Endearing attempt.

For the noticeable grammar flaws and weird sprite movements at times (and at one line of dialogue, missing sprite), the characterization felt adroit for what moments we got of it. There was some lurid purple prose at the start, but restraint is another skill that's learned through practice.  There was an authentic nature to the thoughts, the feelings, comparable in narrative to what one might think of for the opening in Night in the Woods. It was starting to get endearing, pulling at authentic sensations of the return home. It's that stupid philosophy cliche-- can you cross the same river twice?  No. The narrator wasn't the same man this time around, and nor were the others, even if they had changed less than him.

Good first attempt! 

I AM RATING THESE ALL THESE JAM SUBMISSIONS RELATIVE TO ONE ANOTHER. THERE ARE HIGH HIGHS AND LOW LOWS BUT PLEASE DON’T TAKE THIS TOO PERSONALLY, AFTERALL, WE ALL ONLY HAD A MONTH.

Story (1):

My recollection of this VN is: us coming back to our hometown, catching up with an old friend, seeing dragon slit and then having a deep conversation with the wolf.

Presentation (1):

Nothing interesting was done with the presentation. I remember a few times characters would instantly appear and disappear.

Creativity (1):

I had to somewhat evenly distribute all of the 1’s, 2’s, 3’s, 4’s and 5’s. The fact that nothing really sticks out as creative to me when I was distributing those means it unfortunately gets a 1.

Total (3):

I can’t really remember much from playing this. Perhaps if I had played it earlier into my marathon instead of in the middle, I would be more generous. Or perhaps if there was some hype to this prior to release.

I’ll look forward to how you can grow as a creator.

First and foremost, congrats on making your first VN! I have massive respect for anyone who takes the time to learn some new skills and puts their art out there.

I think I'll structure my feedback in two parts. I'll talk about the things I think you're doing well, and things that can be worked on.

Things you all did well:

• I liked the character writing. Every character felt like a well rounded individual.
• The premise is simple, but nice! Coming home stories can be difficult to navigate, but I think you handled it well.
• A lot of the basic principles of VN composition were executed well (sprite placement, slide structure, etc. etc.)

Things that need improvement:

• You all know this, but there was a level of polish that was not there. Spelling, grammar, some BG transitions that didn't go thru, etc. Just make sure to comb over those details next time. Maybe recruit some friends to play test!
• Sentence structure needs a lot of work. There were many awkwardly phrased sentences that just didn't flow well. Luckily, when it comes to writing, practice makes perfect! 

This a great first effort. I'm excited to see what you all will do next!

A solid execution of its pretty basic premise, with enough nice details and bits of the character work to make the setting feel lived in. But I feel like this really could have used some more time in the editing oven – the constant capitalization and punctuation errors and the frequent stray spaces, for instance, are actively distracting. There is also kind of nothing in terms of presentation.