itch.io

Hey Maka,

I actually tried to not read any other comments until after writing my own, so I would only give my first impression, but Gwen made a very good point. I suppose I was thinking that the aesthetic was more what you were hoping to convey, since in the GDD you mentioned that it didn't fit the perspective you wanted. If that's the case, then I think it would be helpful to an artist to convey the a stylistic stand point (immediately I  would think character requirements would include being rounder/squishier, more muted palettes, quirky/cartoony physical proportions, with my very limited art knowledge). You could have also shown some examples of things in the correct perspective, but my hunch would be that you'd find an artist who could translate that stylistic guide into what you wanted (ideally). 

I will stand by my adoration for your Twitch integration idea. Learning that it was something that you had to sit and think about more thoroughly makes me feel like that was the whole point of this exercise, and you understood the assignment. It's both a good thing, especially in a multiplayer/party game and a good way to stretch your design muscles.

I think you did a good job under the constraints, so I wouldn't worry too much about what you didn't get finished in time. When I mentioned the genre, I did mean the listed genre in section 2.3 Genre. You have a lot of possibilities listed with question marks, which created some uncertainty for me. One reason a lot of elevator pitches reference other games is to help others immediately understand how a game is going to work, the same would have been true for this section: if you reference well known genres as the building blocks for your game, people will have an  image in their head about what sorts of mechanics might be in the game. The most successful examples in this section would be "Tower Defense Battle Royale" and "TD-survival-like" which immediately gave me ideas of what to expect in the gameplay section.

About the first person thing...it's very nitpicky, but most of the doc is written in third person, "The player creates paths..." but in the audio section it switches to first person, "I don't know" or "I'd like to find." I can't disclaim it enough, it probably doesn't matter, but it caught my brain like a sock on a floorboard nail.

lol yeah! That's why I didn't get to the story (also the power went out ever hour or so because it's so hot here). I probably could have squeezed a lot more in if not for the power outages, since I have a desktop. Again, thank you so much <3

You did a great job! Don't worry about the feedback, everyone felt the crunch this weekend. I promise I struggled myself. You should be proud of this doc!

There are a bunch of submissions and I wanted to give feedback to everyone, so I'm going to list some strengths and weaknesses that I perceive from the GDD's in this challenge (take with a grain of salt, I recognize the challenge this jam theme + time limitations, especially during a holiday weekend).

I did want to point out that this game is almost undead Pikmin, which is pretty sick.

Strengths: I love the lore you've put in the GDD, including the faction leaders. Honestly, I'm not sure this game could qualify as a new genre (to be fair, Vampire Survivors wasn't actually the first survivor-like game either), but I do think it could have the same level of impact on the gaming community.

Weaknesses: I will once more nitpick: it would be awesome to have technical aspects of the game represented as diagrams. Visuals in general are very helpful in communicating ideas simply, and help to make the document more concise overall. That said, you have managed to describe things in enough detail to have a good idea of the direction of the game. Presumably, this would still require some meetings to get your team on the same track as far as implementation, and you definitely might need mood boards/audio boards to direct those parts of the team...but this is really well done.

There are a bunch of submissions and I wanted to give feedback to everyone, so I'm going to list some strengths and weaknesses that I perceive from the GDD's in this challenge (take with a grain of salt, I recognize the challenge this jam theme + time limitations, especially during a holiday weekend).

Strengths: This concept is cool as hell. I was a little intimidated by these enormous tables at first, but there are really cool ideas. Honestly, I would probably cut these down if you wanted to make this game, because the scope of this project would probably take a good number of years to develop at the current size. I'm not familiar with everything on the table, but having used CRISPR in my previous line of work, I appreciate your thoughtful usage of it. That said, I would like to see puzzles so I can understand how these things help solve puzzles.

