itch.io

Very fun story, was a pleasure to read! One thing that took me out of the narrative was a juxtaposition between archaic English (see, e.g., “retinue”) and modern speech (including the use of prepositions where a more archaic or formal phrase would have fit better). Otherwise, well done!

Definitely a stand-out. Very interesting and I think you did a good job of considering and applying alternative forms of cognition in a way that was both digestible and alien.

Ah okay, that makes sense. It seemed pretty premeditated to me, as though the Alchemist had long planned on luring Vex in and making her comfortable enough to be the next "art project." But yeah, I see what you mean. 

Not seeing a great connection to the theme, per se. A few grammatical errors, but nothing that took me out of the story too much. It was a fun read though, and I enjoyed it

Pacing in this story was interesting. I think what might be helpful is doing what you did: writing an extended version so you have material to draw from, and then decide what is essential, what is helpful, and what is fluff. Keep the essential, add some of the helpful, and add fluff where it's interesting and adds to the story.

That's so kind of you! I do a lot of technical (legal) writing at work, and am very much a beginner with creative writing. It was fun to stretch some creative muscles here, and I will absolutely keep writing!

I enjoyed the imagery of a canyon frozen in flowing green crystal, encapsulating the encroaching *Dynasty. Nicely done!

No, I agree. It was challenging to fit a story that could have been several chapters onto a single page in terms of the pacing of it all, and I think a lack of familiarity with OPR hampered me a bit. I appreciate the feedback!

I'm pretty new to OPR, didn't realize there was an equivalent for Chaos as Havoc, so Pandemonium was just what I used. Guess I need to buy the lore books for OPR to brush up on the actual terminology!

Kind of reminiscent of Elfquest: classic elves, dealing with problems in a straightforward nature-driven way. Nicely done!

Fairly well written with only a few grammatical errors with a pretty creative and engaging resolution.

I think your upload was lost!