Play short story
Raining Fire - OPR Writing Jam's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Adherence to the Theme | #2 | 4.444 | 4.444 |
| Overall | #6 | 4.148 | 4.148 |
| Concept & Originality | #7 | 4.167 | 4.167 |
| Flow & Clarity | #11 | 3.833 | 3.833 |
Ranked from 18 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
'We're going to need much larger caliber scrap. I have an idea...!'
So that wasn't quite the twist ending I was expecting. This was a very well-written and evocative piece. I appreciated the strong descriptive language. You also kept the tension steady throughout, which was nice to read. There were one or two grammar and linguistic blips ('neigh' for 'nigh' at the end of the second paragraph) and the odd sentence here or there could have been smoother, but these are but nitpicks.
My major comment has to do with the twist ending itself: the revelation of exactly what the Jackals' plan entailed strongly undercut any sympathy I felt for them and their situation. I don't know if this was intentional on your part, to play up the grimdark angle, or not. Still, a well-written and solid piece overall.
Thank you, I appreciate the critique.
As a matter of fact, it was very much my intention for their methods of war to seem cruel. I like the idea that the Jackals, while intelligent, are also very animalistic so they lack a certain level of empathy.
I like the perspective and the mindset of the main character, really gives the faction some life!
Dang, that was a amazing story! loved the build up and the world descriptions!
jackals are the best-
Did you happen to use an AI to generate mood board images?
Hey thanks! I hadn't even considered AI generating to be an option. I just googled the images lol
Nice work dude! Despite it being short, it built up to a satisfying and open (in a good way) ending! I could hear music start to play followed by a cut to black! ;) I like the interpretation of the theme!
Great mood board!
Really nice bit of world-building for this faction, looking forward to seeing more on this.