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Heya! I got this game as one of my Secret Santa reviews. I like to take notes and write down my thoughts as I play through so as to provide "real time" feedback. Here it goes:


Digging the main menu music, a nice little piano piece.

The tutorial type screen is interesting, get an interesting vibe from it.

Alright, game is starting…

Interesting visuals! I like the look of the character. The interior map is pretty small but it works.

I like the subtle way of directing the player towards what they need to do: “where’s my pickaxe?” – I know I need to find my pickaxe, which shouldn’t be too hard in this small area. This lets me get oriented in the game easily.

And that’s as helpful as any of it is lol – after getting the watch, there is no further direction. I guess I will just head out the door!

I like the sprites and the artwork in the city map. I like the flowing electricity through the powerlines as well, nice touch. Same with the steam and the water drops.

Goddamn Tax Inspectors… is there any world where they are not reviled?

I would say this scene with the tax collector is a bit on the nose. I mean, it screams “look, this is a real bad guy here!” but people only talk that way in bad movies.

Took me a moment to realize that I now had control of my character. Some sort of prompt for the player here would be good to let them know that they are in control, and that their character isn’t in the center of the screen. I literally thought this was a cut-scene because the dude with the pickaxe wandering around the center of the screen looks a lot like the main character.

Hah, I can break into my neighbor’s room and steal their stuff. That’s always fun.

The Newspaper is also very on the nose, screaming ‘our ruler is a bag of asses.’

I stole money right in front of that woman in room 436. She didn’t even say anything. Times must be bad.

Poor lady in room 331. She says she has no money to fix up the place. I just took her last 5 Kel. Who is the real villain here? The obviously evil ruler and his heinous tax collectors? Or me, so eager and willing to take money from these poor people? There should maybe be an option to give the money back.

Speaking to the resident who is asking me to tell her she’s not a bad person… Again, very on the nose. I get it, that she’s shook, but this seems like par for the course for the mining ghetto. I feel like taking a cue from Schindler’s List, The Pianist, or something involving the Nazis and the Warsaw ghetto could really help make the dialogue and the characters feel more believable in this situation. Anything from real life where an occupying force forces the residents to live in a state of oppressed poverty.

After talking to most of the residents, I will double-down on what I just said. The dialogue feels very obvious and isn’t really how people in such dire and traumatic circumstances talk, especially when the situation has been ongoing for some time, which seems to be the case here. It doesn’t really reflect parallels in reality, and it just feels like it is trying WAY too hard to convey “hey, this isn’t such a great place.” Subtlety and nuance will always take you further than exposition.

I found a Tattered Ring in room 332… Can a metal ring “tatter”? The description says it is rusted… Maybe call it a Rusty Ring?

When I think about it, after the guy gave me the key to his room… why would the powers-that-be, who obviously treat these people “like objects” and feel they are so far beneath them allow any of them to have locking doors? Stripping away their privacy and ability to keep others out (including potentially the authorities) would further dehumanize them AND make the tax collector’s work easier.

Talked to the guy who says “Makes you wonder if killing is alright” – Really? I mean, I was getting used to the on the nose, overly obvious dialogue before, but this just comes right out and asks the question in a very uninteresting way. I will reiterate: subtly and nuance. You should be focusing on having the player come up with the question as to whether or not there is a moral basis for the killing instead of spoon-feeding it to them. I am not sure you intended it, but earlier when I was taking money that I found randomly (as one is wont to do in these games) I stopped and asked myself if this was a good thing to do, morally/ethically. The game didn’t have someone say “is stealing wrong?!” – no, instead it put me in a situation where I found myself questioning my own actions without anyone needing to say anything about it. THAT is subtlety, and it is a wonderful thing. The game This War of Mine does this well.

Ok, all clocked in and ready to mine that sweet, sweet ore for Dear Leader!

I really like the artwork in the mines! The background sounds are well-done also, the pickaxes and breaking rocks and all that. Very nice.

Talking to Valentina… A firebrand that one, likely to cause trouble and rock the boat. Wouldn’t be surprised if she is under surveillance by the state.

Also, why don’t more people commit suicide in order to ‘escape’ from these conditions?

This dialogue is just so…  obvious to the point of sapping enjoyment out of its consumption.  All of these people are so afraid of talking 'this way' because it will get them killed, yet that doesn't stop any of them from talking often and loudly about it right in front of the guard.

Also, I entered the map with Valentina from the left-side of the screen. Why does my guy appear on the left-side of the following map?

Ok so I got all of the ore, all 19 of them. The game won’t let me leave the mine. It keeps saying I need to collect 10 ore before I can leave. But I have more than that… Wut?

Ah, ok, stumbled upon where I needed to go. I didn’t even see that door near the guard. Maybe make it a bit more obvious that this is a place you need to go? Maybe a sign or something indicating this is a place you can enter?

Outside of the mine now… now the guards confront the poor miner guy they just grifted.

