My experience is quite alike to what SupNerds said. Very well done ending and flow of the story.
Grizlibier
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Thanks for the reply!
To be honest, the poison was a last second add to make the reasoning of the character more clear, but your point is 100% valid. The commander could've felt dizzy because of it, maybe a stray description of someone collapsing.... But in the end, I'm happy you enjoyed the story and I hope that I'll be able to continue bringing joy to people every next jam I'll participate in!
Thanks for your rating.
As you pointed out, there were quite a few mistakes on my part when it came to grammar. This has never happened before and I am deeply ashamed. To receive such a high rating from you feels unreal, thanks again!
I also see that I can't access your story. May be because of the queue...
First of all, well done Mr;Long XD XD
Anyway, I feel like some parts are a bit repetetive regarding names. Also, there are quite a lot of characters and since we have but one page to write on, I found myself double-cheking names because I just didn't know who that was again.
Regardless of that, it's still a solid submission!
Now that you explain it here, I can see where it came from. However, that explanation should have been a part of the story. I must say that it is my fault for not remembering the lore of the Dark Elves, but you also should keep in mind that people without knowledge of the official lore might read your story.
The story itself is good enough, but there are some elements which make reading it confusing. Also, I don't really see how it ties into the theme of consequenses.
I'd say, try working on on the flow of the story and don't add cursive at random or inconsistently. I'm sure you'll be able to write a very good story next time!
Thank you very much! I'm currently in the middle of writing a short series on a self-made universe, so in case you want to read the first few chapters, you can find those on my pixiv:
https://www.pixiv.net/novel/series/11737697
I posted only 3 chapters there, but the 4th and the 5th ones are almost done, so I'll probably post them in a week or two.