itch.io

This looks like a very neat, infinitely re-playable trifold. Design is super simple and clean.

I was a little bit confused about what the dice on the rooms on page two meant as they weren’t consistent (i.e. Office of the Future vs. C-Suite). My interpretation is that’s how many of each die type you need to roll (X negative space dice + Y room dice).

I was a bit confused about PARITY BITS as they weren’t explained up front the way TOKENS are. Though I did find where they were sorta hidden using the search function. I wonder if perhaps TOKENS and PARITY BITS could be rolled up into the same resource or if that would be too punishing. The idea of balancing keeping Daemons happy vs avoiding data loss could be interesting.

I was shocked at how big the document was, and it appears that many of the universes contain a lot of duplicate changes with differences that are very hard to differentiate.

I think the universes would’ve benefited from base mad-libs that are filled in via roll tables to help reduce the size of the document.

The overlapping text is stylistically interesting but difficult to read. This is very pronounced on the second page. It might’ve been possible to achieve the desired effect by limiting yourself to maybe 3 offset colours.

There’s some very cool ideas in here though the way the information is presented could result in a lot of page flipping. Static and Echoes made me think of aspects from Gradient Descent.

The layout and structure of the adventure is excellent. Everything is very clear, easy to read and concise.

I am very new to FIST so I don’t know if these are conventions or not, but the connections between rooms with the “I” in them aren’t clear. Does this mean a door or locked? Perhaps it could be added to the legend along with the encounter icon.

Otherwise, awesome adventure!

I enjoy the sympathetic objects and the tethering mechanics. I know that generating roll tables is difficult, but the use of d4 tables for generating sympathetic objects appears to stray from the expectations of FIST as a wholly d6-based system. However, these are a great starting point and could be further expanded whenever further ideas come to mind to fill the tables out.

I have friends who are very much into Control, SCP, etc and think this adventure would 100% be their jam. Awesome stuff!

I wonder if it’s because the AI generated documents tend to be super rambly. I’ve seen some adventures posted to r/osr that was AI generated and it was impossible to understand.

No layout, no formatting, really long paragraphs that don’t really say anything, etc.

Or it at least provides some barrier to entry since you’d need to sit down and actually write something.

Shit! I’ve updated my comment to reflect that.

The recently closed Shadowdark game jam had a similar disclosure requirement. If you’d like to see what those disclosures looked like, I think you can still download many of the entries for free.

I believe 3 of the top 5 used AI art. Only one of the top 5 used AI art. But you can peruse many of the entries to see how they disclosed their use of AI art.

I’m also not a fan of AI art but the cats out of the bag and even if people were told they couldn’t, there’d be a good chance people still would and would have some plausible deniability.

The stuff done by humans is way more consistent in style though, and if you are an artist I look forward to seeing what y’all make.

I’m debating on doing this jam as well, but probably just won’t have any original art as I have no skills in that department. The best I can do is hack together public domain art in an image editor and apply filters to it :’)

Just in case the feedback gets buried on discord, I’ve copied it over to here.

• Having a cover page would’ve been a nice touch, the first page is a bit cluttered

  • The image on the front looks great! Having that as your cover background with your title and additional details on top would’ve be awesome!

• Choice of font for primary headers is tough to read. I keep misinterpreting the “S” as a 1

  • Sorta looks like a number 1

• Using tables instead of lists for your roll tables. I don’t think they would’ve used up any more space and would’ve helped communicate what dice needs to be rolled vs reading the list and inferring

  • Adding more emphasis (i.e. bold text) to important bits for skimmability.
  • Example: Local children have been reporting talking to a dead body, but when adults investigate it’s gone.

• Important information in your random encounters table is sorta buried / easy to miss.

• Having a map would’ve been nice. This reads like a point crawl so a map of nodes and edges would’ve been totally fine!

  • If it ever goes on sale, dungeon draft is a nice tool for making actual maps. I like to use the “dysonesque” plugin

• Spacing around headings is taking up a lot of space, which accidentally used up a lot of your page count.

Overall, I think the adventure could be very fun to run and very straightforward. Look forward to seeing what you make next!

Love a good isometric map. Beautiful work!

Is the itch.io deadline the correct deadline? I haven’t done a game jam on itch in years so I don’t really know how things work with regards to the deadlines.