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A jam submission

Polished SteelView project page

The captain of an army from a broken land reflects on the disparity between how she feels and how her troops see her.
Submitted by Zebigbos — 11 minutes, 2 seconds before the deadline
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Polished Steel's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Adherence to the Theme#123.8544.000
Flow & Clarity#133.7433.885
Overall#173.6443.782
Concept & Originality#313.3363.462

Ranked from 26 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Submitted(+1)

I have always been a fan of seeing the mentality of soldiers and commanders in the quite moments before battle. When they stop and considered what they are doing, are about to do and why. This story does a fantastic job at portraying that moments of internal conflict and the character of Alessandra is so few words.
I would genuinely love to see more about her and her world overrun by Havoc. 

Developer

Thank you! I would like to write more about her as well, and expand her world with more characters.

Submitted(+1)

great story! enjoyed 'Alessandra the doubtful' donning her 'lady' persona

Submitted

Nice work. Her duality of character was fun to see.

Submitted(+1)

Brevity was the soul of wit, in this case, and I admire that you didn't try to draw things out or let the story overstay its welcome, but simply wrote what needed to be written. I thought the use of reflection on one's image and self-image was a good and interesting use of the theme as well.

Developer(+1)

Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?

Submitted(+1)

I really, really liked the bit toward the end where you mirror (reflect??) the donning of her armor with the donning of her "august persona", and contrast that with "Alessandra, the doubtful" versus "Lady Alessandra". That was very well done.

I'd caution you to pick a verb tense, though (present or past) and stick with it. You switch between past tense and present tense frequently (e.g. "Alessandra saw a scarred, tired woman. But that is not what her troops saw.")

But you do a great job of portraying the desperation of the moment, and hope for the future. Nicely done!

Developer

Thank you! And yeah, the text could have done with an extra revision but, alas, I was pressed for time.

Submitted(+2)

The story really captures the hopelessness I love from the setting. That despite that humans persist. And Lady Alessandra is a perfect character for that :D !!

Developer(+1)

You think a mere dæmon invasion will wipe us out? Nah, we humans are like cockroaches! Glad you enjoyed my character n_n