Play Short Story
Singularity by Necessity's itch.io pageRate this Short Story
Sign up with an itch.io account to rate and leave comments.
Leave a comment
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
Sign up with an itch.io account to rate and leave comments.
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
Comments
And now we have Chekov’s rust for the literary world
LOL
One of the best of the jam! There's a few places where it stumbles (did you originally write it in past tense and then change it to present tense, missing a few spots? Or is past tense just what you're used to, and it crept in through force of habit), but not in a way that impacts my enjoyment of the piece.
The character work was a real highlight for me; you created two fleshed-out (well, by some definition of flesh) characters and bounced them off each other with dialogue that feels natural and actions that feel believable.
Thank you!
You're correct about me changing the tense mid-way through the project :p I enjoy present-tense stories and wanted to try it here (it also requires fewer words that past tense, which mattered a lot here).
Concepts & Originality 4/5
The story does an excellent amount of world-building in the short length. It's interesting and the detail is good! I haven't given it 5-stars only because the general premise and details don't seem to have strayed too far from 40k.
Flow and Clarity 3/5
I like that you went for something a little different and used present-tense, rather than past; I personally love the usage of present tense. There are a few places where some grammatical errors occur and past tense slips in where it shouldn't, but overall good. I think the use of different fonts/formatting for the dialogue is a bit excessive and distracts, rather than aids the story, but that is perhaps just personal preference and I may reevaluate it and kick this score up to 4/5 as a result.
Adherence to Theme 4/5
I think the story adheres to the theme well, with the characters creatively using the resources available to them to solve the conflict/problem. Absolutely nothing wrong here, I'm just reserving 5/5 for stories that absolutely ooze the theme.
If you want to discuss this feedback/these ratings, feel free to @ me on the OPR discord.
Thanks for your feedback! Fair criticism on different fonts for different characters. It's something I personally enjoy in reading, I think it's fun to push the boundaries of how written stories are presented, if only a little bit.
I really loved the machine cult world you built and the sprinkle of humour with the captive. The action was paced brilliantly and drew me in! Very enjoyable read 👍
Well done, most people have a hard time writing so absolutely in present tense but you stayed consistent all the way through.
Other than a couple of grammar/punctuation spots, I thought this was excellent! I loved the use of “creative resources” and felt like this was a great snapshot of a larger story!