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I open the game and see a little dingus staring right into my soul. I get a feeling I’m supposed to be doing something. Ask for a task I do. “Clean the room”, she says. Alright, time to destroy these squares of dust. Cool. What’s next? “Clean the room”, she repeats. I do so once again, ignoring the fact that I seem to be cleaning the exact same squares of dust as previously. Once I’m done, I decide to cook some food and talk to her for a good while.

Alright, time for the daredevil.

I ask for her task, like some sort of main character in an RPG. “Clean the room”, she mutters. Begrudgingly I do. Just to tempt my fate, I decide to ask again. “Clean the room”. Oh really. You sure there’s no youkai that keeps making these square piles of dust? Ya really don’t want me to call Reimu, just to be sure? No? You’re going to bake cookies with me instead? Alright, that’ll do. i cant resist that stare god damn it you win

A nice short distraction. However, massive points need to be redacted for being unable to pet the little dinguses. Sakuya would totally do that all the time. I know I would. Although maybe the game is so retro I need to pull off some frame perfect trick to do so. Or maybe it broke and wasn’t fixed until the game was shipped. Nevermind, that perfectly fits the retro theme. I redact my previous statement, and add additional points.

that makes the final rating 🍮/10

Very nice oldschool tetris. A bit jank, but a little bit of spaghetti won’t make me dislike the dish. Especially knowing that this was prepared with a toy oven and sheer god damn willpower.

When I got to the Dai background, every once in a while the background would switch back to Cirno’s background, only to switch back a few frames later. This really makes the Dai takeover more authentic, as you can see Dai constantly fighting back against the strongest. It’s not a matter of if she’ll lose. Only a matter of when.

anywho had my fun game’s a [ ]/10

As I was playing this absolute MASTERPIECE of a game (seriously how did you lads make this in my touhou fan game jam 13), I could not stop looking at the artwork on top. There’s just something about it I find really enjoyable. To me, it looks like there’s a small story. All the characters are wearing very schnazzy, new outfits, while Youmu is in the corner, realizing that, yup, she’s still wearing the uzhe. All because of Touhou Fan Game Jam 13 deciding that green is in fashion this month.

This injustice got me thinking. What would green Yuyuko look like? Green Lily? These are the kinds of questions that keep me up at night. Even at day, actually. Sure, I could open up MS Paint and check, but unfortunately I used up all of the green paint on my profile picture. Oh well.

all in all game deserves a imsuperimpressedhow/10 (game’s so good this rating actually makes some sense)

I read it in its entirety, listened to the attached music video as well. I was about to give a near maximum rating for the stellar performance, until I realized something horrendous. When I noticed this, I immediately stood up from my (cheap) chair in shock, and could not give the experience any more than a 1 star rating (and that’s if you really push it).

Marisa I and Reimu comes to mind,

You really thought I wouldn’t notice that you put yourself between Marisa and Reimu?

How dare you interrupt their hangout. They were having so much fun, and then you suddenly appeared out of nowhere, barely dressed for the occasion, now wondering why I cannot give the experience a high rating.

anywho game’s a definite I/10

Pong with spell card rules slapped on. Fascinating. Really makes one wonder what the limits are of that. Would Mahjong be improved if you would need to throw your yaku at your enemies until there’s only one person that wants to keep playing with you? Would shopping become way more fun if you would need to shoot your coins into the cash register while dodging the cashier’s tomatoes? (For additional flare, one could use a money gun.) Oh, and what if football would allow for players to use projectiles to shoot around the ball? (wait that’s just touhou soccer nevermind can i just have one more sequel of that game instead please)

Maybe the world is not ready for all of that. I am, though. Bring it on. Let the spell card rules become the solution to all of society’s problems.

overall game’s a (bang)er/10

I want to parry those attacks so badly. Really make those enemies understand that the things that cannot be cut by my Roukanken, forged by youkai, are close to none. But I understand. Making a game in 1989 must have been tough. Technology like that probably did not exist at that time.

Besides the gameplay, the sprites and music are top-notch!! If I would be you, I would fear this kind of power. It can be used for so much - what if you make another awesome game about Youmu? Society would collapse trying to decide which game to play! God forbid you release it on the (upcoming) Nintendo Entertainment System!!!

All in all, I am glad to see this be archived for society to collectively go “huh neat”.

i rate the game whatwasmyonrunningfrom/10

The storytelling is top-notch. Since Doremy has a ciggy, the player is immediately confronted with a dilemma. “wait am i playing the bad guy”, the player wonders. Everyone knows that ciggies make people cool. And all cool people are good (see cirno, those frogs clearly were up to no good). Therefore one must assume we play the good guy. But hold on, all villains don’t have plot armour (see fortune teller, man was spawn camped so hard), so we cannot be playing as the bad guy. Well, who then IS the good guy? No one, the game ran out of budget to have one.

