Play One page story
A Different Perspective - OPR Writing Jam #6's itch.io pageResults
Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
Adherence to the Theme | #9 | 3.905 | 4.105 |
Overall | #17 | 3.771 | 3.965 |
Flow & Clarity | #18 | 3.705 | 3.895 |
Concept & Originality | #27 | 3.705 | 3.895 |
Ranked from 19 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
Ending really stood out for me, nice way to execute the theme of the jam. Was initially finding the journal style hard to follow, but clicked for me a few entries in and the last bit felt excellent
I was put strongly in mind of the C.S. Lewis quote, "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive." This was a well-done exploration of that idea. I liked the little hints you put in of the Halflings' culture - and the use of *halflings* as an "enemy" faction was an unusual and effective choice as well! In terms of your exploration of the theme, I think it might have had more impact if your narrator had *not* had that moment of realization at the end. The reader is quite capable of understanding the brutality and dehumanization in play here without that, and its inclusion leaves things feeling a little too pat, a little too neatly wrapped up in an unchallenging bow. In any case, it was a good read and a powerful piece.
Very well done, enjoyed the progression. Found myself looking for some conflict or action besides the modernization, and felt like I was missing some key context, but overall had a great time reading.
Really liked the flow of this, very nicely done!
This was very vivid in terms of the story, which is hard to do in a journal format while still retaining a character's voice, so that alone deserves applause. Outside of that? I just really really liked where your head was at with this one!
This is my favorite one yet!