Weaknesses: Right away, I would (personally) caution you to make documents for narrower audiences. Truthfully, I never use one document for every audience, and I even have separate docs for different parts of the team on a bigger project. Not everyone is going to want or need to read a 28 page document, their time can serve you better being used elsewhere. I think the elevator pitch is too long (it's meant to be shared very quickly and get to the meat of the game, but right now it's very pretty writing that says nothing about how the game plays). As I've said on other GDD's, it would be invaluable to shorten this document by replacing some of these blocks of text with diagrams or visual examples. A picture is worth a thousand words, and they're easier to break down quickly. Similarly, the core loop describes how the player interacts with the game (generally) but it isn't giving enough of a moment-to-moment depiction of the game. You came up with an interesting system "Time Batteries" but you never referenced them again in the GDD. It's not so much that this is an impossible mechanic, but you said it was important to the narrative, and then didn't bring it up in the narrative section again. 


TL;DR: I think this project should be cut down in terms of scope if you want to make it as it's enormous. There isn't enough clarity as to how the game actually works, and the document would largely be served by reducing scope (audience, topics covered) and including diagrams to give visual representations of gameplay. 

There are a bunch of submissions and I wanted to give feedback to everyone, so I'm going to list some strengths and weaknesses that I perceive from the GDD's in this challenge (take with a grain of salt, I recognize the challenge this jam theme + time limitations, especially during a holiday weekend).

Strengths: This is a very playable game, it seems like a lot of fun.

Weaknesses: I personally would have preferred more visual representations in this GDD to explain some of the concepts more easily. The UI Interface & Graphics, gameplay explanations, and audio section could have had non-text elements and give a better understanding to the viewer. The core loop isn't a core loop, so it's impossible to tell what the core gameplay looks like from this section. I wish this had some story. There's an implication of story by virtue of having several characters, enemies, and lore about the Game World, but I don't think it's delivered in this document. I would also caution against this lofty promise you've made in the Genre section. Delivering these game elements in 30 minutes seems like a lot, and I think you would get more value out of stretching that amount of time. Based on the amount of content in this GDD (and what is implied by the content of the GDD), I imagine the base game should take at least 3 hours to complete, not including side missions. This game would (in my opinion) greatly benefit from having game pillars to guide you in further refining what is already here. You have plenty, I would maximize it and capitalize on what seems like a great idea.

There are a bunch of submissions and I wanted to give feedback to everyone, so I'm going to list some strengths and weaknesses that I perceive from the GDD's in this challenge (take with a grain of salt, I recognize the challenge this jam theme + time limitations, especially during a holiday weekend).

Strengths: It's a cute concept of the main character becoming self aware. I appreciate the thought that went into your "Determination" system. I think this specifically is cool conceptually, and I like the idea that there's a bad ending where the MC just lost the will to carry on.

Weaknesses: There isn't enough information in these pages. You stated this doc was for programmers and designers (and, yes, investors) but truthfully there wouldn't be enough information about how this game is meant to work for me. Furthermore, it is unclear what the connection is between destroying your environment and the self-awareness of the MC. I'm unclear on the origin of the provided difficulty curve, both because there are insufficient references to the puzzles and because any additional mechanics (as you've described getting new ones as you progress) are not listed. I would have liked to see you take the Determination system and see how you could stretch that to include a range of mechanics. This would support your story about the Metaboy + its willingness to carry on while also maximizing the value of the system you've designed, and letting the player have a way to meaningfully interact with your game.

There are a bunch of submissions and I wanted to give feedback to everyone, so I'm going to list some strengths and weaknesses that I perceive from the GDD's in this challenge (take with a grain of salt, I recognize the challenge this jam theme + time limitations, especially during a holiday weekend).

Strengths: This document gets a good examination of all the important thing. This honestly is a really good doc for a pitch, in my opinion. Overall, really clear, lots of images and several diagrams to break up the text and express different ideas.

Weaknesses: There's not a lot of information that specifies how the gameplay feels. There's a good overall idea of the game, but you've also included a list of gameplay elements that aren't explained in your core game loop. Some examples of these elements (combat, exploration, scavenging, and puzzles) would make this very difficult to find issue with.

