Play book
The Parable of Two Swordsmen's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Flow & Clarity | #22 | 3.487 | 3.588 |
| Adherence to the Theme | #27 | 3.201 | 3.294 |
| Overall | #27 | 3.335 | 3.431 |
| Concept & Originality | #33 | 3.316 | 3.412 |
Ranked from 17 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
A nice change of pace from the other stories in this Jam, a nice bit of introsection with some interesting characters, I really like this concept!
thank you!
A nicely written reflective piece on the nature of weapons and combat. I did notice some grammar issues (beginnings of sentences not capitalized, questions ending in periods) and in particular, you should begin a new paragraph whenever the speaker changes. I appreciated how understated everything was: the titular parable made its point delicately but clearly, without being overly forced or contrived - exactly the sort of thing a good teacher might actually use as an illustration, especially one about thinking clearly. I was left curious about how Arasen has come to be learning meditation - he's an unusual Jackal, clearly, and I understand you've got a word count to adhere to, but a hint in that direction would have been good. (And on a second read, I was assuming Master Jow-Kai was a Jackal himself, but the text doesn't actually state this. Is he supposed to be TAO?)
(Also, was it Jackal month and no-one told me? That's at least the third story I've read where the Jackals play a major role.)
thank you for commenting! (i know, not including mine there's at least 3-4 other story's with jackals)
thanks for the feed back, ill keep it in mind. and no, Jow-Kai is a (old) master from the Eternal Dynasty, my entry for OPR jam#4, A Question of Peace was about him. I've wanted to write more about him for a while and planned on giving him a new apprentice. and than the jackal faction was released, which i love, and since there kind of supposed to be like the kroot, i imagined them (well, Arasens tribe at least) to be like the Mongols or Huns, and so decided to introduce Arasen
Oooh that explains it; thank you for clarifying.
no problem :)
In between the stories of war, great magics, and intergalactic travels, he find a moment to peek in on a quiet moment between master and pupil. The story, followed by the Master's action to drive home his lesson, flowed nicely and was enjoyable to read. Truly an interesting take on that weapon - I think most writers and hobbyists here would disagree on calling it unconventional, but the point described is valid.
Thanks for submitting this to the writing jam for everyone to read!
thank you for the kind words!
I love the idea of a trained jackal... he won't be happy when he sees the swords they have back at home ;)
ha ha! yep
A neat little intimate story. I would hesitate to call that weapon so "unconventional", but to some degree you have a point!
thank you!
yes, i did debate whether or not the mind was really an unconventional weapon, but decided to go with it. it fit the theme of what i was trying to go for.