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A jam submission

Silence Of FireView project page

High Elf considers career in war
Submitted by Alzaro — 16 hours, 24 minutes before the deadline
Rated by 17 people so far
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Silence Of Fire's itch.io page

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Comments

Submitted

Gave this one fives all around. The reason is simple: it felt like reading an indoctrination and that is a very creative resource indeed. Very well done.

Submitted

Very evocative writing, concur there is some strong work here and look forward to reading more on this in the future

Submitted

Concepts & Originality 5/5

This is an interesting look into a character's method of warfare. Very cool way to explore a faction and some creative storytelling going on.

Flow & Clarity 2/5

I like the use of first person present tense, but I think the story gets a little muddled in the transition to third person narrative in the latter half. Is the character narrating the action on 3rd person, or is it a different scene? There are a handful of grammatical errors that can be cleaned up in an editing pass, the most jarring are a few sentences that switch to past tense. I'm on the fence between 2 and 3 stars for this category, so I may revise my rating to 3 upon further reflection.

Adherence to Theme 5/5

Interesting to use mental conditioning/control/silence as the "resource" of the story. Very creative, and I appreciate the focus on it throughout. 

If you want to discuss these comments/ratings further, feel free to @ me on the OPR discord.

Submitted

I think there is something really strong in the works here. I love the thought of first personal internal monologue that this started with, though it did get wordy and hard to follow as it continued. Then the switch to third person action was really displacing. Would love to see this fleshed out and reworked a bit.