So, what did we learn today? that i rate the game succ/10

also the gameplay is pretty neat (really makes me feel like legally distinct kirby) also also good job on speedrunning solid game design 👍

Surprisingly fun. The levels being frames of Bad Apple is very clever. Game looked neat, but unfortunately there was no audio. Assuming the copyright holders to the song turned it off while I was playing, forgetting that this is not YouTube. But hey, no worries, I’m pretty good at making sound effects myself, so the audio was actually really good. Well done! Could not have done the sound design any better myself.

final rating: bad/apple

…/10

My favourite part has to be the description of the submission. I read it from the perspective of some chap being overly enthusiastic about, after several years of trying, finally figuring out how to combine their two most favourite things in life. That or someone trying to make an excuse from failing to play chess with Wakasagihime, forgetting that chess pieces float around underwater.

And yes, I too find enjoyment in the pillars being chess kings.

final rating: go fish/10

This makes me want to see an NES game with graphics done with MS Paint in 5 minutes. Everything else would be perfected in design, everything would feel good, it just would look like the graphics department took a multiple year vacation.

The game’s simple. Was fun. I would prefer the gameplay to be faster, but that might go beyond the speed limit in Gensokyo.

if it wasn’t obvious i rate the game masion/10

First of all, I must admit that I have only played Doom 64 for a couple hours and seen some quirky internet funnies about Doom, so I may have a wrong idea of what Doom is like. For all I know this is a faithful remaster of Doom on the PC-98.

The game was a magnificent open world experience. Really made me feel nostalgic for the good old days of me publishing unfinished games for game jams. The all 10 enemies were fine-tuned to provide deeper meaning into the world, and I was immersed even more when I realized you can die in the game. So realistic!

no i am not being super nice because i heard there were cookies involved what do you mean

anywho i rate game mima/10 if cookie is as advertised

While I was playing the game, that game designer part of my brain started foaming from its mouth. This is such a cool concept, my god. Definitely an idea that moderately tall people (like me, hi) could not even fathom coming up with. Well done, now my mind can’t stop thinking about this, at least for a good 2 minutes.

Speaking of ideas, in case anyone else decides to invest money into a potential franchise that could easily be worth at least 10000 Colombian Pesos, here are some additional gameplay ideas:

• Have Shinmy push sticks/rocks on buttons to keep them held!
• Ooh, ooh, the hammer! You could throw it, you could use it to change size or something!
• How about allowing Shinmy to put pieces of bread on buttons to attract an ant colony? (warning: this might just be the worst idea for an auto-clicker in touhou fan game jam 13’s existence)

The difficulty spike on the third spellcard is nuts, but the simple joy of beating the most basic of levels already gave me enough dopamine to not care.

anyways i rate game 33301.54 colombian pesos/1647.04 japanese yen

I played this first just because of the thumbnail and title. A wonderful rendition of Sanae doing a derpy face while being in disbelief about old game being old. I was already hooked, my guy. I had seen enough, this customer was pleased.

And then I saw the title screen.

It’s almost like you know my weakness is WordArt. JANKY LOW QUALITY WORDART.

This… is perfection. Humanity has peaked. Art has been finished, nothing will replace this. Giving a 5 star rating feels like a disservice to this… masterpiece. This shall forever be remembered as the pinnacle of all human kind, and I’ll treasure it in my mind for another good, uhh, 23 seconds.

anyways the game part of the game’s definitely a mlem mlem/10 good job keep on keepin on

What the game lacks in length, it makes up with the quality, and even a bit beyond. The art is absolutely stellar!!! Mystia!!!!!!!!!!!

At first I was doing all kinds of galaxy brain deduction, only to later realize the solution was a lot more basic. Still enjoyed solving it.

I only have one problem with the game: it ended. I crave more now. My appetite is only growing.

Expectations exceeded. I was not aware I would also be able to crash the game on my machine easily - a feature not even mentioned in the marketing! Besides that, hilarity ensued as advertised.

🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦/10

I enjoyed reading through the VN. The art and dialogue are very charming, me likey. Bonus points for including real birds; truly revolutionary in the world of Touhou Fan Game Jam 12.

You, sir, know how to make me giggle like a 5 year old. Do not abuse this power. I was certainly not prepared for this.

The rest of the game was also real fun. Surprising amounts of strategy, too. You could say I was not rea-

This game goes hard. The music, the gameplay and the visuals… chef’s kiss. No notes. I need more! I shall find more.

Wonderful looks, simple yet satisfying gameplay. What else do you need, really?

Actually, there is one thing. The game would become a truly revolutionary with the ability to shoot Yuyuko, in case you want to keep some of that food to yourself. (It’s fine, she’s a ghost anyways.)

Besides that, whenever any of those bird things will annoy me, I’ll make sure to lash out my rage in this game. bang/10

Game’s real fun, well done! One of my favourites from this game jam.

• Rad gameplay - who knew that you could make Flappy Bird so much more fun by adding a gun? Perhaps violence is the answer to more problems than we think.
• Rad audio - simple, yet powerful. Especially the death sound effect. Really sells the impact of the tragic fate that is a damaged fumo.
• Rad art style - sucker for 1-bit pixel art.

obligatory high score mention