The music in this scene might be a bit much. But then again, so is the dialogue. Sometimes the absence of something is more powerful. In this case, music and a portion of the dialogue.

This all brings up another question – why have currency and money at all in this work ghetto? The authorities obviously have the physical power to force the population to do what they want, so why not just provide the people with the bare necessities to sustain a meager life so they can keep on working and leave it at that? Again, this is a parallel to how Nazi-occupied ghettos were run. You worked all day, you got a tiny amount of food. That was the way it worked. Any currency or luxury type items were forcibly taken from the population (it was the very first thing that happened). You could easily remove currency from this population and just replace it with some cheap and basic food item, like potatoes or something.

This dialogue just goes on and on and it all says the same thing: ‘the guard is a bad guy’.

Ok, combat time! Interesting way to go about it. I’d remove the miner’s dialogue during combat, it is not necessary and only detracts from the situation. It is pretty obvious that it’s “not personal”, no need for him to spell it out. Also, maybe give an option to the player to not take action and let the miner win? Could result in a game over or whatever, but would be an interesting choice to present to the player instead of just forcing them to take action.

The transition from the fight to the post-fight scene is rather abrupt and jarring. A slower fade out/in would have smoothed that transition nicely.

Time to pay my debt… the character gives a different number than he had been giving. He says 385 now instead of 434 or whatever it was.

Walked into the building where you clock in for work. Why did the guard give me armor? I would think any form of weapon/armor would be forbidden for the population to have under such an occupation.

The homeless guy robbed me of 10 kel, but it doesn’t really give me any option to resist against that. The only option comes before that, whether or not I should beat up the homeless person BEFORE I even know he is a dickbag.

Vendor on the street peddling potions and alcohol. Again, I would think that the occupying forces would not allow for this because 1.) it allows the population to have its own commerce and money, and 2.) intoxicated workers are poor workers. Being systematically abusive and sometimes killing workers serves a purpose to keep everyone else in line, but letting them get drunk is just disorderly. Not to mention that any occupying force will want the population to be reliant on only the occupiers for all sources of comfort, food, etc, to create a system of dependency.

Ok, that is the end of Day 1. Let’s see what fresh hell Day 2 brings.

So the whole tax inspector rapist murderer thing is even MORE obvious and in-your-face. It’s not as interesting when this is spoon fed. The scene would have 10x the impact if you cut waaaaay back on the forced dialogue.

I can’t take the dialogue with Valentina. I am going to call it quits here, put in quite a bit of time into the game at this point, not sure how long it is.


Final Thoughts:

So my first impression is made by the art and music, both of which are great! I really enjoyed the custom graphics, the characters, all of it. Visually, everything pulls together consistently and paints a picture of a bleak dystopia. The music helps underscore this. It works very well. There are a lot of interesting animations on each map that help each area feel alive. I am particularly fond of the flowing electricity.

The story, in broad strokes, seems like a decent one. I am not entirely sure where it's all going, but the world feels consistent. It feels like a world. The atmosphere is fantastic, and there are some things I was left wondering about, such as what is the thing that was eating the bodies at the bottom of one of the holes? I also found myself wondering about things like the Inner City and the ruler, and pondering the background of what is going on in general - who are these people, why did they choose this place, these people, to lord their regime over? I am not saying you need to spell any of this out, these were just fun questions that made my brain move, and that is a good thing.

What I did not particularly enjoy was much of the dialogue. Honestly, that is really the only part of the game I have a gripe with. There are a lot of NPC characters to speak to, but they all have the same exact 'voice' - woe is me, when will this end? What did we do to deserve this? Why is this happening to us? over and over, ad nauseum. The guards and tax guy are not any better, just with a different gear shift - hahaha we are your rulers, you do what we say or we kill you. It's not very stimulating to read, nor is it particularly believable. Actions always speak louder than words, and I feel a number of scenes would have had way more impact if you cut out the dialogue and just let the actions unfold for the player to witness. Let the player come up with their own conclusions about the morality and ethics of the situation, don't spoon feed it to them.

Overall though, the world in which this story takes place feels like a well thought-out one. It's bleak, it's oppressive, it's violent. But, sometimes, that is what life is.


Overall, I say good job! I really feel with a bit of spit shine and polish to the dialogue, this game could be superb.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for the review! This helps me a lot with my writing. When I made this game, I wrote everything pretty quickly so I didn't care too much what the npc was thinking as I just wanted to say something along the lines with the main story since I played too many retro rpgs, I just skip npc dialogue. As for the story dialogue, I think I over did it with telling lol. It's been a bit of my weak point but I'm working on it. I'm going to cut the dialogue by 60% and take your advice on that - to the point and let people think and make their own choices. And I'll think of something subtle for the npc without telling. I think I read it somewhere on the internet where npcs have "dog barks" everyone tells the same thing but you have to tell it a 1,000 different times in an interesting way.

