One little nitpick I have with the writing is that when Asterion, P or Storm (IIRC) are anxious they're often feeling "Hummingbirds" pecking on their neck or spine.

I started to notice this metaphor crop up again and again until it became almost a personal meme, which made me feel that some of the instances could be replaced with something else.

If there is any thematic significance to the hummingbirds I didn't notice it, it's not something someone would say where I am from (butterflies in the stomach?) but that may be because there are no native species of hummingbirds here :)

Because there are anthro characters in this world any animal metaphor does also run the risk of being taken literally, could there be a sinister hummingbird mythical plotting their demise?

In all seriousness it's a cute metaphor but I would personally reduce how often it crops up, or make it so only one character experiences anxiety in this way, unless the purpose was to show their parallel journeys?

Finally got to play some more and noticed a couple of things:

1. Two passages of extended metaphor around the three-act structure, which was mildly distracting the second time but not majorly.
2. I feel really shy saying anything critical of MH because the writing and attention-to-detail are already, like, 3σ above the mean for VNs in general.

So I'm on my second playthrough now (still amazing yay!) and I noticed that the first time Asterion uses the metaphor he explains it a bit, which sort of makes it make more sense in its repetition, but I will see if I keep noticing it coming up in shorter sessions rather than over a weekend.