that you liked the atmosphere!

I will have to say I did get carried away with having the characters talk about the video games. I wanted the characters to have a common hobby, but I didn't give much thought into how it could potentially be alienating to some readers. I wish I had more time to write more scenes, especially scenes with conflict or some kind of adversity between the main character and the wolf. He does start off as prickly, but there's not enough time to see him that way, so his growth doesn't feel as genuine to me. It's one of my biggest gripes, if I am to be honest. I'd like to revise the script and make some scenes longer, like the nature walk, the game store, and the concert. Especially the nature walk. It seems rushed. I was writing that point and beyond with about 4 days left before the deadline.

Looking back on it, I agree that it seems confusing on whether or not it was friendship or romance, but I really wanted it to turn out as a friendship, since jumping into a relationship so quickly wouldn't fit for the characters. I'll also keep this in mind for the future.

purkkaSubmitted263 days ago(+1)

The writing is generally pretty pleasant to read and feels polished; character voices are adequately distinct, descriptions do their job. In terms of pacing and structure, the opening feels quite weak – no need to do the whole "I just woke up" routine if there isn't life-savingly important setup in there – but the story moves fast enough after that.

Mostly, I think it just felt kind of impactless? While I get that the premise itself doesn't come with the highest of stakes, the whole thing feels so devoid of conflict and tension. Not every scene feels like it really progresses the central relationship, and both Callum and the protagonist feel ultimately quite flat as characters.

I think this kind of lowkey slice-of-life thing lives and dies by its style and flavor, and Beginning Anew with You might not quite be there. The writing is detail-oriented, yes, but it spends a lot of time talking about fictional video games and comparatively little fleshing out the setting and the characters. There's nothing straight up unenjoyable in the game, but for being more than 10 000 words long and having plenty of space to make its point, it feels like it's missing a hook, the memorable thing that makes it interesting to read.

Submitted

My Municipality

DeputyB18Developer262 days ago(+1)

Thank you for your input! I will have to agree that there isn't a lot of impact in the story. If I had more time, I would have liked to flesh out the characters. Looking back on it, there's not enough scenes of the wolf being mean/antisocial towards the main character for his growth to feel natural or earned. That is one thing I want to change once I have the opportunity. To be honest, this too is my biggest issue with the story. I didn't have enough time to plan and my writing was quite aimless at some points.

I will admit I did get carried away having the characters talk about their interests more than themselves, and that is something else I would like to work on. Hobbies are OK, but they're not typically indicative of a person or their life. I will keep this in mind when I have a chance to revise the script.
The story has potential to me, and while it is a "finished product", I don't truly consider it finished. When I finish anything I create, I have to have a feeling of "this is a job well done," but I don't feel it with this VN. It's passable but it does not meet the standard I hold myself to.

NeveNSubmitted266 days ago(+1)

Hey there! I must say that I truly enjoyed the atmosphere of your VN, it was quite chill, very cozy. The kind of feels good we all love! Also, the dynamic between the characters was well written and each of them had a unique voice.
On the technical aspects, I liked the use you've made of the different sprites, it was particularly cute during the ice skating scene! The CGs were quite touching as well, and you used the music efficiently to convey emotion during each scene. So yeah, I had a good time with your VN!

Submitted

Blazing Passion

DeputyB18Developer266 days ago(+1)

Thank you! I'm happy to know that you liked the atmosphere of the VN. I wanted it to be a bit more realistic and grounded since it takes place in a modern setting. At least for me, everyday life has that kind of vibe when there's moments of calm and I'm among friends.

I had to wonder if the characters are distinct enough. I feel like one of my greatest challenges with dialogue is to make characters have a unique voice, so I'm glad that they did.

I will have to say, the ice skating scene was one of my favorite things to review. This is my first time programming a video game, and before this project, I have not had much programming experience. I learned a bit in high school but struggled with C++, and I tried a bit of Java and Visual Studio Code. I find that Ren'py was the easiest to learn so far and I'll be happy to return to it in the future. Getting the sprites to move around was exciting, and I'll always feel a bit proud about that.

I really wanted the CGs to fit in, even if it didn't match Sikyu's style. I tried to depict the personalities I made of the characters instead, so it seemed natural for them to be in those scenes. Especially the one with the hug at the end. Making the wolf not particularly photogenic seemed indicative of his personality.

As for the music, I wanted to get the most I could out of 13 compositions. At first I thought I picked too much, but I managed to fit all of them in the VN and have them work for the scenes, which is great! I feel like music is an important part of storytelling. Some of the most memorable moments in media and stories are accompanied by wonderful music, so I had to keep that in mind as I was choosing which compositions should play when.

JMJerbearSubmitted267 days ago(+1)

I was so glad to see the more realistic pace of the relationship in your story. Because of the short nature of these novels, many seem to have gone from zero to a hundred in the course of a few minutes!

I loved all the modded sprites, and the artwork you made with the characters on the title screen and again at the end of the vn. Matching someone else's style almost seamlessly is not an easy thing to do!

The one aspect that felt a bit out of place to me was the drastic style shift of the music playing during the concert; the first and second songs were from rather different genres, though it may have been the intention, and referencing something I'm personally not familiar with. It was just a minor point, though, and only mentioned because there's not much I can be critical of in the story.

I liked your writing style, and can't wait to see what else you come up with!

Submitted

DeputyB18Developer267 days ago(+1)

Thank you! I wanted to make the relationship's pacing seem more realistic... If I could revise the script, I would like to make it more of a slow development, but I did what I could within ~11,000 words and limited time.
Looking back on it, I do think the genres of the music were too different, but it was intentional. I wanted the band to have a range of Jazz-like music.
I'm happy you enjoy my writing style and my art! I have a few more ideas that I would love to turn into a VN.

