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It was spooky, it was ominous, you did a really good job of setting up for the punchline without giving it away. A real highlight of the jam for me. Maybe my only real dissatisfaction was that it was hard for me to see what made this a Grimdark Future story versus a Warhammer 40K story.
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it and really appreciate the feedback! It was fun to write.
I think this area of the official Dark Elf Raider lore (alchemists copying protectorate gene-mods to create powerful but irreversibly damaged dark elf warriors) is pretty under-explored and itself doesn't stray too far from 40k, so I was pretty conscious of the potential comparison when writing. Evidently, I played it a bit too "safe" to truly differentiate it. I think the story strays most into 40k in the disturbing physical appearance/demeanor of the alchemist himself, but I worried the story might not work/hit the same without the added unsettling detail/creepy factor.
Lovely story about one of the most twisted elements of the dark elves. Great building and descriptions of the characters.
Very good and short descriptions of the surroundings made it easy to understand and fill in the blanks. Very well done!
Thanks!
Pretty good story. One thing jarred me out of it though - all the liquid 'sloshed'. Repetition of the term in such a short piece sticks out.
Pretty good story. One thing jarred me out of it though - all the liquid 'sloshed'. Repetition of the term in such a short piece sticks out.
Thanks for the feedback! It's something I noticed upon rereading afterward and you're 100% correct.
Loved the description and the imagery. Very well written.
Thanks!
Chillingly brilliant! Fits well in a grimdark future!
Glad you liked it! I was worried it might be a little too dark.
Well done, a good read.
Thanks!
A bad guy who just shoots people. I like it. Grim. Dark. A small vial of some hard to get stuff for a creative evil genius. Very cool.
Glad you enjoyed it; it was fun to write.