Even if you are not the main writer anymore, you could still proofread from time to time to ensure that the story, characters and flow follow what you originally intended them to be. I think this is a more efficient way of doing it if you aren't confident with your own writing skills yet plus the fact that you had to spend a considerable amount of time on the art.
I love this VN and I hope you get to successfully complete it just like how you envisioned it.
May I know what is Digrun's favorite gifts? I believe I've given every gift possible yet I've only discovered "Blue Foam Soda" and "Cold Fruit". He is the only one who's profile I haven't completed.
When giving Hero-tic Wolf "Ceviche", there's a line where it became Lord Knight's instead. A similar thing happens during Leonardo's NSFW event, when choosing the "numbing agent" option, there's a line that became Matt's, I put them both in a double room so maybe it could be related.
There's an issue with the favorite gifts in the profiles that where each time you discover a new favorite gift of a character the previous one will be removed so in the end even if you discover all three favorite gifts only one will be displayed.
Also both the "personaje" and the window that appears to confirm gifting a gift are both in spanish in the english version.
And that's it, nice build.
Edit: Oh there's something else too, at the weekly income window, aside from it also being in spanish in the english version, you could only view the income of a limited number of rooms, you couldn't scroll down any further even if there's more written below.
I think it would be nice if we could back out from alerts so we could choose to use the "event ticket" to get rid of the more condemning ones.
Please don't tell me that I have to wait another 8 months for the next chapter. I. NEED. MOOOOOOORE.
Fantastic chapter btw. The only thing I find weird is when Brumm uses "BRUMM1_head_brows5.webp" together with "BRUMM1_head_eyes2.webp", it makes the pupils look disoriented. I noticed this when he uses this combination right after Gjertrud walks off. Aside from that and a few writing errors, the rest is amazing and I really look forward to what happens next.
Great game, but the main point of this comment is to point out that there are a few errors in the Chinese translation. I didn't play much yet so these errors are all found in the "family" route up until where you unlock Hercules' side story.
When Harold first called, starting from the line "Nevermind. I'm at my boy...err, my roommate's house. His dad is local and offered to put you up.", the dialogue seldom switches between Chinese and English. Here are all the lines that I've discovered so far:
"I'm your only son... Anyways I'll see you later dad, love you."
"I'll be fine... My dad is on his way. And Sigmund has offered to let him stay here."
"W-we might be... one day."
"Fine..."
"Ah... I see your point."
"Hey! They're not that nasty..."
"Oh...yeah I don't ever have to deal with that."
"Oh, I never married..."
"Um..hear about...dinner" (I find it funny that the dots here are at different elevation, I think it's because you missed one dot right after "um")
"Oh, er...dinner. Yes, it is...a, umm, it will be...delicious?"
"Okay, just umm...Don't mention anything about us just yet. I want to tell my dad when the time is right."
"Back in the kitchen..." (Narration)
"I think it's going to be just enough...he's a big eater."
"Well...umm, I wanted to go fool around back at the dorm."
"Oh...Okay, but I do have to get some research done first."
"And you're not..." (after reading the history of the island)
"-huff- So hard..."
"But I'm not a deer..."
"I'll say.... are you..are you still cumming?" (one has one dot too many and the other one dot less)
"Earlier...back at the Deckard's residence." (Narration)
"Otherwise, I wouldn't know how to get there..."
"Well that just sounds so much better than just plain vanilla..."
"Sigmund leans over the sleeping stag. (blah blah blah)" (Narration)
"As you wish..."
"A few more agonizing minutes pass..." (Narration)
"The next day..." (Narration)
"I don't know...I'm going to call the company he was supposed to be meeting with."
"One moment...Ah yes. Harold canceled. He mentioned he landed a larger contract."
And that's all for now. I might continue to list more, if you don't mind.
Again, nice vn, keep up the good work!
So I finally have time to read this VN again after 1.0 and I gotta say, I really like the changes done to the beginning. Less is more, the reduced inner dialogue and descriptions made the story felt less draggy, especially for an interaction-heavy VN. Imo, details should only be described when necessary, most of the environmental stuff should already be visible on screen so it would be redundant to visualize them through text. Focusing more on the story flow is one of the reasons why I love VNs like Lagoon Lounge, Knight's College, Chardonnay Romancia, etc.
Here's a few things that I noticed after finishing the current newest build(5.0):
1. When getting interrogated by the polar bear right after the cat fight, I feel like there's too much sentences used just to get the "I struggle to come up with words" message across. The same goes for the small interaction before reaching the bar after leaving the lounge, the back and forth between the MC and Rou along with MC's inner dialogues felt a little excessive here when the whole conversation doesn't contribute much to the story.
I feel like this is due to being immediately after 1.0 where the writing style remains unchanged. After that though, the story starts to flow much smoother and became more engaging.
2. This is a very small detail, after the MC woke up in Rou's room there is a CG, and during this CG Rou revealed that he used to be a bodyguard. In this instance it should be the second time that Rou said that he's a bodyguard (the first is during Rou comforting the MC) yet the MC reacted ("huh, really?") like he just heard it for the first time. Nothing big, just felt a little weird upon reading it.
3. Another small detail. During the power plant investigation, Javier told the MC that he directs the security cameras to another channel when doing so at the very first camera. Yet a few instances later the MC assumes Javier is turning them offline and asks about it, making Javier explain again. Again not significant, just a little weird.
Overall a very good and interesting read, the climax(this could mean in both ways~) moments are executed expertly and not applied too frequently(I do not like being constantly kept on my toes). While there are a few segments that could use more refinement, I really like the balance between interaction and inner dialogue used in the newer changes. Keep up the fantastic work, I'll be looking forward for more.
Some extra comments:
Rou's facing forward face still gives me uncanny valley vibes, but at the same time it's also funni, so... eh.
The Halloween extra is nicely written, too bad I do not like horror, especially jump scares.
This looks really good, I am impressed by the title screen and the save/load structure.
The only thing I find weird is Rou's looking forward sprite, the head feels detached. I can see that the neck adjusted accordingly, but I think the head is a little too low, like if I were to mimic it in real life I would have to crank my neck real forwards. And maybe the head could be a little more to the left(player perspective)? Like how if you look to the right your head would usually lean a little towards that direction. Or maybe all this is intentional because he is looking straight at the MC?
Anyways, can't wait for more. Keep up the great work!
