Post by coffeedripstudios in fan art >_<! and fan girling!

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Hi JustaOneGirl,

Since I was sharing some of my thoughts I had in mind when writing Katnir and Ruwin, I thought I would share with you some thoughts that inspired Lor! (I always hesitate to disclose too much because I don't want to spoil someone's interpretation of the character, just to say these types of details in my head are not necessarily 'canon' if they were not explicitely stated in the game.)

He was started off over the top and supposed to be to a comical kind of nod to the butler and eunuch type characters in a lot of webnovels i was reading who are always kotowing to their masters. When i started flesh out his character more, (especially regarding his adoring love for the MC, I wanted it to feel possible, even if it seemed too idealized to be real.)

So I'm pretty jaded when it comes to romantic love, given my observations and personal experiences but for my grandparents on my adoptive mother's side of the family. They were from the silent generation, and my grandfather worked very hard since he was 10 years old, grew up very fast, lied about his age to enter the world war 2 before he was technically old enough and to impress my very proud grandmother who was 10 yrs older than him and would never dated him if she knew she was this much older lol. He was a very quiet man who liked to sit back and watch other people having fun. my grandmother was very outgoing, chatty, cared for her appearance and liked to host events. A socialite. At the time she was divorced and my grandfather was her second husband which was like super scandalous back then. Anyway he cherished her, and her kids and always made sure he did everything he could for her to make her happy without complaint, he worked two jobs, did all the food shopping, yard work and helped in the kitchen and cleaning. Even when she was suffering from dementia in her older years, he always missed her terribly when she passed away. When i think of a man who seemed like he truly loved his wife, i think no one i know compared at all to my grandfather. He never gushed over her or used any romantic language but you could always tell by how quietly attentive he was of her. There was a few instances when I went out of my way to talk to him, like when I was learning about history in school and asked him about the war. He just shed some silent tears and I told him he must've been hard and he nodded. So I was impressed that he was a man who carried a lot of deep feelings inside. And he was a handsome man who kept his hair all through his life and it was very full, fuffy and white for as long as i knew him haha.

So the other aspect of Lor is very expressive of his emotions. I think about how it was for me growing up and seeing my son grow up as highly sensitive people and how uncomfortable our outward expressions of feelings can make other people and all the subtle and not subtle ways people in general try to get us to stop. Mostly based around shaming us for having such strong feelings to begin with. So I think in both Lor's real world life and then fantasy world life, he felt there was something intrinsically wrong with him. That's why he's so self depricating, as he anticipates his expressions will be a burden on those around him but can't seem to stop himself. Unlike my grandpa, he's a social person, who loves being around others and talking (probably would talk nonstop if MC is the quiet type who encourages him to do so- would he make a good hairdresser? LOL) so being shunned into quieting his feelings really felt like having to deny himself, like someone being forced into closet. I imagine that in his real world life, he probably found some solace in online spaces where he could communicate freely with anonmity. When he became a Transient One, he finally felt accept by his companions and could express himself freely without shame and judgement. He was truly devastated when he failed in his mission and 'let everyone down'. He couldn't face his followers nor was he unwilling to depart from the people and world that he felt he could be more himself in and instead chose to be reborn. Unfortunately for him, this didn't solve his issues with self esteem and self acceptance though, as he was using all the praise he recieved as the TO as a crutch to prop up his fragile ego, instead of feeling truly confident. I seem to remember you asking about his experiences as a TO, so I hope this is interesting outline to fill in.

Best wishes~ <3<3<3

JustaOneGirl31 days ago (4 edits) (+2)

OOOH yaay ı got to know more about Lor haha XD ı always like to know more about the characters ı like so ım happy :3

wow ı never thought he is a social guy haha ^^; perhaps because he was trying to be ''more normal'' while supress himself? he always looked like he wants to say something but struggle to find a way to tell it. and then here ı was thinking that ''ı should introduce him some people he need friends'' hahaha XD

well as long ıts not some topic like ım super interested in ı would usually prefer to stay quiet so ı guess Lor would have so much chance to talk XD. ı also noticed that Lor is kind of being perfectionist when ıt comes to himself. even the reason of the accident that happened in mage tower was because of he couldn't admit what he was doing and was scared so instead he tried to fix things himself or at least bear with it as much as he can yet with already existing pressure his anxious emotions gave him even more stress and pressure so ı am not suprised he reached a point to not be able to handle it anymore as he was trying to be perfect while forcing himself to do certain things at this point ı also kind of think about the one video you shared about perfectionism and how getting burned out and returning to normal self would be seen as ''something that should be fixed'' ı guess Lor was too afraid to show his true self since he was kind of desperately searching for recognition and acceptance from the people he was around. and probably fell in love with Deita since she accepted him even with that accident he caused.

