I spent a lot of this read confused, thinking one character was another when it turned out to be the XO? But not Bodkin? And the scene changes were quite abrupt and a little jarring. All that aside, cool idea to pursue further.
I feel like the ending was quite rushed. It didn't make too much sense and the spelling errors multiplied, just felt like a time crunch. Cool idea though, and I'd love to read more about this planet defending itself next Jam :)
Good premise, but lacks subtlety. Show, don't tell. Let your readers figure the theme out for themselves. The unbeatable and awesomely awesome battle brothers trope is also done to death.
But, saying all that, you wrote something and submitted it for other people to see and give feedback on. That's really awesome and I'm genuinely looking forward to what you write next🙂
