Hey. I played your game as part of a Demo Day stream. If you didn't catch the stream live, here's a link to the video:
You can see my other demo day 46 streams as well on my channel.
Play game
Hero Seemingly Supernaturally Can't Attract Any Attention!'s itch.io pageComments
Clicking Back from the Loading Screen closes the Game.
The Main Menu also fades in really slowly.
Its some kind of medieval/fantasy setting from what I gather from the Intro text, but the first non-map screen looks like they're just wearing colored T-Shirts.
Typewriter lettersound starts halfway through? And it shows the Person I'm talking to instead of me talking? I don't play Visual Novels, but shouldn't there be a Picture of the Protagonist when he speaks?
The Text weirldy shifts what its talking about. First I'm talking about getting Ink, then I'm talking to myself and suddenly its an explenation of the Moon festival? Sure, we were just talking about it, but why cut off like that so suddenly?
The Art during the Moonstone ceremony explanation is great tho. More or less. It got the same feeling as classic medieval Art, but in a more simplified look, misisng some details. And then theres a bunch of dumb colors + shading applied on top of it. I know most of the actual medieval Art seen today is faded and withered and was more colorful back then, but not Airbrushed like those. I'm sure you could easily recreate a look like those Manuscripts easily with your Skills. And an entire Visual Novel in a similar style would be something more unique and interesting. Or some other 2D Game with a Style like that. Doesn't have to be a Visual Novel.
The Sprites for Fiona blend into each other weirdly when she changes expression.
Whats with the one time only loud and short Noise for the Crowd?
Wizard doesn't look remotely like a Wizard. Boring. And why does he hold a piece of Paper like that? That looks really weird.
Shouldn't the path to the ceremonial Pond and the Pond itself have some kind of decoration and people watching and stuff while you're going there? At least during the Festival.
Why does it say Thansk for playing and Ends after I'm being knocked down and had a little chat. I haven't done anything.
This isn't a Game, its more of a Picturebook. A Short one at that. With an uninteresting Story. I was just ready to get started on some kind of getting the Stone back adventure or something, but then it just ends.
Loading screen issue should be in the main page only but I'm aware of it.
I could maybe make first image more medieval.
Typewriter lettersound thing only happens when someone's talking to indicate both main character and other characters speaking, so no sound on internal dialogue.
In some visual novels there is a small portrait on the left bottom for mc expressions and in others there is larger ones and I've seen ones where there isn't any for mc except for the special scenes, decided to go with that to make it seem more first person.
I'm not the greatest writer so it was my first attempt at writing a story, jumping from market to moonstone festival explanation could've been done better, but mainly trying to develop my writing so I can put something more coherent.
I'll try to make the moonstone ceremony explanation more like a medieval manuscript, some of the art is rushed, story and characters were more important at that stage, idk about entire vn in the style of that tho. I think there's a game like that sort of a jrpg with manuscript look, can't remember the name.
Idk how to fix the sprite blending thing, you can time it but I like it to be bit slow, but maybe faster is better.
Marcellus is supposed to look bit goofy, might give him a bigger hat and more classic look maybe, in thefirst draft he was sort of a local shaman/healer than a wizard.
For the path my excuse was it didn't get crowded because ceremony is officially not happening, I should write something better for that part tho.
And it says thanks because the game is that short, it's my first attempt at vn and I wanted to try it like a 20 minute pilot episode which doesn't even take 20 minutes at the moment, but in the story you'll get to meet with king and queen and go back for the stone also to rescue princess from archwizard although he's not a bad guy. I basically need to develop my writing skills but thank you for the feedback!
Oh and some of the sound effects are from phoenix wright so that's why loud and low res.
The game lacks most conventional VN quality of life features. Not being on-par with a default Renpy project is really, really bad. Repetitive dialogue beeps are acceptable in RPGs, but are considered poor practice in VNs. The music choice is good, but transitioning between songs should use a fade-in/fade-out effect to not be so abrupt. The text is too low on the screen, too small and hard to read. I like your art-style, but the first girl you meet is not cute at all (all VNs girls should be cute). The transition method you use to change facial expressions looks awful. Tall characters have their heads cut off, which looks bad.
As for the story, the "hook" is simultaneously not interesting, too slow, and not true. The MC has no problem being noticed by the people (else he wouldn't have been robbed by goons). It seems to be set up for some generic fantasy hero plot that has nothing to do with the game's description. The primary conflict should be introduced and made clear very early on. I have no idea where the story is going even after finishing this demo, which is bad for maintaining audience interest. Also, the title of the game is too long. I'm guessing it's supposed to be taking inspiration from isekai light novels? It just makes it harder to find and remember.
Submitted
MistaloneI really wanted to use the beeps and individual character stroke text thing, that's why I didn't go with renpy, thus VN quality of life features being absent. (Which I'm guessing it's text speed/music/sfx volume control which I will put in.)
I got comment on Fiona being cute but I can see if you don't think that she is, she's not supposed to be overly cute but cute enough.
Tall character having their head cut off is intentional as well, to show their height compared to others.
Primary conflict is queen is going to bodyswap with princess when stones aren't protecting the area except archwizard realizes and kidnaps the princess before it can happen, queen then gets the stone stolen from you and blames it on archwizard as well making him look like the even more of a bad guy on top of kidnapping. Which is not explained immediately since I wanted to set the setting and characters up first but definitely could use a better writer overall.
And yeah title is isekai thing.
Leave a comment
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.