NoteYoteSubmitted268 days ago(+1)

This is a cute slice-of-life story. Likeable characters and some charming CGs. There's enough chemistry between the viewpoint and Callum for their growing friendship to feel natural.

Submitted

DeputyB18Developer267 days ago

Thank you for reading! It warms my heart to know that the CGs were charming. My art is something I take a lot of pride in, so I work hard to make sure that it looks great. I'm also happy to know that the characters were likeable! While developing the story, I was worried that I didn't make the personalities interesting or distinct, or if the main character and the wolf's relationship felt natural. I appreciate your input!

ragmaanSubmitted269 days ago(+1)

Spoilers follow:

Theme: You name drop it in that it's an expanding of the horizons, albeit I can't help but think narratively you undercut that in part given how much of the discourse between the two new friends is built upon a pre-existing shared interest (as opposed to a new one for both of them, if that makes sense).

Story: Cute tale of new friendship, although I had no idea what age they were for the longest time. I felt like I was getting mixed messages, but that may just be me. Living at home with parents but having their own car but working the 9-5 but not having much money but being able to reliably buy games on the reg and own a video game console-- I felt like they were pre-college until it was confirmed this was only weekend activity barring the departure day.

As much as I do love a good Ersatz, there were so many, and I wasn't sure what they were pointing back to, so that lost me in the mirrored specificity. If it was all meant to be within-universe, then it's nice that they all know what these specific elements are, but our knowledge isn't the same, so that makes the scenes bogged down in second-hand tellings of "so and so" is cool. The ersatz points back to the original with a nod and a wink, as a sort of foundation. W/o that foundation, I was a bit adrift.

I didn't like how they initially forced the two into a 1-on-1 convo. I think it would have been fine if they periodically chimed in. These were two strangers. Help make it easier for your friends to become friends.

I was also a bit thrown off by calling things dates, but then it felt like a burgeoning crush, and having the sort of rom-com ice skating moment. It felt kinda like the narrative wasn't certain whether it was supposed to just be friendship or the start of a romance.

---

Story Aside: What does it mean, that there are pet cats in this universe, and that the wolf took umbrage at being called at a cat when he was a "dog"? What does it mean for the two to be on a similar scale species-wise, albeit one isn't sapient like the other?

---

Presentation: I appreciate the CGs you made, the music choices felt apt for the mood, and I liked how you worked that hug into existence. It didn't feel like they were just mashed together (to me) based on the posing and spacing you chose.

Creativity: It's nice to get a non-romantic oriented relationship piece in this space. That usually doesn't tend to be the case.

Overall Thoughts: A sweet tale that got a bit lot in the sauce when it came to how the characters bonded in a way that was recognizable from the outside, but didn't speak to the same depth of specifics to cling onto and make the connections that were? weren't? there.

Well done, nonetheless!

Submitted

DeputyB18Developer269 days ago (1 edit) (+1)

Thank you for your thoughts! Once I finished writing, I had a lot of grievances to as how this turned out. There was a lack of planning beforehand, which is an error on my part. I also started writing the novel on the 18th of May, since I didn't think I'd have enough time to start at the beginning of the month. Life got busy for me. I wish that there was more I could have accomplished.

I wish I had more time to flesh out the characters, and have it more apparent that Callum expanded his horizons. The brief time that this story had taken place was not enough to develop the characters in something that seemed meaningful, at least to me. I will have to admit, however, I was unaware of the theme at first when I started to write, so I hastily tried to weave in the idea of "expanding horizons." Which, is also an error on my part. I feel like I should have had more scenes of Callum not being interested, and pushing the main character away, so then the character development would be more impactful. As I think back on the story, I feel as though it was rushed, and that does not sit well with me. The growth does not feel gradual, nor organic.

I would like to revise the script and take more time on making the story work in a way that isn't as confusing. I will have to agree that the relationship between the main character and the wolf does seem confusing, on the basis of whether or not they'd be friends or lovers. Ultimately, I would like friendship to be the first step, since it would be more baffling to quickly enter a romantic relationship in such a small amount of time.

About the ages of the characters, I also felt like I didn't have an idea of how old they should be, and the ages were made up spontaneously. If I gave it any more thought, I should have left it at pre-college or perhaps, during. At this time of my life where I am almost in my mid-20s, I find myself in the same position, as well as some friends, so I think I wanted to make the characters feel a bit more relatable. I don't think most people would find themselves in that situation at this age, so if there are revisions in the future, I will keep that in mind.

The erzatses of the story could have been toned down a bit in retrospect. I get a bit carried away with coming up with concepts and ideas, so I did have the characters refer back to many non-existent video games in their universe. I didn't put into consideration how it could make the reader feel lost, so thank you again for your input. I felt that if the characters had a pre-existing shared interest, it would have been easier to connect. I often make friends when there's something that we have in common, but I do think that sharing interests with another is also a good way to make friends.

As for the topic of the pet cat, and "pet animals" in general, I like to think in any furry universe I've written, that real animals still exist. I think while I was writing, I had the intention that Callum took some offense to being compared to a cat simply because he doesn't like them. It may have not been communicated effectively. The existence of real animals, referred to as quadrupeds, in this universe works a lot like how humans and apes exist. The anthropomorphic animals and quadrupeds in universe may have shared a common ancestor and evolved in different ways over many many years. At some point, humans may have existed in this universe, or still do. Right now, that's a mystery to me, but I would like to think on that concept more.

Again, thank you for putting in the time into reading my story and leaving some constructive criticism. Initially I was afraid of what others thought, but I am quite relieved to get feedback at all. There are many things I would like to change and expand on, but I suppose what exists now isn't too bad.