Overall: Cool concept, could use some more fleshing out in its mechanics. I would absolutely play this for countless hours.

100%!!! Thanks for the feedback!
(I actually also don't, I came up with this Friday night but don't tell anyone)

There are a bunch of submissions and I wanted to give feedback to everyone, so I'm going to list some strengths and weaknesses that I perceive from the GDD's in this challenge (take with a grain of salt, I recognize the challenge this jam theme + time limitations, especially during a holiday weekend).

Strengths: As a fan of Gwen, obviously the first strength is going to be narrative. The world building and level scenarios are fun and work well together. You have lovely characters and an interesting story. (I feel none of this will be news to you, but I don't have any especially helpful feedback on this section as it is already very good.) Even your graphics and audio section, while brief, paints a very specific feeling for the game.

Weaknesses: It is a little challenging to understand the how difficulty will increase over the course of the game by reading the description of the mechanics and play flow sections. I also feel that because words are highlighted in your documents that players (you know the ones) are more likely to skip reading documents and just click the words they need to, assuming there are no further context clues to pull from the exhibit documents to help solve the final puzzles. It's not necessarily an issue, but it exists.

Overall: Keep slaying. Can't wait to play your game (I am fully expecting you to make this game now, sorry).

There are a bunch of submissions and I wanted to give feedback to everyone, so I'm going to list some strengths and weaknesses that I perceive from the GDD's in this challenge (take with a grain of salt, I recognize the challenge this jam theme + time limitations, especially during a holiday weekend).

Strengths: A fun, easy to understand concept. All audiences will understand this sort of stereotypical dynamic between cat and dog. I like all the detail you've added about things that would distract one animal versus another. "A long-term but not monogamous relationship with catnip." Beautiful.

Weaknesses: I would like to see more fleshing out of the technical aspect of mechanics and systems. It seems like you've got this wonderful concept, but you might benefit from discussions about ways to make it work in engine. If I were to nitpick, you could eventually add more elements such as concept art or an audio guide to help other people working on the project as well. I would consider prototyping a single level (interpret this as you will, it could be any sort of prototype) to better convey the moment-to-moment gameplay. It's obvious there is tension between the two animals, but I also get the feeling like the level environments would also contain hazards/sources of conflict. I know the GDD isn't finished, so please consider these as suggestions as you move forward rather than criticisms. You've done a lovely job and the game seems like a lot of fun!

There are a bunch of submissions and I wanted to give feedback to everyone, so I'm going to list some strengths and weaknesses that I perceive from the GDD's in this challenge (take with a grain of salt, I recognize the challenge this jam theme + time limitations, especially during a holiday weekend).

Strengths: I appreciate your section about why this game would qualify as genre-defining, and I appreciate the thought that went into creating a social deception/deduction game that can be enjoyed alone (although comparing to Among Us is a little misleading, its main focus is social deduction). 

Weaknesses: I would also like to see more technical descriptions behind how your status systems work, and how they impact other systems. While there are fairly simple mechanics in this game, I feel like systems interactions are much more complex than currently addressed, so I can't immediately imagine how these will work, some of them seem incredibly difficult to implement.

Overall: if you manage to make this game work, I will play the hell out of it.

There are a bunch of submissions and I wanted to give feedback to everyone, so I'm going to list some strengths and weaknesses that I perceive from the GDD's in this challenge (take with a grain of salt, I recognize the challenge this jam theme + time limitations, especially during a holiday weekend).

Strengths: The game seems very cute and fun. I really appreciate you using diagrams and GIFs to clarify things in the document. I completely understand how the game is meant to work in terms of game loop and "enemy" behaviours. I would actually consider the idea of the "Super Spookyhouse Maker" as a real win for this game. If you can use this to allow your player base to mod the game and add their own designed houses, the game could have an amazing community and add extra content to your game for free!

