itch.io

Then I'll go with how I interpreted it (what I called putting the peg in) and you tell me if I understood your writing intent. To be quite honest with you, I only don't like poignant nothingness, that's when it sounded to me you chose better words rather than adequate words. Either way, I understand the velvet to be the feeling of having a soul, and the poignant nothingness as the husk of the doll before the soul enters. The awareness of the melancholy of being inactive, being replaced, filled in, by the soul becoming active. The sound of the touch in the soft song also doesn't sit very well, despite understanding it, though a song of being alive to me is too organic a feeling to apply to a machine.  Without changing your script, I'd consider melody rather than song, as that evokes the mechanical, the instrument, and hollow rather than nothingness. But I don't know what could go well with hollow instead of poignant. 

I'd convey this emotion more like the birth of a baby, being enveloped by a blanket, so I think "the melody envelops the poignant hollow, the sweet touch of pneuma flowing, spreading, feeling, thinking, being" or something like this, to evoke the transmutation from "object" to "person" as the soul returns to it. Another approach I think would be fine would be detailing sensations, to represent the feelings returning to the automata. Instead of listing "touch" through velvet and "sound" through "song" and "whisper," you could start the description as cold and unfeeling, and as the pneuma spreads you start choosing words that evoke the touch/warmth, the sound, the light and such things.

I'll be looking forward to the day it comes out with the full dialogue set to analyze further the writing, then. 

Between Lustruous and Borges I can see you're well fed in your readings, so I'm sure this was just a case of our qualias mismatching, rather than having nothing in common in our writing.