Oh what an amazing grandpa! ım happy that your grandparents had a happy marriage (well since they seem to care each other ı hope they did) and your grandpa sounds like super caring and super strong person! >w< although open love is easiest to realize people who always support their love is very amazing people in general! (*gasp* fluffy hair!!)

I would also like to talk about why ı like him ı guess :3 ı dont mind sharing my thoughts and some little background relating to them but hopefully ıt wont end up becoming a venting since thats not my aim

I guess starting with how ı kind of feel similar to Lor brought my interest and focus on him would be good start :3

I am a single child of my family. my mom usually tells me that she got married my father because her family wanted her to.. and she actually didnt want to marry.. perhps because ıt wasnt love marriage growing up the way ı saw them together reminded more of roommates than lifelong partners since they always look distant from each other. Of course they are both good people.. but ı guess they just couldnt connect with each other much? ım not sure while growing up ı didnt really see them showing some form of love or even saying ''ı love you'' to each other and while ı was talking to them alone they would usually vent about some things their partner do and they dont like and ı would listen to them as their own child XD. Even now ım not so sure ıf they really love each other or they see each other like friends. but one thing is certain: they loved me yet unfortunately growing up in abusive families my parents didnt really knew how to show their love towards me so they usually tried to support me in their way while they might accidentally hurt my emotions in the process ^^;; ıf ı would give an example whenever my mom did see me crying she would say ''dont ruin your eyes over foolish things'' or whenever she did see me eating many junk food she would say ''you are getting fatter and uglier as you keep eating them'' on the inside she was trying to make me stop doing harmful things yet the way she tried stop me always hurt me emotionally since ı felt like she doesnt love me or is disappointed in me.

My parents also had lots of expectation on me as ı was their only child they wanted me to succeed but the way they treated me whenever ı fail was also hurtful... to them me succeeding was ''whats supposed to be'' and me failing was completely my fault as '' ı wouldnt be failing ıf ı would try hard enough and ım just being lazy''. As time passed ı became more and more isolated since ı wasnt allowed to go outside (except school) without my parents being with me because they thought outside world is dangerous and ım too naive and stupid to protect myself (this is what my mom told me when ı asked why many times haha XD).

Though now ı can see they were trying to protect me in their own way ı always thought ım just a idiot girl they were disappointed with or ı am never good enough since none of my achievements were seen as achievements. so deep down ı think ı can understand Lor because ı also always wanted to have at least someone who would accept me as ı am and wouldnt yell at me when ı would make mistakes. perhaps thats why when ı saw Lor ı immediately wanted to make him happy because perhaps ı saw a part of me in him. but of course this was only how ı started to focus on him more rather than why ı love him haha XD

as for how ı started to love him ı guess ı can start with how seeing sweet and caring type of characters actually makes me feel so happy as they are someone deep down ı wish to have by my side x3

I am type of person who listens other's problems so thats how many of my friends told me about things they saw and experienced while dating with someone and.... general picture was always same... some dude showing no emotion at all (except jealousy/ anger) doesn't help with anything but loves doing random stuff they like, act more like a little kid than an adult (that is my opinion honestly.. but ı really felt like all my friends were being more like moms than a girlfriends in their relationships) and this profile never got better anywhere either. ı never saw a man who normally expresses themself (ı dont count yelling or slamming something as clear communication), who somehow shows their love in some way (except buying gifts as an apology after every big fight). and all female members of my family usually talks about how their partner emotionally tormented them and never even lifted a finger in their certain difficult times. needles to say no men in my family know much about chores or cooking either let alone being bit romantic haha ^^; .

maybe thats why ı always find male characters who express their feelings strongly or male characters who does things for someone they love supernatural 0-0 yes even ıts a imaginary game haha even the idea feels foreign ;w;

yet ı fully embrace them too because deep down ı want to believe that ı dont have a doomed future of either never having someone ı can share love with or being with someone who will never show any love and will just exist next to me without caring about me at all. I also love people who are not afraid to show themselfs to others since doing such thing int his cruel world is super brave! and something not many can do haha including me so ı cant blame poor Lor on this. admitting fault or showing your weak sides can be very scary especially ıf you care the opinions of the people around you.

in the end ı feel like ıf someone like Lor would exist and be single ı would probably be the one who proposes to them to not lose them haha XD but in the other hand ı doubt ı deserve someone like him since ı also dont know how to express my love and saying ''ı love you'' still feels foreign to me. Although ı believe people love or hate you depending on your actions but ı also think that ıts not so simple? love might require reasons but that reasons doesnt only depend on me but depend on the person who loves me too. sometimes people can love someone due to some reason they have inside of their mind / heart