Weaknesses: I don't know how different this game is from other POP (as you call them, and so will I forevermore) games. I think it fits exceptionally well, but I think adding rogue-lite is a little misleading. The game has some replayability in the procedurally generated houses, but it requires more mechanics to classify as having rogue-lite elements. That said, I think it would be fairly easy to remedy this. 

Overall seems like a fun game, but some additions to this game would make it a knock out for me.

There are a bunch of submissions and I wanted to give feedback to everyone, so I'm going to list some strengths and weaknesses that I perceive from the GDD's in this challenge (take with a grain of salt, I recognize the challenge this jam theme + time limitations, especially during a holiday weekend).

Strengths: This GDD reads to me quite clearly, it's very thorough. You've included a lot of content to go through. Easily, I would say the narrative section is probably the best part. You've put a lot of thought into the story of this game, especially surrounding this MC. I applaud your use of the Kisōtenketsu structure, bless. I also really love the overall design/aesthetic of this game. I have very clear imagery from the descriptions in the Look & Feel, but I will say some visuals would help to ensure I'm not assuming incorrectly based on what I'm reading.

Weaknesses: Though your GDD is thorough, as I've said about other submissions using Diagrams would help to break up some of the text and give great visual explanations to cut down on the blocks of text. Secondary to that, I grappled with the technical aspects of the game a lot. I would restructure the Gameplay section to include the mechanics + core loop, because those were the first things I was looking for when trying to figure out how the game would be played.

As a personal question, I would like to know more about why the MC can both fly and rollerblade...not that it's an issue, but it sounds cool and I want to hear more about that! It may be that I'm simply not familiar with the game genre you referenced, so it's hard for me to consider what a level would look like in this game.

Overall: this game seems so cool and I would 10000% play it.

There are a bunch of submissions and I wanted to give feedback to everyone, so I'm going to list some strengths and weaknesses that I perceive from the GDD's in this challenge (take with a grain of salt, I recognize the challenge this jam theme + time limitations, especially during a holiday weekend).

Strengths: This GDD is so cute! You definitely played to your own strengths in creating a GDD that was delightfully branded and creative. I have a good sense of the second-to-second gameplay, as well as the feeling you're trying to bring about in the player. You have amazing detail in sections like Dialogue! I love that you have so much distinction for all these small details, I think it gives a lot of personality to this project.

Weaknesses: I was a little confused about the two panels at 3.2-3.3, which I quickly discovered as a sort of "spot-the-differences" challenge. A quick caption below to describe what you are depicting would be helpful for the oblivious among us (me). The only diagram was the core loop, but it wasn't super clear to me. Two descriptions were quite lengthy, and didn't need that much description, but then all the other items in the core loop didn't tell me much about what was actually happening in the game. "Event" is too non-specific, in my opinion. I could use more technical description in this GDD to understand how things need to be implemented to create this game. Lastly, I definitely don't think 3 months is long enough for this project, unless maybe it's a well sized team that already works well together, has bought into the concept, and they're only working on this game for the next 3 months (and sometimes crunching maybe).

All of this said, this was easily one of my favorite GDD's, and I think you did a fantastic job. I would almost certainly be terrible at this game, but I'm also sure I would get sucked into it easily.  

There are a bunch of submissions and I wanted to give feedback to everyone, so I'm going to list some strengths and weaknesses that I perceive from the GDD's in this challenge (take with a grain of salt, I recognize the challenge this jam theme + time limitations, especially during a holiday weekend).

Strengths: I really liked that you added a mood board to establish visual style. I LOVE that you included this description of integrating this game for Twitch streaming! I think it's a popular and fun option, and I think that would make this game 1000x more playable/popular.

Weaknesses: I think given the length of the doc, you could have found ways to make this more concise. There are a lot of sections that don't have a lot of information written or you describe a section as not applicable or that you don't know enough about it. It might have been better to consolidate formatting or eliminate sections that were not relevant. I also would have liked more diagrams. It's a document, but diagrams are super instructive and can eliminate large descriptive chunks, while getting the same info across. This would be especially helpful when discussing core loop or other technical aspects of the game.