I literally am spoon feeding people what to think hahaha but you also gave me a very interesting idea of morality in this game. I think I'm going implement it with the npcs. Let the players choose what they believe is right with the option of doing those choices.

You know what's funny? I actually watch the pianist and I loved that movie. I've seen some nazi war movies too and they are always interesting to me. You think you could tell me an example how you would change the dialogue for the npc girl that was shook? That might help me a lot since I'm still learning show and not tell. You were saying you wanted to take a page from the movies you listed.

You're right about the currency. It could be easily replaced by food and other things. I think I might take your advice on that. You gave me another game idea to alter to make survival a bit more realistic.

Wow, I'm actually glad you like the art. I'm no artist but thank you so much! I tried my best haha.

There's only 3 days to this game. If you can manage fighting off the forced dialogue, there are very two major twists and turns in this game and the beginning is just a slow premise which I will need to shorten a lot.

Definitely put the situation in the player's hands and let them come up with whether or not they wish to take a course of action based on their morality. The whole taking money from random dressers and such thing comes to mind - I felt bad about it afterwards, but it wasn't really a "part" of the game so to speak. There were no obviously bad consequences to taking the money (the money was probably put there to assist the player anyway), so the only bad consequence in the end was my own conscience which is more than enough, and in fact, preferable to a tangible in-game consequence.

It's been years since I last watched The Pianist, but I can think of two distinct examples of scenes that had very little dialogue but had a huge impact simply by showing and not telling. The first scene that comes to mind is when a group of Nazis go into a family's upper apartment. They give everyone a simple command to stand up. Everyone does except the grandfather who is in a wheelchair. They repeat the command to the grandfather, who can't stand up, he just sits there and nobody else speaks. The Nazis then wheel grandpa to the balcony and throw him over. That was the pretty much the whole scene but it was important. It showed the viewer that the Nazis had supreme control in this place, but not only that, they were incredibly cruel and unreasonable, not to mention thoroughly authoritarian. The second scene that pops out to me is later on in the movie when the main character is standing in a line with a bunch of other people. A Nazi officer comes along and just points to random people saying "you", "you", "you" and those people would step forward and lay face-down on the ground. The Nazi officer then very casually shoots each one in the back of the head that were on the ground, until he got to the last person. The gun was out of ammo, so there is this long pause as the officer very casually reloads the gun (all the while the camera was focused on the guy's face on the ground) and then shoots the man in the back of the head. This scene always stood out to me because it shows (and not tells, as there is almost no dialogue at all except for him pointing out people), once again, the supreme physical domination of the Nazis in that place, and it showed the absolute helplessness of the people they were oppressing. Nobody could fight back, the guy couldn't run for his life because he knew it was hopeless, but more to that, there is also this instinctual glimmer of irrational hope that "it happened to other people, so it can't happen to me". 

There is a certain human instinct quality to both of these scenes where people just stand and watch without doing or saying anything, no matter how horrific the scene because deep within our brains we have this thing that tells us that we can't die, horrible things can't happen to us - these things happen to other people, but not me. That is why, throughout all of history, there are so many cases of people just standing by and doing nothing while terrible things are perpetrated upon others. How many times have a row of people been lined up to be executed, and none of them do anything about it? A famous historical incident also illustrates this sort of "group hopelessness", the murder of Kitty Genovese (feel free to google the wiki for it). Basically this woman in the 60's was murdered, and there were something like 38 witnesses who either saw or heard it and nobody called the police because nobody "wanted to get involved" or they thought "someone else would take care of it".  As long as it wasn't happening to them, they were relatively numb to the crime.

To shift gears slightly to the motives of most Nazis, there is the ever-famous "I was just following orders". There was a great psychological study, the Milgram Experiment (I highly recommend googling this one), that showed that most people are willing to obey someone who at least appears to be an authority figure, often to the point of inflicting pain and cruelty on other people at their behest. This study pretty much explains the psychology of a good deal of the Nazi guards in places like the ghettos and work camps in WWII. Most of them simply were obeying orders that were handed down to them by leaders who gained power on the back of rampant racism and nationalism.

How all of this could apply to your game... Instead of having NPCs constantly lament on the hopelessness of their situation, they might be a bit more numb to the happenings around them. Someone got dragged out into the street and shot because they didn't pay taxes? Better them than me. That can't happen to me anyway, that only happens to other people. I don't  want to get involved or stick my neck out.

That doesn't mean SOME can't lament their situation, but when you think about the real reactions of the majority of people in similar situations in the real world, they don't talk about it. There is just this feeling of "at least it wasn't me". There is always this prevailing sense that "if I do what I am told, everything will be fine" that eventually sinks in to an oppressed population. There are always undercurrents of resistance somewhere, but they are very secretive for obvious reasons, and they are generally small. It is hard to motivate an entire population to a course of action that very well might end up with all of them murdered. Plus, at least the bad things aren't happening to them, so why should they get involved? If they keep their heads down, do what they are told, they get their daily potato and all is well.