Fantastic, evocative writing. I was really blown away by how you implemented contrast in clever, understated ways- in color, in text movement, and in voice. (For example, Ishmael’s small blocks of separated text vs. Ahab’s big monologues. The colour you chose for the background is cool and calming, and the blood red text offers some enticing contrast- like blood in snow). Not to mention, the short pauses/fade ins/ fade outs provided some exciting drama to the twine format.
The ending felt ever so slightly sudden- I wonder how you could have used the “close your eyes” mechanic you used throughout the game to really hit home the sense of hopelessness that this very contemplative and logical person is defeated by. Perhaps if the final line could come about in a similar way that Ishmael reached all other conclusions in the game, but it was the only choice available?
I totally adored the Lovecraftian vibes from beginning to end. I never would have thought of Moby Dick as a cryptid, but it was a brilliant direction to take, and you constructed such an exciting iteration of the original story.
Skipped one to play this because I could feel my brain buckling at the seams and I wanted to see where you had taken it.
The color of the background was simply perfect for something like this; changing the color of the background and the text completely changes the mood and feeling of the environment! I wish I actually did something like that, since the passage of time and the presence of light is paramount in my story.
I love how you changed up the Rationalize. sections to be more representative of Ishmael's inner dialogue and how it slowly turns into a direct conversation with Moby Dick itself. I also quite like how you set up each day; they start the same way, same writing, same words but something is a bit amiss each time...
Very good stuff. I love this and it's fantastic and it reminded me of why I like your stories so much.
Excellent use of text effects and gameplay loops in this one! The core choices were interesting and invited multiple playthroughs, and each choice became more interesting over time. I appreciated that most of the narration was choiceless, and you used a simple click to continue format — one thing I might say is that the "Continue." hyperlink felt like it could have been replaced with a more minimalist signal to continue, since the rest of the hyperlinks were sparse as well, but that is a minor concern. I'd also say that this game is just the right length — the player gets to experience and understand the logic behind their choices, and evolutions of it, without any risk of the choices becoming tiresome or tedious. Ahab's voice was fun and felt appropriate, but I might recommend breaking up the all-caps passages of his dialogue a little bit; occasionally it felt gratuitous. Congrats! A super well-executed and appropriately-scoped concept.
NICE JOB Jackie! I like how it developed into us crafting our own reality. Choosing to believe if it was Moby Dick or not doesn't sound too interesting , but in our choices we can see our fear and the game's suspense intensify the longer we played! That, on top of the dialogue an the text effects, makes helps to bring the story all together!
This game will haunt me for the sheer fact that I still don't know what Moby Dick is despite my logical conclusions. This was amazing, Jackie! The logic part was my favorite bit, being able to choose what I see and seeing it reflected in future days is a very satisfying feeling. Ahab being a nutjob is as fitting and having his outbursts move the story made sure I never lingered too long on some passages. I think the fact that each of us sees the world differently is an interesting yet harrowing fact that adds to the ominous feeling your game produces. Great job!
I really felt like I was like there reading this. Also it felt dreamlike. I liked the somewhat slow pacing of it as it had me keep clicking things to read more and also gave me time process. I think more options would be nice, but I liked the story.
Very engaging writing! I think this story was a nice length, and the imagery was wonderfully worded & vivid enough to paint a good picture. If you want to continue working on this game: I'd enjoy seeing more choices along the way, even if they're just single-option choices to break up the text. Also,I think the accept/reject/deflect format would be helpful to use, especially if it's difficult to come up with options. Fortunately, your writing was fun and interesting to read, so it wasn't too frustrating to not have so many choices (though I think more would be beneficial no matter what.)
Comments
Hey Jackie!
Fantastic, evocative writing. I was really blown away by how you implemented contrast in clever, understated ways- in color, in text movement, and in voice. (For example, Ishmael’s small blocks of separated text vs. Ahab’s big monologues. The colour you chose for the background is cool and calming, and the blood red text offers some enticing contrast- like blood in snow). Not to mention, the short pauses/fade ins/ fade outs provided some exciting drama to the twine format.
The ending felt ever so slightly sudden- I wonder how you could have used the “close your eyes” mechanic you used throughout the game to really hit home the sense of hopelessness that this very contemplative and logical person is defeated by. Perhaps if the final line could come about in a similar way that Ishmael reached all other conclusions in the game, but it was the only choice available?
I totally adored the Lovecraftian vibes from beginning to end. I never would have thought of Moby Dick as a cryptid, but it was a brilliant direction to take, and you constructed such an exciting iteration of the original story.
-Jude
Skipped one to play this because I could feel my brain buckling at the seams and I wanted to see where you had taken it.
The color of the background was simply perfect for something like this; changing the color of the background and the text completely changes the mood and feeling of the environment! I wish I actually did something like that, since the passage of time and the presence of light is paramount in my story.
I love how you changed up the Rationalize. sections to be more representative of Ishmael's inner dialogue and how it slowly turns into a direct conversation with Moby Dick itself. I also quite like how you set up each day; they start the same way, same writing, same words but something is a bit amiss each time...
Very good stuff. I love this and it's fantastic and it reminded me of why I like your stories so much.
hi jackie!
Excellent use of text effects and gameplay loops in this one! The core choices were interesting and invited multiple playthroughs, and each choice became more interesting over time. I appreciated that most of the narration was choiceless, and you used a simple click to continue format — one thing I might say is that the "Continue." hyperlink felt like it could have been replaced with a more minimalist signal to continue, since the rest of the hyperlinks were sparse as well, but that is a minor concern. I'd also say that this game is just the right length — the player gets to experience and understand the logic behind their choices, and evolutions of it, without any risk of the choices becoming tiresome or tedious. Ahab's voice was fun and felt appropriate, but I might recommend breaking up the all-caps passages of his dialogue a little bit; occasionally it felt gratuitous. Congrats! A super well-executed and appropriately-scoped concept.
-jess
NICE JOB Jackie! I like how it developed into us crafting our own reality. Choosing to believe if it was Moby Dick or not doesn't sound too interesting , but in our choices we can see our fear and the game's suspense intensify the longer we played! That, on top of the dialogue an the text effects, makes helps to bring the story all together!
This game will haunt me for the sheer fact that I still don't know what Moby Dick is despite my logical conclusions. This was amazing, Jackie! The logic part was my favorite bit, being able to choose what I see and seeing it reflected in future days is a very satisfying feeling. Ahab being a nutjob is as fitting and having his outbursts move the story made sure I never lingered too long on some passages. I think the fact that each of us sees the world differently is an interesting yet harrowing fact that adds to the ominous feeling your game produces. Great job!
I really felt like I was like there reading this. Also it felt dreamlike. I liked the somewhat slow pacing of it as it had me keep clicking things to read more and also gave me time process. I think more options would be nice, but I liked the story.
Very engaging writing! I think this story was a nice length, and the imagery was wonderfully worded & vivid enough to paint a good picture. If you want to continue working on this game: I'd enjoy seeing more choices along the way, even if they're just single-option choices to break up the text. Also, I think the accept/reject/deflect format would be helpful to use, especially if it's difficult to come up with options. Fortunately, your writing was fun and interesting to read, so it wasn't too frustrating to not have so many choices (though I think more would be beneficial no matter what.)