Play book
The Last Stand's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Concept & Originality | #10 | 3.931 | 3.931 |
| Flow & Clarity | #16 | 3.690 | 3.690 |
| Overall | #16 | 3.667 | 3.667 |
| Adherence to the Theme | #23 | 3.379 | 3.379 |
Ranked from 29 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
Very good!
One thing though, and this didn't affect my rating, but the horse/hoarse typo in the climactic passage was rather unfortunate.
Oh no! I hate that you told me this but thank you for telling me this haha. I appreciate your comment.
I only recently found OPR, and I've been focused on AoF, so excuse my ignorance; are Saurians in space a faction in GF?
Okay, that aside, I found Brek'thar an interesting character, and the story was pretty engaging. My one major issue was Brek'thar/Brek. There didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason for choosing to use his formal name versus his shortened name. It's important to stick to one for flow and consistency, so you can emphasize when you swap between them.
Take Sam from LotR as an example. Samwise Gamgee. You know this is his full name from very early on, but probably 90% of the time, they call him Sam. Mostly on account of it being shorter, I'd imagine, as well as being the name he preferred. Tolkien only referred to him as Samwise when he was in trouble, when he was being shown reverence, such as by Faramir, who only ever calls him Samwise, and I believe in reference to his loyalty. Been a bit since I've read LotR, but I hope that explains what I mean.
Oh! And just one thought about the ending. Take it or leave it. I think you'd have a more decisive end without the "It was over" sentence. Try removing it and reading it without and see what you think!
Hey Druski! I think you might have downloaded my first draft of the story and saved it to read later? I updated quite a bit of the story since then, including removing the "it was over" portion and the shortening of Brek'thar! Redownload it and let me know what you think!
Ah, that makes sense! I downloaded everything that was available when I submitted mine but there doesn't seem to be a way to note if there were updates from when it was downloaded. I'll give the more recent draft another read!
No worries man! I did that too and now I am rethinking how I've been rating them! I appreciate you giving it another shot.
Regarding the faction. Saurian Starhosts are going to be released either later this year or early next year. I just was so captivated by the idea that I had to put them in my story.
really enjoyed this one, space Saurians forever!
I had a hard time getting through this one. I think breaking up the paragraphs a little would have worked out a lot better. I like the story, but it was very hard to read.
I appreciate the honest feedback! Thank you for reading and commenting, I'll work on that area of my writing!
Ok, I really liked this one.
Space Saurians Vs Robot Legions is such a cool image with the proud savagery of one against the silent death of the other. The action was well written and made for a good focus for the main character to reflect upon his own failures in his final moments. Well done and very compelling!
I thought the premise of taking a fantasy race into the Grimdark Future galaxy was interesting, as was the idea of reflecting on past mistakes. I would have liked to get more of an impression of what, if anything, Brek'thar had learned from his experiences.
Loved the Log > End intro,
I dig the idea of the space Lizards. I felt like we got a glimpse of a non-human, yet very relatable culture. Well done!
The descriptions are superb, striking a good balance between brevity and clarity. That's not easy, but you make it look easy!
If I had anything to nitpick, it'd be the five paragraphs in the middle where the "reflecting" happens. I know why it's there, but I wonder if there might be a way to keep the pace up while still sharing Brek'thar's thoughts on how he wound up where he was...?
The prose is excellent, though, flowing very naturally. Well done! I can tell you've done this before. :)
This was a great little story. I felt the reflecting back pretty well. The universe felt full despite being one page. :0)