Play book
Echoes of Liberation: Bjorn's story's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Concepts & Originality | #26 | 3.815 | 3.815 |
| Flow & Clarity | #32 | 3.444 | 3.444 |
| Overall | #33 | 3.457 | 3.457 |
| Adherence to Theme | #44 | 3.111 | 3.111 |
Ranked from 27 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
I liked your story a lot, and it is very difficult to write a first-person story, especially under 1000 words. I also like what the story adds to the Grimdark universe.
Thank you so much 😁 I'll be releasing the Army book for these guys soon!
love this so much !!
thank you so much
You clearly know how to write, but I'm not sure I loved the format of essentially having our narrator/protagonist just read us his (and his robot pals') personal history. Maybe if there was more of a twist at the end it would have paid off, but the lack of any action in the present made it lack some impact for me.
I admit this is difficult with the word constraints we have, but more showing and less telling is always the way to go if you can manage it.
Still a solid read though. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm being too negative because I still enjoyed it!
Not negative at all, I understand exactly what you're saying, the word constraint really limited on what I could show vs tell and that's often just because writing a description of the picture and emotions it caused is way more words than saying "The picture made me feel sad" type of deal.
I think, there was a way I could have blended the two better but then it came down to a timing constraint, which I'm hoping to be able to work on next time.
I'm really glad you enjoyed my story!
You clearly know how to write, but I'm not sure I loved the format of essentially having our narrator/protagonist just read us his (and his robot pals') personal history. Maybe if there was more of a twist at the end it would have paid off, but the lack of any action in the present made it lack some impact for me.
I admit this is difficult with the word constraints we have, but more showing and less telling is always the way to go if you can manage it.
Still a solid read though. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm being too negative because I still enjoyed it!
Really glad to see this formatted more clearly. It reads much more coherently. Nice work.
Thank you so much means a lot!