Hi axoona!

I really appreciate how real and raw this piece is. I feel like you've just let us into your world, as it is, a true and direct account of the self-talk you were going through (that I'm sure we've all been through as well). For that reason, this piece was super relatable (I found myself thinking YUP a lot of the time).

So far as form goes, I loved how you played with lineation, and all the different permutations/extensions of a single line. It reflects the iterative nature of self-talk perfectly.  If we view this as a Twine game, it's not very experimental, but if we view this as a rehashing of a traditional poem, this poem is extremely experimental! 

The way you paced the end too really blew my mind. I feel like you took us on a journey of struggle, self doubt, and eventual reconciliation. The ending totally floored me. Left me with a sense of quietude (doinglessness!) that was really precious and peaceful. Definitely a poem. Thanks so much for sharing.

To respond to your comments, first off I'm stoked you have a community that really fuels you! Pang sounds awesome. Good point about shorter jams, and if/when we do this again maybe it would be best to have a few 3-day jams rather than a continuous multi-month one.  Thanks for the idea! Live jams are great, and I wish jams like those happened more, but I do really like the fact that people all over the world have access to it. Maybe if shuf grows as an organization we can organize things like this! That'd be rad.

Here's a lil vid I made of my playing through it! So you can get live feedback (sorry I read in my head some times and it's just like silent lol)

I appreciated the self-compassion towards mental health and writing!

I enjoyed the way almost each click qualified the tone of the initial verse your reader saw -- the I met with a few friends. It did us a lot of good. made me smile, and the doublethink regarding your house cleaning/sleeping was also really cute. There were times during this jam when I also felt like I wouldn't/couldn't end up submitting something, and the way this poem unfolds reminds me that -- yeah, it's the doing of something (even if it's not what you intended or have set as your goal) that matters. I'm glad you ended up submitting this!

Experimentation - I gave this a 2 because I selfishly (especially in light of the poem's topic) wanted more! Haha. I'm no stranger to poems where clicking on the words changes their meaning, but I love how that qualified your feelings and showed us your thought process here. I wonder if (in new versions of the piece, should you make any) you could take this even farther -- ex., randomizing what each click leads to, so that your audience gets a new spread of thoughts and emotions on each read, as well as a sense of how arbitrary our day-to-day feelings can be.

Interactivity - The poem unfolds through the reader's clicks, but it unfolds the same way each time. I think it would pack more of a punch if it were a little different with each read. For that reason, I gave this category a 3.

Polish - I feel like you've nailed the content but (reiterating the gist of what I've written above) that the form could get into its nooks and crannies a little more, so I also gave this a 3. (I think you might also have a typo in one line -- "I once angain.")

Poetry - Definitely a poem, so 5!