itch.io

I had a hard time getting through this one. I think breaking up the paragraphs a little would have worked out a lot better. I like the story, but it was very hard to read.

I loved the ending. The writing could have flowed better, but the concept was great. The dialogue was pretty nice too.

I like the story overall, but I don't know if actually spelling out all of the mech folks names was worth it. It kinda distracted me from the rest of the story and was a little hard to read quickly. I like the idea of those being their actual names, and I can tell it took some work, but it didn't work for me.

As a long-time guard player, this made me laugh.

I really like the haiku at the end. Really good stuff especially the whole samurai aesthetic.

I agree. Honestly, I think the problem I had writing the story is that it isn't really complete. I was trying to convey the conflict he was feeling inside himself. His last comment about his missing hand was supposed to establish that he was ultimately selfish, even if a small part of him felt remorse about the deaths of the men he took for granted during the Gyris campaign. It could have been done better.

Great details. The only thing I'd say is to break up the long paragraphs a little.

Fantastic job. Characterization for battle brother Isaiah was superb. Really felt like I got to know the guy.

Thanks. Yeah, I spent a few nights between work till past midnight working on it, lol. I'm not surprised I missed some things. Getting everything in under the 1000 word limit was really tough too.

Really outstanding job in Nepenthe's characterization. I'd love to see more of her in a proper long form work.