Hopefully everyone can be able find someone (not only as partner but also as friend) who will accept themself as they are and will love them since otherwise life sounds too cruel for me :'3

anyway ı love Lor beause he first got my interest as ı kinda felt like ı have similarities with him yet then ı noticed how caring and sweet he is and immediately loved him haha XD and learning that he is so talkative that he would nice hairdresser makes me only love him more XD haha because ım rather quiet and boring person. I also think expressing emotions is beautiful thing! ı guess people can feel responsible about crying tho because they usually want people they care to be happy rather than sad? but ı still think letting emotions go free is better option x3 ıf they ever get bottled up they cause more trouble ı know this from myelf haha XD ^^ ım also glad Lor is having his chances to be more open with transient one too as ı finished playing crown side of new update he was being sad over transient ones departure and he openly expressed himself. poor guy needs to accept himself and be more confident ;w; and not gonna lie ı also kinda feared ''letting others down'' even this was a game... attaching myself too much can be interesting sometimes 0-0

ım so happy for learning more about him thank you so much for sharing it with me aaa >w< ofc ı love all characters in the ADW game but Lor is special for me :3

I hope you will have a nice daay ^^

coffeedripstudios29 days ago(+2)

Hi JustaOneGirl,

Thank you for sharing your story with us and I also relate to a lot of what you said about your parents. I feel like my parent's generation style of parents was very rooted in shame and fear, that expressed rather harshly on impressionable children. I resented my mother for a long time because I felt like I could never be good enough in her eyes. I think she just was afraid of anything bad happening to me, but I interpreted it as her thinking that I was untrustworthy and inept. It didn't help that I had a very sensitive and low self esteem so every criticism I took very deeply. I still think there is harmful in that approach of our parents, even if they mean well. I think its very mature of you to give your parents grace but its also sad that you were hurt by the people who are supposed to love and protect you most.

Even though I am also jaded to love, I think that all people at their core want love and acceptance so it's so ironic that it's so difficult to find. A lot of modern writing kind of has this post post modernism feeling of not hopeful like modernism- we were all let down, not as cynical as post modernism- this just got too depressing, so it's this weird here's a jaded take with just a little bit pf realistic hope mixed in with a dash of ironic humor LOL. I just kind of thought, you know what? Forgot my jaded, cynicism. Someone has to take the first step and put themselves out there in a vulnerable way first so let it be this fictional characters. They are gonna throw themselves into it like YOLO XD! Maybe post post post modernism can ignite a bit more hope, because we can't build a better future without it. I hope everyone can find some genuine love, even if it's not perfect. And we can all at least start with ourselves. <3<3<3

JustaOneGirl27 days ago(+1)

Thank you so much for seeing it from the point of my view hahaha ı am very shy to talk about my emotions because ıf the opposite side claims that ım wrong about feeling them that kinda feels like a thorny ivy squeezing my throat. I guess ıts because ı feel like ı shouldnt have feel it in the first place. Of course ı cant say ı survived all the pain from my old memories but ı am trying to make them feel less strong? like trying to understand other side or saying ''we are all humans in the end'' because negative emotions always harm me in the end while the people who caused them arent even aware that ı still think about those memories XD. But being heard out is always something feels like a getting warmth of sun while walking on outside with nice weather and fresh air >w<

ahaha yaay ı love fictional characters! maybe some people may find it weird ı like to think about like talking them or adding them on my daily routine (hmm ıts like ı imagine them doing something else while ım studying lol) they also help the strengthen my self love ı think ı felt that especially on ADW because having them on your side no matter which path you choose felt so liberating ıt was like ''ıts ok even ıf ı make a mistake'' and ı think ı managed to carry this feeling into my normal life time to time.. hopefully ı can continue to do that because ı am in my exam week now hahaha ;w; when will this eeeeennnddddd.

I really hope things will take hopeful turn in this depressing sight we will somehow find new sparks of hope but ı really hope ıt will be soon XD because destruction of depressing feelings are too OP for this moment in my opinion -_-

oh and about perfection ı actually heard a term of ''perfection of imperfection'' ı guess ıt was japanese tho ı didnt really searched it much ıt was about beauty of things that are incomplete or flawed. With not knowing much ı actually tried to think about the concept myself when ı think what really matters is not being flawless from the start but being able to complete each other with your own strengths and weaknesses like day and night and they create a full day together.. they seem so different and opposite but with their existence together we are living our normal Lifes. ı guess ı think relationships closer to this.. ıts like we will be different and have our own mistakes but whats important is being able to walk together and trying to find a way to improve the problems. which sounds very difficult actually haha x3 but ı hope everyone will find their happiness with or without flaws.

itch.io

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