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A jam submission

Paid for in BloodView project page

A Vinci soldier finds out that excellence is not inherited
Submitted by Revs95 — 19 hours, 37 minutes before the deadline
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Paid for in Blood's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Adherence to Theme#353.2433.375
Flow & Clarity#463.0423.167
Concepts & Originality#513.3633.500
Overall#513.2163.347

Ranked from 24 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Submitted(+1)

I'm a SAP for poetic parade scenes, and to mix that so effortlessly into a fun battle, excellent. Really fun ride with the flow!

Submitted(+1)

Really captured the gritty essence of a war-torn world. The contrast between the opulence of the aristocracy and the chaos of the battlefield was stark and effective. Great job on the atmosphere.

Submitted(+2)

The visual imagery in this story was really nice, however, some of the details (names, goes, and ranks) came a little piecemeal which disrupted the flow for me. A great read nonetheless and dotted with Vinci-ness!

Submitted(+1)

I thought this one was a good story and a great glimpse into the Duchies of Vinci, sprinkled with just the type of detail that I like. There are a few sections, however, where it seems to stumble over itself and the description tips from vivid into overdone. I think that dialing those back just a little could make it a very strong submission.

Also (and this is just a minor nitpick), it looks like the name of the incompetent De Luca heir is Carlo at the beginning but Marco at the end - or maybe there's a brother that I missed?

Submitted

Colorful style, very immersi e, but the complex wordsmithing got me a bit lost toward the end. Enjoyed the read and the attention to detail.

Submitted(+1)

really a lot of world building here to flesh out the Vinci details, nice!

Submitted(+1)

I’m no expert so I will try to leave constructive feedback :)

I enjoyed the highly descriptive writing that reminded me of poetic prose.
Occasionally there was a bit too much description though. 
Maybe consider reducing the balance of description to add more conversation and story / character development ?

Good luck in your future writing !