I love the world building you did for this story. I am really curious about the culture and events surrounding the main character. You have an enormous statue that occupies the city (what kind of God is that?), a religious war ravaging the region, all the way down to the treatment of demi-Gods as nothing more than war machines.
I do hope that Hercules and his family stay safe and are able to escape from the clutches of the Capital. Maybe even get some answers on what's really going on and why Hercules was accused of being a spy.
You have a really strong sense of action here, and I think it's all going in a good direction. Some things that would help with readability and engagement have already been pointed out by others: editing for consistency in perspective and editing for length. The passages are a bit too long and have the player scrolling up and down too often, which is disorienting. You have hints of a really engaging setting, so I'd recommend expanding on that more and including more detail. Otherwise, the prose is very readable, and the action choices feel like they have weight. Looking forward to seeing where this goes!
Right off the bat, I'm definitely feeling the weight of these passages. They're overly long on my page and I actually have to maneuver a bit to be able to read everything on new passages. It'd be a good idea to break them up so that the player could pick up on what's important, and it might make it easier for you to add details to the environment or describe smaller things or give choices more weight. Right now, it sometimes feel like I'm jumping forward in time a lot every time I make a choice because of how long some of the passages are!
Okay, I think I've reached a dead end, I met up with the woman in the cave with grandma and sister and I didn't get a choice there. Not sure if that was the end of a path or just incomplete, so I'll just take it as a "run."
I also didn't see that this was a Hercules adaptation, and if I'm being honest I don't remember much of that story, BUT! This was a really interesting take on the myth. It feels like there's so much more to the world to explore and I think it'd be helpful to describe some more of it (but in smaller passages haha).
Any hope this could be turned into an anime, lowkey, it sounds like one...
Gosh, that's a massive window. Let's see what this is about!
I adored the activity of each choice; the agency inherent was nice, even if it's mostly aesthetic. I'd love to hear more about the city; it seems it's some strange hybrid of modern and ancient, what with the whole dumplings, pink pajamas, boulders, God-wars, and whatnot.
Good stuff! I liked the vibe of the story, and the energy in each passage was very easy to feel. There were a few grammar things, but nothing major and nothing that hurt my understanding too much at all.
One thing to draw attention to, though, is the fact that the passages are immense. It takes quite a bit to realize that you're looking at a huge block of text, and it's hard to tell what's important! I found myself looking at the choices before the actual narrative quite a bit since the passages are so long.
I really liked the plot and how active the choices were. Especially during the fighting choices - I liked being able to choose violence or not, and it felt like I had a lot of agency during them. Though it's true they weren't very common throughout the story - so more choices like that might help.
The world was also really interesting. I think you could definitely dive a little deeper into the lore of the city because I'm genuinely interested in it, like what Alekai said. Also, I think that you could probably split some of the passages up into separate pages, since I felt like the passages got a little bit long at times and tended to feel less like a game and more like a story.
There were a few minor spelling errors but nothing that I couldn't understand. Overall, really good job, and I had a fun time playing through this game.
I really like how action-oriented this is, and I think it fits well with Hercules! For me, my biggest complaint is that it felt like there was sometimes a long gap between choices, which I think could benefit from being broken up by more flavor choices or fake choices. I'm also really interested in this world - I think you could get away with digging a little deeper into the setting beyond the lore about the gods that's relevant to the plot, even if it's just a detail here or there, so I can get a better sense of what it's like to be in this city. I'm excited to see what you do with this story & what happens next!
Comments
I love the world building you did for this story. I am really curious about the culture and events surrounding the main character. You have an enormous statue that occupies the city (what kind of God is that?), a religious war ravaging the region, all the way down to the treatment of demi-Gods as nothing more than war machines.
I do hope that Hercules and his family stay safe and are able to escape from the clutches of the Capital. Maybe even get some answers on what's really going on and why Hercules was accused of being a spy.
Keep up the good work!
-Christine
hi brian!
You have a really strong sense of action here, and I think it's all going in a good direction. Some things that would help with readability and engagement have already been pointed out by others: editing for consistency in perspective and editing for length. The passages are a bit too long and have the player scrolling up and down too often, which is disorienting. You have hints of a really engaging setting, so I'd recommend expanding on that more and including more detail. Otherwise, the prose is very readable, and the action choices feel like they have weight. Looking forward to seeing where this goes!
-jess
Right off the bat, I'm definitely feeling the weight of these passages. They're overly long on my page and I actually have to maneuver a bit to be able to read everything on new passages. It'd be a good idea to break them up so that the player could pick up on what's important, and it might make it easier for you to add details to the environment or describe smaller things or give choices more weight. Right now, it sometimes feel like I'm jumping forward in time a lot every time I make a choice because of how long some of the passages are!
Okay, I think I've reached a dead end, I met up with the woman in the cave with grandma and sister and I didn't get a choice there. Not sure if that was the end of a path or just incomplete, so I'll just take it as a "run."
I also didn't see that this was a Hercules adaptation, and if I'm being honest I don't remember much of that story, BUT! This was a really interesting take on the myth. It feels like there's so much more to the world to explore and I think it'd be helpful to describe some more of it (but in smaller passages haha).
Any hope this could be turned into an anime, lowkey, it sounds like one...Hercules? How about HUNK-ules? Hah!
Gosh, that's a massive window. Let's see what this is about!
I adored the activity of each choice; the agency inherent was nice, even if it's mostly aesthetic. I'd love to hear more about the city; it seems it's some strange hybrid of modern and ancient, what with the whole dumplings, pink pajamas, boulders, God-wars, and whatnot.
Good stuff! I liked the vibe of the story, and the energy in each passage was very easy to feel. There were a few grammar things, but nothing major and nothing that hurt my understanding too much at all.
One thing to draw attention to, though, is the fact that the passages are immense. It takes quite a bit to realize that you're looking at a huge block of text, and it's hard to tell what's important! I found myself looking at the choices before the actual narrative quite a bit since the passages are so long.
Good stuff, though! I liked it.
I really liked the plot and how active the choices were. Especially during the fighting choices - I liked being able to choose violence or not, and it felt like I had a lot of agency during them. Though it's true they weren't very common throughout the story - so more choices like that might help.
The world was also really interesting. I think you could definitely dive a little deeper into the lore of the city because I'm genuinely interested in it, like what Alekai said. Also, I think that you could probably split some of the passages up into separate pages, since I felt like the passages got a little bit long at times and tended to feel less like a game and more like a story.
There were a few minor spelling errors but nothing that I couldn't understand. Overall, really good job, and I had a fun time playing through this game.
I really like how action-oriented this is, and I think it fits well with Hercules! For me, my biggest complaint is that it felt like there was sometimes a long gap between choices, which I think could benefit from being broken up by more flavor choices or fake choices. I'm also really interested in this world - I think you could get away with digging a little deeper into the setting beyond the lore about the gods that's relevant to the plot, even if it's just a detail here or there, so I can get a better sense of what it's like to be in this city. I'm excited to see what you do with this story & what happens next!