There is some uncertainty in the document that ideally would have been resolved before submission, such as what the actual genre was meant to be. I think from a technical stand point, I would need some further clarification/meetings to figure out how we wanted to implement this game. I also (personally) didn't like that the document was sometimes written in first person, but this is absolutely my preference, I don't know how many people would care about that detail.

Overall, I think this would be a fun game to play!

That was great feedback!

My hope was MMORPG adventure meets special interest in pet collection, and I realized that there was a very Nintendogs situation in that, so I was sort of happy to lean into it (if there was a remastered Nintendogs, I would absolutely play it).

Obviously, there's very little options to completely remove grinding in MMO's without time gating, which becomes really annoying for a lot of players. My thought is that this is a game that can be enjoyed without grinding, but you're right in saying that there are people who would be creating these sorts of breeding "ranches" and economically I would prefer not to get on EVE Online's level so my hope would be that the other intersecting options of how to spend currency in game would mitigate the need for even more complex systems.

As I said, one of my greatest's weaknesses was not considering how to offset competitive edge created by these "Fabled" pets. I do recognize, however, that performance in each competition does introduce an amount of randomness, but creating max values for pet stats is currently a weak point, which needs further development, testing, and balancing to work as intended.

Lastly, the reason the narrative got cut from my document is that I didn't have time to write out story that I felt good about. I'm sure it would be the most fun part of the doc for me, however, I felt that I needed to put a lot of time in considering systems that I was less certain about. 100% not having a great story would keep this game out of development. If I were to continue this GDD and fully flesh it out, my goals would be creating a world and story that supported the gameplay experience I want to provide (a social, cozy MMORPG with a special focus in pet collecting) as well as refining these systems as we've discussed. The main reason I chose MMO over the suggestions you've made is that I personally would want a strong interpersonal interaction component in this game, and I also really liked the idea of trying to figure out how I could change something specific about MMO's to make it new, and this was my fun weekend excursion to do so. I haven't played Stardew Valley co-op, but having played Pokémon Violet co-op, I think having such a lower focus on story isn't really what I'm going for...it just came down to time.

Firstly, thank you so much for feedback! There's a lot there, so I do actually want to respond and share my thinking and maybe I can learn a little bit on refining my own process.

Secondly, I wouldn't really consider this a game meant for "casual" players. I wouldn't conflate cozy with casual to be more specific. I think there's absolutely a market of people who play MMORPG's daily, but are less interested in heavy combat mechanics and would be more interested in the social, collecting, and other systems on offer.

Thirdly, to address the complexity of systems, I would agree simpler is better! The complexity of the currency system is a little deceptive; the complexity is given as a method for developer side to combat the inevitable problems of inflation that simply exist in MMO's. It is a little complex, but it's not mostly player facing so my hope would be that the complexity of the solution is only as high as the complexity of the issue it seeks to address.

As for the breeder's shop, the male pet thing is an arbitrary decision on my part. For some reason, it made sense to me because I was considering how people in agriculture tend to address breeding related transactions, but this isn't really necessary in a game, so that is  a really excellent point.

I would consider "Fabled" to be a disposition that would make other parts of the game irrelevant if it could be 100% passed down, so my first instinct is to err on the side of caution, and make it nontransmissible. These are the types of animals that could be earned as a reward and could be something players want to invest a lot into, but I want it to feel magical and rare. I would say the bigger issue is that having a "Fabled" pet would make someone significantly more likely to win competitions more of the time, and...I haven't considered yet how to combat that, but that's a glaring design error.

If breeding and the marketplace are the systems you feel obfuscate the premise of the game, I would like to hear more about that. What do you feel, looking at this GDD, is the experience you would be hoping to have, and how do these systems keep you from having that experience specifically?

Again, thank you for the feedback, I would really enjoy a chance to hear more of the specific issues you have with these systems as a player. These insights are worth more than Gold (pun intended).

It is really satisfying to smash my keyboard to play this game!